White House Down Page #3

they can be really political.

Good morning.

Light day at the White House today.

Eagle will remain on the 18 acres.

He has phone calls

to the congressional leadership.

First lady is back tonight?

Empress is wheels down at 1845.

They're supposed to have dinner at the

residence, but you know how they are.

So we should have an advance

on Obelisk, Marcel's, the usual.

- What if she wants sushi?

- No, no, she's off sushi.

Remember she had that thing

on the Japan trip?

- Carol, how are you still awake?

- Caffeine and patriotism, sir.

- Threat matrix?

- Well...

...threats against POTUS

have quadrupled since the G8 speech.

PID is keeping an eye on a guy

in Buffalo they're worried about.

- Visitors today?

- Just the AV guys again.

DC Sonic, they're replacing

the surround system in the theatre.

- First lady must be thrilled.

- And she's...

She's coming back tonight?

Carol, is she coming back tonight?

Yes, sir. Wheels down at 1845.

Yes, of course.

As many of you are well-aware,

this is my last week here...

...so I wanna make this clear

to everybody:

If there are any congratulatory cakes

or any of that nonsense...

...I will be compelled

to use deadly force.

I hate you. I hate you all.

Thank you. No incendiaries

in the White House.

All right, baby,

I just gotta get my weapon real quick.

You're gonna have to sign out, sir.

Hello.

You guys here for the tour?

Do you think we can see

where you'll be working?

- Yeah, sure.

- Great.

Gather around, everyone,

gather around. My name is Donnie...

...and I'll be your guide today as we take

a walk through American history.

I wanna give you all a warm Washington,

D.C. welcome to the White House...

...where each year we get millions

of guests from every corner of the globe.

Where are you folks from?

Washington, D.C.

- Bad choice. What about you, ma'am?

- Nebraska.

What brings you to the White House?

I wanna see the tunnels where JFK

snuck Marilyn Monroe in.

Unfortunately, no such tunnels exist,

but don't worry, we have plenty...

...of other exciting sights

to show you guys.

Follow me this way.

Now, does anyone wanna guess

how old the White House is?

- Yes.

- Two hundred and twenty-two years old.

That's very accurate.

Construction began in 1792...

...on what was then called

the President's House.

Now, Article 1, Section 8

of the U.S. Constitution set forth...

...that a district of no more than

1O miles square...

...should house the new seat

of government. Does anyone know why?

So no one state could claim

the President's House.

Right again.

You're a real keener, aren't you?

Now, the founders were crafty...

Hey, so you can tell me the truth.

Do you get picked on a lot in school?

No, I don't.

- It's a gift certificate for a massage.

- I could use one.

Martin, it's-- It's been...

I know, for me too, Ted.

You know you're gonna miss this.

- When's the last time you took a day off?

- Oh, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Piece of advice:

You gotta get back on the horse.

- Get back on the horse?

- First rule of divorce: Get right out there.

Sow some oats, break some hearts,

have actual human interaction...

...with a member of the opposite sex.

Carol, you keep this up, 20 years

from now you're gonna look like me.

Well, there are worse things.

Don't make this your whole life.

Trust me.

It's not worth it.

Go home.

Get some rest.

Now.

And that is an order.

Yes, sir.

Now, not too many people

realise this...

...but the White House

is actually three buildings:

The East Wing

where you guys came in...

...the West Wing, which houses

the Oval and Executive Offices...

...and we're about to enter the residence,

which is the famous building that...

-...got blown up in Independence Day.

- What's in there?

That's the president's home theatre.

Membership has its privileges.

Right this way

through the double doors, please.

There's still lots more to see.

You got a visitor.

Hey.

- Could you stay with the tour?

- Yeah.

Thank you.

The White House is big.

Including below-ground levels,

it's six storeys tall...

...with 132 rooms, 412 doors,

147 windows, 28 fireplaces...

...and 35 bathrooms.

The grounds contain a tennis court,

a basketball court...

...a putting green, a jogging track

and a swimming pool.

- And where's the PEOC?

- The what?

She's referring to the Presidential

Emergency Operations Centre...

...which is this really cool bunker

behind 10 feet of concrete and steel...

...that's capable of surviving

a nuclear blast, plus...

...for your information, miss,

it's the one room in the house...

...that no one knows the location of.

WikiLeaks says

it's under the East Wing.

Who wants to see

the bowling alley, huh?

- Oh, my God.

- How we doing, folks?

- Mr. President.

- How's the tour?

You see the basketball court?

Mr. President, can I ask you a question

for my YouTube channel?

- That'd be all right. What's your name?

- Emily Cale.

Emily Cale, go ahead.

- Okay.

- How I look on that thing?

I wasn't ready for a press conference.

How do you expect 22 Arab nations

with different regional...

...and religious interests

to agree on a single treaty...

...especially given the newly

erupting conflicts...

...between the Shiites and the Sunnis

in southern Pakistan?

Tough question.

To be honest with you, I don't know.

Whether they'll agree or not...

...I'm not sure, but I gotta try.

The day we stop believing

different people can come together...

...is the day we've given up on the world.

I'm not ready to.

What I am ready to do

is give a little girl...

...a shout-out on her YouTube blog.

Hi, folks,

my name is James W. Sawyer...

...and I'm here with Emily Cale

and her video blog.

Check it out.

- You have a good one.

- Wait.

Mr. President, this is my dad John.

He's gonna be

on your Secret Service detail.

Secret Service detail. Is that right?

You know, I take my protection detail

very seriously.

- Yes, sir.

- Stop lying to children.

- Nice to meet you, Emily.

- Nice to meet you too, Mr. President.

You guys have a good one.

Need your vote now.

Oh, my God, that was so fun.

Thought you said no one

says "blog" anymore, huh?

Bye, Fred.

Goodbye, Mrs. Finnerty.

Oil painting by Tom Freeman

to commemorate the burning...

...of the White House

by the British in 1814.

- Wait, the White House burned down?

- Yeah, yeah, in the War of 1812.

Practically had to be rebuilt

from the ground up.

When I look at this painting,

I get very emotional.

John.

I think I need to avail myself

of one of the 35 bathrooms in here.

There's a ladies' room downstairs.

- Where? I'll take her.

- I can go by myself, John.

I'm not a child.

Hey, just don't touch anything

or wander off...

...or talk to anybody

that you shouldn't be talking to.

I make no promises.

He's seven minutes behind.

Sorry, he got hung up

on the State Floor.

- Good morning, Margaret.

- Morning, Mr. President.

Could you get the speaker

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