White Chicks

1

Where's Manny?

Tell him the ice cream man is here.

Freeze. Hammer time.

Can we get down to business?

You got the money?

Tell him.

He said that

he's not gonna give you one red cent...

until you tell him

what flavor the ice cream is.

Vanilla. That's what you ordered.

- Tell him.

- Okay.

It's all about the Benjamins, baby!

Bring in the stuff.

- Arnold Schwarzenegger, funny man!

- He's funny like that!

There is your ice cream.

Tell him. I see coming. He say...

I tell him, I say Jess.

He coming, and he say...

- Tell him.

- He say...

FBI. You're under arrest.

- He's going to run.

- No, he ain't.

You owe me $1.

Where are you going, big boy?

Goddamn. Now I'm going to bust your ass.

Is that all your big ass got?

- Enough.

- Kevin.

All right, you two over here. Right now.

I swear I'll shoot both of you.

Damn, Marcus, why you always

got to pick the biggest dude?

I don't know. I like a challenge.

See, what did I tell you?

We did it, right? Didn't I tell you?

- No help. No backup.

- You the man.

We'll get all the credit.

The biggest bust of our career.

400 keys of pure...

- Vanilla ice cream?

- What?

My man! Where's the drugs?

I know nothing about drugs.

I sell ice cream. Strawberry. Vanilla.

Neapolitan, for example.

Tell Manny his ice cream delivery is here.

Never mind. Wrong store.

FBI. Freeze!

- Marcus?

- I'm good.

- They're moving.

- Let's go.

- Which one?

- I don't know.

- God.

- Damn.

I told you we should've called for backup.

You know the Chief's gonna kill us, right?

You know the Chief's gonna kill us, right?

Let me give you guys a little tip.

If you're going to

operate outside the channels...

do the whole renegade cop thing...

you might want to make sure

that you get the right guy.

Chief, we almost had the guy.

Our intelligence was just a little off.

Wait a minute. Intelligence?

Look around you, Copeland.

There's nothing intelligent about this.

Now I'm tired of your escapades.

I want them to stop.

The last thing I need is

to be the laughingstock of the Bureau.

And furthermore, the...

Hold on. Hello? Baby, I can't talk.

The Chief is chewing my ass right now.

I got to call you back. Bye.

- Sorry, Chief.

- As I was saying...

Gordon here.

Yes, he is.

- It's for you.

- Thank you.

- Baby, I'm still with the Chief.

- No respect.

No, he's really not happy now.

Okay, I got to go. Bye. Thanks, Chief.

You guys are... Get this place cleaned up.

I expect to have a full report

on my desk tomorrow.

- Yes, sir.

- And in the meantime...

I'm checking with the Bureau

to see if they got any openings...

in Iraq.

The Dynamic Duo strikes again.

Way to go, Baskin and Robbin.

Or is it Hag and Dazs?

Hag and Dazs. You wrote that?

That's good, I like that.

- Later, Hag.

- Adis, Dazs.

- I hate those guys, dude.

- Oh, God.

All right.

Well, let's get this place cleaned up.

- All right.

- Okay, so, you do the floor.

Clean all the ice cream up

and I'll go warm the car up.

Okay. So much for a hot meal.

- Hey, baby.

- Don't "hey, baby" me.

I can't believe you have me

sitting here all night worried about you.

All night? Baby...

it's only 8:
00.

Look, after work, me and Kevin went

down to the bar and had a couple of drinks.

I know. I called the bar.

They said you left at 7:45.

I checked MapQuest. It only takes

six minutes to get there from here.

So, if you got somebody on the side,

you need to tell me.

Baby, listen to what you just say.

MapQuest said it takes six minutes

to get here. I got here in eight.

Which means there's two minutes

unaccounted for.

If I was cheating on you, don't you think

I'd need more than two minutes?

You know what?

I ain't going to deal with this.

I'm tired, okay?

I had a long day at work. I got shot at.

See, that is exactly

what I'm talking about.

We don't communicate.

- Okay, fine. You want to communicate?

- Yes.

Come on. Let's communicate. Okay?

Okay. Let's start with last week.

Last week.

You and I were supposed to go shopping together.

We get to the mall.

I buy this beautiful dress,

I get my hair done.

You don't say anything. I don't know,

maybe you just don't want to...

Did you hear me just now?

Tell me what I said.

I heard everything. You was communicating.

Don't play with me right now.

I am not in the mood.

I cannot believe you came home late

and then you start...

Marcus! You are falling asleep again.

I am talking to you.

I wasn't asleep, I was closing my eyes

and visualizing your words.

Oh, really? Visualizing?

Why don't you paint me a picture

of what I just said?

- Hold on.

- You know why?

Because you are

falling asleep again. Marcus!

We received this from Mr. Andrew Wilson,

CEO of Wilson Cruise Lines.

It was delivered to his home.

The girls in the photo are his daughters...

and heiresses to the Wilson fortune.

We believe

they are the kidnapper's next victims.

Mr. Wilson has given us permission

to shadow his daughters.

We're going to set up surveillance...

and if the kidnapper strikes...

this time we will be ready.

Now, the Wilson sisters will be flying

into JFK this morning.

So who's going to pick them up?

Obviously, everyone has read

the profile on the girls.

Still, somebody's got to do it.

I don't think this is a good idea.

I don't care. We deserve to be on this case

just as much as Gomez and Harper.

I know, but we don't want

to interrupt the man in a briefing.

Well, somebody got to stand up to him.

- Chief.

- What?

- Marcus has something he want to tell you.

- What?

Chief, we just want to know

if we could get on the case.

You're on.

The boys over at Intel seem to think

that the kidnapper's a guy...

named Ted Burton.

It says Burton was a partner of Wilson's...

and some other associates

in some business venture that failed.

Says he spent time in the Federal pen

and lost his fortune.

Guy's been MIA since his release and those

dates coincide with the first kidnappings.

- What do you think?

- I think this babysitting gig sucks.

Dude, relax.

Look, man.

All we got to do is pick these chicks up...

drop their ass off in the Hamptons,

then we back in the Chief's good graces.

I didn't join the FBI to become a nanny.

I want to be on the street

where the action is.

Okay, Blackie Chan, and you'll get there.

Can we just do this first, please?

- All right.

- You didn't put dairy in this, did you?

- No.

- Because you know I'm lactose intolerant.

Last time, I barely made

it to the bathroom.

Why would I want to disturb your stomach?

There goes your girls.

Come on, man. Let's do this.

- Hi, I'm Kevin Copeland. This is...

- We already gave to the United Negro Fund.

- Wait. Hold on.

- Excuse us.

We're actually here

to escort you ladies to the Hamptons.

The bags are on the plane.

Take Baby and clean out his bag.

He didn't have his colonic

and he like pooped everywhere.

- What's this?

- Baby got to ride in the car seat.

Where the hell am I supposed to sit?

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