When Nietzsche Wept Page #6

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would remain...

inside you.

U nlived.

Throughout eternity.

You like

this idea?

Do you hate it? Which?

I hate it!

Why?

The only thing

I love about my life

is the thought

that I have fulfilled my

duties to my wife and children.

Duty?

Your duty

is a sham.

It's the curtain

you hide behind.

To truly build

your children,

you build

yourself. First.

And as for your wife, let her break

out from this prison you share.

And be

broken by it.

H m?

Are you sure about this?

To continue with the sense

that I have not lived.

That I have not

tasted freedom.

The idea fills

me with horror.

Help me, Siggy.

Fly! Fly!

Fly! You're free! You're free!

And you too

are free.

Free them?

This is madness.

Suddenly I find

that I am old.

I am facing death without

having lived my life!

Since when is there

your life and my life?

We made a covenant

to share our lives.

Leave if you want!

But not until I tell you about

the cruel joke of freedom.

I wish I had

your freedom.

Freedom of a man to obtain an education.

To choose

a profession.

I wish I had the vocabulary, the logic

to express just how foolish you sound!

Mathilde, if I am able to find my life

we will both

be better off.

Perhaps I will come back to this life.

But it must be

my choice!

Have you forgotten about the

choice you made in marrying me?

What choices does a deserted wife have?

You are young,

rich, attractive!

You will be as free as I am!

We have

three children!

Mathilde, I should have

been I before I became we!

Words! Words! You cannot live in words!

I choose

my life, too.

And I choose

to tell you

you cannot return

to this house

because it will no longer be your home!

Once you leave, I will

no longer be your wife!

Mama!

Say goodbye to your father, children.

Forever.

Please, Papa,

don't leave.

Get out there. Leave,

if that's what you want.

Robert, I'm still

your father.

No, you're not

my father anymore.

Robert.

Goodbye, my

little chickens.

I only have

one life!

Nietzsche is right.

My freedom has been here

all along for the taking.

Now is my last chance.

This is my one

and only life.

I'm looking for

Bertha Pappenheim.

She's in the garden

with the doctor.

Should I inform her

you are here?

No, thank you,

I shall wait.

Please, wait for

her upstairs.

Thank you.

I love you.

You will always be the

only man in my life.

Josef!

How are you?

Papa, don't leave.

Having doubts, Josef?

How could I have given up everything?

You'd given up everything

long before you met me.

Yes, but now

I have nothing!

And nothing

is everything.

I n order to grow strong, you must first

sink your roots deep

into nothingness.

But learn to face your

Ioneliest Ioneliness.

My wife.

My children.

How could I

have left them?

You must be ready to burn

yourself in your own flame.

How could you

become new,

if you would not

first become ashes?

Waiter.

Josef?

Dr. Breuer?

Josef!

Where are

you going?!

What a ridiculous man.

Josef, come backl

Josefl

Josefl

Look out I

Josefl

Josefl

Come backl

Josef!

Josef!

Josef, listen

to me.

Eight,

seven,

six,

five,

four,

three,

one.

You're wide

awake now.

Where am I?

Where am I?

Everything's alright,

Josef.

Siggy...

what's happening

to me?

You are in

your house.

It'll all come

back to you.

I did exactly

as you instructed.

I hypnotized you using

your watch as a pendulum.

Here it is, Josef,

on your desk.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, I remember.

How long

was I under?

Nearly an hour.

You wept,

you looked frightened.

I asked you if you wanted to stop.

Now I know what it would be like...

to live differently.

Max and Rachel have arrived for dinner.

Mathilde.

You complain you don't see enough of me.

Yet, when

I'm here,

you want

to desert me?

I've been

away, my dear.

But now

I am back.

I'm glad

you're here.

Dr. Freud, my husband needs a doctor.

To your health,

my boy.

And to you, Max.

And to you, Josef.

Oheers.

Oh!

M mm.

My boy, my boy.

Excuse me.

Have I made

you cry?

It's a good cry.

It's sad too.

When I think

how long it's been-

Marry me, Mathilde.

Please.

I think we did this

And I choose

to do it again.

Today.

And every day for the rest of our lives.

So, tell me,

how did you cast her out?

Well, I was terrified

by aging and death.

I fought back

but blindly.

I n desperation,

I attacked my wife

and sought rescue

in the arms of one

who had no rescue to givel

I n a certain sense,

I've betrayed you.

I have been so dishonest with you.

Oompletely.

I was myself involved with a woman.

A few months ago.

Her name

was Lou.

Not so unlike

your Bertha.

Beautiful girl.

I fell in love.

She just appeared

to be my twin brain.

My soul's mate.

And she led me

on to believe

that I was the man to whom

she was destined and...

I believed her.

And when I offered

myself to her,

she spurned me...

in favor of

my best friend...

in the world.

I must tell you that there is not...

not one day

that goes by...

not even an hour,

where I do not think of that woman.

She is your Bertha.

But you see? You've been

doing double work here.

Yours and mine.

I'm like the most

cowardly of women.

And I crouch behind

your back here,

letting you face all

the dangers all alone.

You have courage.

Friedrich, there is

something I must tell you.

Dr. Breuer?

How do you do?

You must read these letters

N ietzsche has sent me.

These are

my private letters.

You did see

her then?

Yes, but I

refused her.

So all of this was just a pretense.

I made a promise

to help you.

I never betrayed

that promise.

What did she do? She

took you by the arm?

Told you she had to

spend more time with you?

I shared one, one holy moment with her,

it's the only holy

moment I've ever known.

No one fell in love with me, ever. Ever.

Friedrich, it may have

been a holy moment for you,

but not for her.

What are

you saying?

She never mentioned

the water?

No.

I feel such

a loss.

H m.

I don't know.

I think I've

lost Lou.

And you.

Everything, I lose.

I could have

From your mind.

And you

have a family.

You have your family

and I have my pretenses.

My secret little ways of

tolerating my aloneness.

But I glorify it,

don't I?

And I just don't

want to die alone.

I don't want my body

just to be discovered.

By its stench.

Lou softened that fear

for me for a while.

But you're right.

It's just

an illusion.

Friedrich.

It's such

an illusion.

Friedrich. She does care about you.

She went to extremes to help you.

If your tears

had a voice,

what would they say?

I feel so ashamed.

Tell me.

My tears would say we're free.

You never

let us out,

until Dr. Breuer

opened the gate.

And what about the

sadness behind those tears?

It's not sadness.

It's such a relief.

It's such

a relief!

It's the first time I'm

revealing my loneliness.

It's melting.

It's melting away.

It's a paradox. Isolation

exists only in isolation.

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