Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins Page #11

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I woke up light-skinned

at least three times

in my life.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

Yeah, I got it all back.

You all right?

You barely ate.

But you know,

working in his

hardware store...

I just wish

Roscoe were here.

Roscoe

made his choice.

You didn't give him

much of one.

What was I supposed to do?

Be disrespected

in my own home?

Be his father.

Giving him your name

doesn't make him you, Roscoe.

It doesn't make him

Betty or Otis

or even Clyde.

He's Roscoe Junior. RJ.

And for a boy

who didn't feel

the support of his family,

he's doing quite well

for himself.

... sleeping in

the bottom bunk bed,

you know,

under RJ, and then

I was nervous

'cause he would pee

in the bed.

And that would,

you know,

that would...

I would have

some scary nights sometime.

You know, it's hard sleeping

with a raincoat on, you know.

And, you know, and...

And I tried to explain

to them that, you know,

that's Roscoe

the one that's peeing

in the bed, not me.

And, he...

(SOBBING)

You know, just the way

they took me in

was so gracious.

They didn't have

to do that.

I thank you.

I thank y'all and...

Because I don't know

where I would be

right now if...

(CRYING LOUDLY)

Nigga, what is you crying for?

Big old Sugar

Bear-looking-ass boy.

Sitting up there crying.

He's still wearing

the pajamas

with the feet in 'em.

Wow, I've never seen

Clyde cry before.

Ain't nobody crying.

I'm just cleansing.

No, those some

real tears right there.

I know.

I've cried more

than a newborn baby

getting his ass popped.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Hey, guys.

RJ.:
I've been beat up...

Hey, Jamaal!

... insulted,

laughed at...

A lot.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Hey, you're laughing already.

I lost more games

and competitions

to Clyde

than I can remember.

Oh, 3,459 and counting.

Thank you, Clyde.

I thought I was a loser.

So I went away

and transformed myself

into what I thought

was a winner.

But being

around y'all

is a 24/7

reality check.

Y'all rough on a brother.

The clothes,

the car, the Survivor...

Y'all pull no punches.

You know that's right!

Betty, you got

a hell of a right hand.

That's no joke.

And O, you got

a hell of a left hand.

That's right.

But look, I...

I want to thank you,

all of you, my family.

Thank you

for making me

a better man.

For giving me strength to...

To withstand anything

this world throws at me.

For unconditional love,

and a place to call home.

I'm not gonna do it.

I'm not gonna cry.

Happy Anniversary,

Mommy, Daddy.

I love you.

I'm so proud of you.

I know. We all need love.

Yeah, come on, Clyde.

We gonna let them

have this moment,

all right?

I just want a hug, O.

I know, baby.

Come over here and let's...

Son,

if I ever drove you away,

if I ever made you

feel unworthy,

I'm sorry. I love you.

Glad to have you back.

And those words

you just said,

that's the best gift

I've ever received,

RJ Stevens.

Well, it's

from the heart, Daddy.

And the name is Jenkins.

Roscoe Steven Jenkins.

Just like my daddy.

ALL:
Aw.

Reggie, come here.

What the hell

is wrong with you, nigga?

What the hell

has gotten into you?

Man, he needs help.

Go get her, son.

(SAVING ALL MY LO VE FOR YOU

PLAYING)

Lucinda?

Yes?

I waited 20 years

to create this opportunity.

Would you dance with me?

I'd love to.

Lucinda, I'm happy for you.

Hey! Betty, come on,

let's get out here

and cut a rug, girl.

Negro, we're cousins.

That's nasty!

So desperate.

That's a damn shame.

You gonna play me for him?

He got on an ankle bracelet!

Thank you.

(LAUGHING)

Did you see

the bedroom?

BETTY:
Look at Roscoe

trying to be in love.

I heard that.

PAPA:
Now,

that's a good picture.

Oh, look at that.

Yeah, this should

be good.

There's Sugar Bear Clyde.

Look at that.

That looks good, Reggie.

That's a blue bonnet, baby.

Pow!

That boy crazy

right there, isn't he?

We do have

one hell of a family.

We sure do, Daddy.

Where are

those two anyway?

Oh, Ma, you know

where they are.

That's nice.

BOTH:
Uh-uh.

(WHIMPERING)

ANNOUNCER.:

Ladies and gentlemen,

your host, Roscoe Jenkins!

All right.

Thank you,

thank you.

You all looking good.

Looking good.

What's good, family?

Today's show

is about family.

And what better way

to kick it off than

with the doctor's own?

Say hello

to the Jenkins clan.

Hey, y'all!

Hey, everybody!

Ow! Pump, pump, pump,

pump, pump, pump, pa-pump!

Pump, pump, pump, pump!

Betty. Betty. Yes!

BETTY:
Mind your

own business, Otis.

We'll be right back.

We just trying

to have a good time

here on 'Scoe's show.

You always

gotta say something.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Let's get started.

You're a doctor,

so tell me this.

Why am I

having trouble

reaching an orgasm?

So you've never

been able to?

BETTY:
Now, I know how

to get myself

to the destination,

I just need

a captain

to navigate the waters.

Now, 'Scoe,

you got to

help me here.

Is that thing physical

or is that thing mental?

Or is it emotional, 'Scoe?

Like, where do

you go to find...

Can we cut?

I'm... I'm uncomfortable.

Wait a minute, 'Scoe.

I'm just trying

to figure out

how I'm supposed

to get mine, okay?

So you think

it's okay to

spank your kids.

Yeah, I spank my kids.

I get in their...

They... up,

I start... them up.

Tag team.

Oh, cuss words.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

...that!

You know me, man.

Hustling is my job.

I mean, I ain't never

really paid no rent.

You know what I'm saying?

I ain't never

really paid no bills.

You know

what I'm saying?

So... But I...

For some reason,

I've always got

cash in my pocket!

I guess

it's 'cause

I got a honest face.

I mean,

I don't know,

you might have

a problem with that

since, when we was

little I would

always beat you.

You know what I'm saying?

You pull out the cards,

you one, two, three,

you draw four, I'm like...

Uno. You know what

I'm saying? You make

a move, I'm C-4, C-2...

I sunk your battleship.

You remember that,

don't you?

BETTY:
And then

he be finished.

I'm like, "Damn!

"Is something wrong

with my... My cakes?"

You know

what I'm saying?

I don't know if

something wrong

with my tastycakes,

'Scoe.

You actually

tase your kids?

Hell, yeah,

I tase my... kids.

You shock 'em,

they be like...

I say, "You gonna

take out that trash now?"

He just...

For not taking

out the trash?

(IMITAING ELECTROCUTION)

right through his big...

"Yes... Dad..."

Yeah.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hold it, hold up.

Who is this? Yeah, what it is?

Man, I'm on the show.

You ain't watching?

I'm on the show right now!

I ain't gotta...

No, I'm on the show.

Look at me. Look.

We could do it

right now, bro.

You put your hands up...

Or rock-paper-scissors.

We could do it right here.

I mean, you know,

what you scratching for?

You know, you want to

scratch? You want to

have a scratch battle?

'Cause we can scratch out.

We can...

We could DJ scratch...

I'll make me a bubble bath,

light me some little candles,

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