Where God Left His Shoes Page #4

Stick your hand out, come on.

It's gonna sting a little bit, all right?

Come on.

Let me see.

All right.

- Where'd you get that?

- I took it.

- Oh, sh*t.

- What's the matter?

I can't eat it now.

It has peanuts in it.

- So? What's the big deal, man?

- I'm allergic to peanuts.

- Remember?

- Allergic to peanuts?

I thought you was allergic

to, uh, raisins.

No, peanuts.

Well, that's what you get

for stealing, man.

Hey, look, I wanna say

I'm sorry, all right?

It's just that...

Never mind. I'm sorry, man, all right?

I'm sorry.

Can you walk?

Yeah, I think so.

All right.

If it hurts, let me know and we'll

take a break, all right? Come on, let's go.

Excuse me, ma'am, do you know where

the Human Resources department is?

- It's on the third floor.

- Third floor?

WoMAN:
Up the escalators.

Okay, thank you. Come here.

Hey, over there. Go.

Go sit down and rest your ankle. Go.

WoMAN:
Can I help you?

- Yes, how you doing?

My name is Frank Diaz.

I'm here for the security guard position.

- I was wondering, who should I speak to?

- Sorry, they're all filled.

Oh, wow, really?

Well, are there any other

positions available?

WoMAN:

You don't look like a perfume tester.

Well, I can be very versatile.

Look, we really don't have

anything right now.

Try back after the New Year.

You know, what do you have to do

to be a perfume tester?

What do you do? Hold the bottle

and say, "Try this fragrance,

Chez Monet"? I could do that.

Sir, move your foot out

the door before I call security.

Sorry.

- Come on. Find something, man.

- I'm looking, I'm looking. Relax.

- What about this? What about that?

- No, not that.

What about that,

a beautician in the Bronx?

Oh, a beautician. Ha, ha.

That's hilarious, man. You're really funny.

What? How hard does it have

to be to cut someone's hair?

Gotta go to school for that.

You can't just cut hair,

- give a perm or a weave without learning.

- Don't have to go to school for that.

You do.

Gotta go to school for everything.

Not if you wanna be president.

All you have to be is 35 and a U.S. Citizen.

Look, just find me a job, okay?

Just find me a job.

Because I'm not gonna be president,

and I'm for sure not gonna be

a beautician in the Bronx.

What about painting?

- I can do paint. Where?

Right here, 230 East 1 st Street.

Good work, man, good work.

Rip it out, rip it out.

Hey, hey.

- Hey, Jus. Check it out.

- What?

- Little girly over there.

- Where?

Right there.

Oh, look at her. She's looking at you, man.

She's eyeballing you.

No, she's not.

Look at how she just smiled.

- Come on, do something, man.

- No.

- She's smiling at you.

- No.

Look at that.

You're in like Flynn, buddy.

Don't waste it. It's a great opportunity.

Do something. Do something.

- Wave at her.

- No.

She loved it, she loved it, look at her.

I'm helping you out, man.

- Stupid. Helping me out?

- Don't call me stupid. Let's go.

Let's get out of here.

- You're not gay, are you?

No.

You ever get to first base?

Second.

You're lying, man.

You never got to second base.

- Did too. Kissed a girl.

- Oh, yeah?

- Who was the unlucky lady?

- I ain't telling you.

Better not be that girl with the wooden leg

you always hang out with in the shelter.

Little perv, taking advantage

of the handicapped, man.

- You guys even touch tongues?

- None of your business.

When you start

hitting triples and home runs,

you're gonna have to bag it, all right?

Because you can't go raw dog these days.

"Bag it"? What, what...?

You never got to second base, forget it.

Yeah, I know, I know,

but what does "bag it" mean?

What's wrong?

Nothing, man. Come on, let's go.

- How's your ankle?

- It hurts even more.

Just put the weight on the other leg.

- Don't step on it.

- Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm here to apply

for the painting job.

- Come in.

- Thanks.

MoRRIS:

You ever work in a school?

Uh, no, I can't say that I have.

A bunch of bratty kids with no respect.

Yeah, it won't bother me.

I got two of my own.

You know how to paint?

Yeah, of course. You know,

I painted my own car once even.

It didn't come out all right,

but, hey, it saved a lot of money.

Good. Principal Danner wants every

classroom painted over the holiday break.

- Step into my office.

- Yeah.

Hey, hey, do me a favor.

Go sit by the radiator

and stay warm, okay?

- You smoke?

- Yeah, yeah, sometimes.

Thank you.

It sucks they got you working

on Christmas, huh?

Tell me about it.

All right, let's get this sucker filled out.

- Name?

- Frank Diaz.

- Address?

- 1873 Hunt's Point Avenue, Bronx, 11457.

- Social?

- 987-65-4320. This is on the books, right?

Yeah, of course it's on the books.

It's a city job. Pfft.

Good, good, good.

Where was your previous place

of employment?

I was working construction,

but it was off the books.

- Yeah, before that.

- Oh, before that?

- I'm a professional boxer.

- No kidding?

- Yeah, yeah. Why, you a big fight fan?

- No, no, no, bowling is my sport.

Bowling's cool, bowling's cool.

What else?

Uh, ever been convicted of a felony?

No.

Any medical condition

I should know about?

Not that I know of. Heh, heh, heh.

Any problem starting today?

It would just be till 3:00.

I gotta get a jump-start

on those classrooms.

No, yeah. I can start today, man.

Whatever you need.

That's what I'm here for.

You seem all right in my book.

Besides, I needed somebody yesterday,

um...

- The job pays $ 12.50 an hour.

- Twelve-fifty.

- Yeah, is that a problem?

- No, that's great.

Twelve-fifty's great.

- Well, Mr. Diaz...

- Hey, hey, why don't you call me Frank?

Just call me Frank.

It's what everybody calls me.

- Frank?

- Yeah.

Well, Frank,

unless you changed your mind

before you walked in that door,

you got yourself a job.

I do?

Merry Christmas.

Don't be so happy.

It sucks working here.

The doctor will be right in.

- Okay. Okay.

One, two. Good girl.

Relax, you're gonna get better.

- Hi, I'm Dr. Desai.

- Hi.

Hi. So what's wrong with this little cutie?

Oh, she's been sick for three days.

This morning she woke up with a fever.

Oh, flu's going around.

It sounds like you're coming down

with it too.

Everybody at our shelter is sick.

Oh. Which shelter is it?

Most Precious Host.

It'll be a little cold, okay?

There are better shelters in the city.

There's Safe Haven downtown.

That's for women who've been abused.

What are you trying to say?

I see a lot of women

come here in need of help

- and they don't like to talk about it.

- I don't need help.

My husband's never laid a hand on me.

We came here to take care

of my daughter. Can we just do that?

Okay. Um...

Can you stick out your tongue

for me for a second?

- Wide. "Ah. " Say "ah. "

Ah.

Okay, thanks.

I've been down that road in the past,

and I was smart enough to get out.

There are better shelters,

but that would mean leaving my husband.

I was just giving you options in case

you need them, but you don't.

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