Went the Day Well? Page #6

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while the Jerries walk all over us?

There's plenty you can do.

Do you know what morale is?

Yeah, something what the Wops ain't got.

Well, I'm going to make you responsible

for keeping up the children's morale.

Sit down.

The little ones are frightened.

I want you to make it seem

a sort of game to them.

Give them a double ration

of sweets and leave it at that.

Still, you're the boss, anything you say.

Afternoon, miss.

Johnnie, listen, it's very important.

You've got to take a message to Mr Drew.

Yes?

Tell him we shall want six extra quartern

loaves tomorrow, if he can manage it.

Six extra quartern loaves, okay.

Afternoon.

If there was only something.

Something they hadn't thought of.

Perhaps there is. Perhaps there is.

Cherry ripe, cherry ripe

Ripe, ripe, I cry

Edward, let go of that, you little brute.

Edward!

Hey! Look out!

Oh, I'm so sorry. I do

hope you're not hurt.

I'm okay, lady.

Here, give us a hand with this bike.

Look!

The Home Guard.

Identity card, please.

Heavens, I hope I've got it.

Edward! Edward, give me that bag.

I suppose it's manoeuvres,

I thought I heard shooting.

- That's right, madam.

- Ah, here it is.

Thank heavens I shan't be

taken prisoner after all.

You'll have to tell us where you're

making for, if you don't mind.

Bramley End. The manor house.

- The manor house. All right. Thank you.

- Thank you.

And you see, the Hampshire senior

demonstrator sprained her ankle.

So they transferred me to Winchester.

In fact, I'm to give my first demonstration

there this evening. Vegetarian dishes.

Oh, thank you, Dolly, just how I like it.

My cousin gives cookery demonstrations

for the Ministry of Food.

- Oh, that must be very interesting.

- Fascinating.

It's amazing what you can do

with the most humdrum vegetables,

if you set your mind to it.

- Really?

- Which reminds me,

the other day,

when I was rummaging for salvage,

I came across an old book.

I must show you.

It's my grandmother's recipe book.

Poor dear, she went all through

the Siege of Paris, in 1870, you know.

Rationing wasn't in it.

Oh, here it is.

They were reduced to the

most terrible straits.

And, of course, horse flesh was

unobtainable after the first few weeks.

Rats were quite a delicacy, apparently.

Look, elephant cutlets. Good heavens!

Oh, yes, they ate all the

animals from the zoo.

Parrot pie. Roast leg of bear.

Antelope steak. Tiger en casserole.

Your grandmother must have been

a very courageous woman.

I believe hyena was too

much for her, though.

She was ill for weeks afterwards.

Hyena? I can quite imagine

that was no laughing matter.

I wonder which is the best end

of neck of giraffe'?

Goodness, I must fly!

They've booked the hall for half past six.

Fascinating book. I shall certainly

refer to it in my lectures.

- Do borrow it then, won't you?

- Oh, may I?

I'll take the greatest care of it.

- Let me hold it for you.

- Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, don't bother to come and see me off.

By the bye, I do hope your side wins.

- My side?

- In the manoeuvres.

Oh, yes, of course.

Thank goodness Edward's asleep.

I'll put this in the back for you.

Thank you. Goodbye, Dolly, my dear.

Goodbye, dear.

Oh, this window, the handle's broken.

It's been rattling all the way here.

Now, what can I fix it with?

Oh, this will do.

It's a 1932 model, so you

can't really blame it.

- Well, goodbye, Mr Maxwell.

- Goodbye.

So glad to see you again.

Goodbye, darling.

One can't be too careful, can one?

Parrot pie, parrot pie

Pie, pie, I cry

Drat, that window.

Parrot pie, parrot pie

Pie, pie, I cry

I haven't much cooked, I'm afraid.

But I've got these leftover.

You Germans are partial to sausage,

aren't you'?

Help yourself, don't wait to be asked.

You're a sensible woman.

You'd do better for yourself

to accept the situation.

Well, it's been a very

pleasant surprise, really.

After the way the papers

have been carrying on

about you Germans being fiends

in human form

and sticking babies on

the ends of bayonets.

- Sugar?

- Mmm.

Babies on bayonets?

What would be the advantage?

That's just what I say.

Oh, you'll need the cruet.

You don't look at all

that sort of man to me.

A regular family man, I

should take you for.

I'm not married, but I have two fine sons

who will soon be old enough to fight.

You don't say?

Well, I'm broad-minded myself and, uh...

And accidents will happen.

Here. That silly pepper pot. I'll do it.

I never had any children myself.

Mr Collins blamed me for

it and I blamed him.

And then he was taken.

So we never found out.

Hello, Upton.

Hello, Upton!

Are you there?

Are you there?

Hello, Upton.

"And what are you doing

for the war effort?" she said.

Well, the nerve!

That's old Mother Collins.

She can wait.

Hello, Upton!

Are you there? Are you there? Hello!

Calls herself a lance bombardier, too.

Oh, well, better see

what the old girl wants.

Hello?

Hello?

- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.

Is Mrs Collins in?

She's out. Can I help you?

It's the five o'clock collection.

Mrs Collins asked me to tell you

there isn't any mail today.

- Isn't any?

- None at all.

Oh, well, good day, then.

Good day.

- Frank Leslie.

- Here.

- John and Michael Farrar.

- Here.

- Billy Curtis.

- Here.

- Norman Williams.

- Yes.

- George Truscott.

- Here.

Everything will be all right, boys.

- Goodnight.

- BOYS:
Goodnight, Mrs Fraser.

- Mrs Cobham.

- Here.

- John Underwood.

- Here.

- Mrs Underwood.

- Here.

- Oliver Wilsford.

- Here.

- Mrs Owen.

- Here.

Where's my husband?

Where's the Home Guard?

The Home Guard have been dealt with.

No!

Go on, Sergeant.

Jack Brown.

Jack Brown!

Here.

Silence!

- Phyllis Long.

- Here.

- Charles Sims.

- Here.

It isn't true, it can't be true.

I'm afraid it is, Mrs Owen.

- Mrs Bates.

- Here.

- James Sturry.

- Here.

- Mrs Sturry.

- Here.

- Thomas Sturry.

- Here.

Joseph Garbett.

- Joseph Garbett!

- That's me.

What do you mean "dealt with"?

You understand well enough.

- Mrs Rogers.

- Here.

- Mrs Barnes.

- Here.

- Walter Pavitt.

- Here.

439993! PW-

- Here.

- Ivy Dorking.

- Here.

What about the guards?

Well, they meet under the window,

go around the house,

meet on the other side.

- I'll have to time it okay, though.

- What do you do then?

Well, what I always do,

crawl down behind the tennis court

through the kitchen garden

and into the woods.

But suppose there's more Jerries about?

Then what?

Make a detour.

Bill Purvis, he learnt me all the dodges.

And bring the Home Guard back?

Gosh! Perhaps there'll

be a battle at Bramley.

You betcha. And we won't half

give those blinkin' Jerries the works.

Put the light out, Frank.

I've got Mrs Fraser's torch.

Well, chaps.

- So long.

- So long.

Have you hit on a plan yet, Mr Wilson?

Yes, I've got something worked out.

Uh, Mrs Rogers, a cup of tea?

- But we must wait until...

- Wait while there's more killing?

- What's the use of that?

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