Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Page #8

Well, that is up to you, Kim.

Because you once told me that nothing

happens here that you don't know about.

So you must know about my friend

Iain MacKelpie getting kidnapped.

I did hear about this, yes.

Yeah, well, everybody heard about it,

but a powerful man such as yourself

must actually know something.

Or your friend Pacha Khan knows something.

- Or his friend does.

- Of course.

I could make some inquiries, but I can

only do this for a very special friend.

I have a video that I think

you should watch, Sadiq.

You push the little triangle.

You can watch video on the phone?

What is this?

It looks like the Attorney General

of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan

dancing in the street

with a Western enemy of Islam

at a party where alcohol was served.

I've never touched alcohol in my life!

Well, I'm just saying how it looks.

It's a good idea, right?

It's a great idea!

It's f***ing ace!

Good on ya, Kim!

Let's go, load up!

Let's go, move, move, move!

You drink Tennessee whiskey, Miss Baker?

Yeah.

Outstanding.

Tall Brian? What the f***?

Hang tight, sir.

I'm gonna get you that ride.

Thank you.

What happened to the army, Dr. Brydon?

I am the army.

Thank you, Kim.

How are you?

I've had worse kidnappings.

MacKelpie is being

treated for minor injuries.

Again, this incredible footage was

produced by our very own Kim Baker.

Just incredible. Way to go, Kim!

If you want to kidnap someone

f***ing twice, you do a Toyota.

F***ing not as interesting as it got

when they f***ing pulled out a burqa.

It's too f***ing long for me!

I don't know who

the woman was it belonged to.

I'm not f***ing 6'2", right?

I'm dragging this f***ing thing along,

thinking the only consolation is,

at least if I'm a f***ing woman,

I'm not gonna get buggered,

you know what I'm saying?

So anyway, I took

a little something, actually.

I went to the gift shop at Taliban.

I'm afraid all I could get was that.

It's a shame you're going.

Well, I hope at least they're

flying you first class.

Geri doesn't like me that much.

But she does like me now,

so while I have this juice, I've got

to leverage it into something better.

Yes!

Yes, wait, Iraq.

I'll come with you.

No, actually, Pakistan.

That's where the real shooting sh*t is.

It's like the Wild West out there.

Actually, I told Geri

that I want New York or D.C.

No, I did.

No, really, where are you going?

New York or D.C.

Why?

You can still come with me.

Because I think

there's plenty of good work

to be done in the real world,

and the Kabubble is well-established.

Is this about me going

to Badakhshan without you?

'Cause you would have done

exactly the same thing.

And, hey, what, I forgive you!

This is not about you.

It's not about Badakhshan, or Glasgow,

or the cottage with the chickens.

What chickens?

It's okay. I know you're not gonna come.

I just have to get out of here

before it's too late.

What do you mean?

I started to feel like this was normal.

You know it's not, right?

Come to New York and get it.

Remember, you're like a six in Manhattan.

How's your baby?

Which one?

- You have two?

- Yes.

Irish twins.

No, they are very good.

The younger one, the boy,

he's very strong.

I bet the girl is strong, too.

She's stronger.

So,

those men in the hospital, the addicts...

Any of them ever get better?

Have a happy ending?

In my culture, we would hug.

Hey.

You know, I miss it. The Stan.

Yeah, I miss it, too.

Actually, I tried to go back

but even the Army wouldn't take me.

I mean, the Army!

I mean, that's just hurtful.

Well, I'm very sorry

for what happened to you.

So if there's anything that you want

to say to me, that's why I'm here.

That's why I came here.

Ma'am,

I lost my legs because of an IED,

not because of you.

I appreciate that,

but if I hadn't quoted you,

you wouldn't have been transferred.

No, really, you can say

whatever you want to me.

That's why I'm here.

Okay, well, then let's say you're right.

It's still not 'cause of you, ma'am.

Some 12-year-old haji

had to plant that bomb.

And, hell, you know, if Bin Laden's

parents hadn't have gotten divorced,

maybe none of us would've been

in the Stan to begin with.

And the Taliban, they wouldn't

have even been there for UBL

if Brezhnev hadn't have gone and fouled up

Afghanistan in the first place.

And the British Empire. Yeah.

And Kim Baker.

Okay, I deserve that.

Goddamn! Once you got no legs,

everyone takes everything so serious.

I mean, there's only so much

any of us have any control of,

good or bad.

If you didn't learn that in Afghanistan,

you were not paying attention.

So, you're not gonna yell at me?

I mean, ma'am...

Kim, you've got to move on.

You're giving yourself

way too much credit.

You embrace the suck,

you move the f*** forward.

What other f***ing choice do we have?

Do I hear swearing over there?

How are you standing there

the one time I curse?

- "One time".

- I mean...

It's true. He had a good

long run in the military.

Don't cover up for him.

So, Kim, are you gonna stay for dinner?

Of course she will.

Bye!

Say bye to Kim. Say bye. Bye, Kim!

Colonel, the Afghan National Army missed

yet another benchmark for preparedness.

How do you think that will affect

our draw down in the region?

There needs to be a revision

to the previously announced draw down

or our future exit strategy.

- Thank you, Colonel Roberts.

- Thank you. My pleasure.

Coming up, a look at the war on terror

that's close to home

for those of us who cover it.

From London, I'll be joined by award-winning

combat photographer, Iain MacKelpie.

His new book, Conflict Zone,

chronicles a decade spent working

in the Middle East and Afghanistan.

That's when we return.

And we're clear. Back in 40.

Hi, Iain.

Hi. Was I supposed to say something then

- when you introduced me?

- Nope.

Nope. Just sit up, smile.

I can't smile. My face feels weird.

No, you're fine. You look good.

- Thank you for coming on the show.

- No, please. Thanks for having me.

I got it. Okay, yeah. Got it.

You know, they got me

on this book tour at the moment.

I'm gonna be in New York at the end

of the month, if you'd fancy a coffee.

We're back in five, four, three...

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