White Feast

Innokenty Smoktunovsky

Armen Dzhigarkhanyan

A Vladimir Naumov Movie

The White Holiday

Based on the Tonino Guerra's novel "I cento uccelli

- Hundred Birds"

Written by Tonino Guerra

and Vladimir Naumov

F***, I'll rip your balls off!

Darling, does the private

detective agency situated here?

Here, here, it's over

there, come in, please.

I'm looking for the private detective agency...

- Hush, neighbors are sh*t.

I am the president of detective agency.

- Can I come in? Faster!

Your last name?

- Valentine...

Move it down, please.

Valentine Greg.

How can I help you, Valentine?

I want to offer you a job, simple

job, everything can be done in one day.

From dawn till dusk.

Well, what should I do?

You should follow.

- Follow whom?

Me.

I don't understand.

Well, you...

you will have to...

you will have to follow

me on a short distance...

and write down everything I say and do.

Do you take me?

Coffee?

Thank you, but I don't drink coffee.

I didn't understand, what and

where I have to write down?

To the exercise book, to the

notebook, wherever you want to.

All of my actions and

words, just precisely.

Precisely, got it?

No, I'm not suitable for this job.

I'm just a specialist in the

search of missing animals.

Pets.

And, besides, I'm going to the

bathhouse. Got it? To the bathhouse.

To the bathhouse? No, this thing, that I'm asking

for doesn't require particular specialization.

I'm ready to pay for your

efforts in any foreign currency.

Hush... wife is sh*t.

Payment, of course,

upon completion of work.

I just need... precision.

Absolute precision.

Do you understand me?

Where does he go?

He... slipped... on... the... ice.

What did you wrote down?

He came up to the showcase

and looks at a toy.

At what toy?

It's impossible to determine!

Just came up and looking.

I would ask you to be more observant.

I'm very observant, but

it's impossible to determine.

It is possible...

Well, enough, this work is not for me.

I refuse to do it, I need

to go to the bathhouse.

Please, stop a moment.

Just a moment...

- Well, what else?

You are right. I really don't know

what toy I was looking at. So weird.

Sorry, but you irritate me.

Yes, yes, yes... I irritate many people.

Pardon me.

Where are you going?

Why do you harass me?

I'm going that way.

I'm with you.

Goddammit.

Happy holiday!

What kind of holiday?

- You know, I always forget what it's called.

Ah, maybe it's called "planting of greenery".

- But it's a winter now.

There are puddles everywhere.

I recommend you to take off your

shoes and roll up your pants.

What a strange premises.

Looks like ancient excavations.

- It's a bathhouse.

- A bathhouse?

Stas, give me a smoke.

Oh, I soaked my feet.

What a pity.

- Hi.

- Howdy.

- Client?

- Nope.

- Did you wash them all?

- Yes.

This b*tch bitten all my hands.

- Bring them all to me. Owners will start to come at 5 p. m.

- Yes.

- Will you have a drink?

- Yes, let's drink.

- What's the matter, drink this one. - For the

evening, "Anise" is always for the evening. - Oh well.

- Will you have a drink?

- No thanks. I never drink.

- Simulya, wil you have a port? - Thanks,

Stas. - Come on, drink, wet your whistle.

What, do you feel inconvinient? Turn

to the side, like this. Come on, drink.

- Miss, miss...

- What's the matter?

- I came.

- I see that you came. What's next?

- The chair is ready?

- What a chair? Are you crazy, sir?

- Stop it... - A chair with a

broken leg... - ...stand in a queue!

- I see you didn't recognize me, and because of it...

- There are thousands of you, and I'm the only one.

You can stand on my place

and try to recognize anybody.

Your chair is ready.

Plywood door on the right.

They are waiting for you there.

Thank you.

Stand in a queue!

- Twelve hankies I said... - But

I need six! - We don't have six...

- And what about the color?

- The color is only that you can see...

Hey, didn't you see

the old man in the hat?

- Who's there?

- It's me.

Hello. May I come in?

Ah, you came...

- Give him a place to seat. - Let's finish

playing... - Give him a place to seat!

Come in, your chair is ready.

- Will you have a port? - I

never drink. - Never drink...

- Do you play cards? -

No... - You play, you play...

More?

- More.

- More...

Show your cards.

Pip!

The chair.

What chair?

And where is the chair?

And where is the chair? Where?

- You are sitting on it!

You already drank away your brain.

Here it is. Try to break

it. Look how it's done!

Try, try to break!

Skill is stronger than

booze. Now give me the money.

I lost you, don't know...

...what to write down.

- Write this down: he againbought an old chair.

- Why do you need this old chair?

- Excuse me, but it's none of your business. I need it. Let's go.

Give him some air, take

it easy, it's just a spasm.

Just a spasm. It will pass.

- Oh yeah, a spasm, we must go, people are waiting for us. Patient, stand up, stand up, try to stand up.

Look into my eyes. I order

you to look into my eyes.

It's alright. Everything is alright.

Just a spasm. It will pass.

- Let's go, we're expected. Wait, don't you see he's feeling bad?

Try to stand up, patient. Look into my eyes.

- He's already feeling better.

I adjure you, look...

- Everything is allright.

Stay with him, please, and we...

- Open your eyes! Well, he's totally allright. Come on, the car is waitng...

We need to call an ambulance.

It's too late, he's already dead.

Buy a cat. Wonderful, beautiful, champion

of the city of Penza. A joy for...

I'm tired of all these cats.

Professor?

Do you recognize me?

I think, yes...

I was your student.

And how are you?

Fine, great.

And you?

I'm alright...

It's good that the memories remain...

Professor!

No, no, nothing, everything is alright.

And now this fool will write down,

that she said "Everything is alright".

Do you sell vodka?

- Yep.

My mask...

This crone lives in our apartment. The most

sh*t. I hate her bulging eyes, dammit...

Look, look, what a mug!

And this one comes to her, speculator...

Listen! That one is Simka's

fancy man. Simka's fancy man!

Do you remember Simka? She

was singing in the bathhouse.

Listen! This is Vas'ka with his wife, they

set up a marketing cooperative, bastards...

and now they are raking

in the shekels. Look!

Gravediggers. Here is the wife...

Who painted it?

- Me. Bruegel painted it 500 years ago.

Look! In the middle,

half-face, running somewhere...

Do you see? Maybe that's me...

My chair.

Do you know, Stanislav,

sometimes it seems to me, that

all of us there.

No, rather all of them...

all of them... here.

Let's drink!

Let's get out of here.

And who will pay the money?

- On the way back.

Would you buy this birdcage?

Relese the bird, please...

- I will, it croaked anyway.

What's the matter?

- I feel very cold.

Come on, there is one eatery nearby.

Ah you scabby vile with rancid brains!

I'll get you anyway, stinky sucker!

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