White Mischief Page #5

Alice was looking after it.

Not a bad dog.

- Come on, biccy!

Diana?

Diana?

l have to go up to the farm today.

Why don't you come with me?

It'll do you good.

l'll stay here, if you don't mind.

Darling, l think we should put

this Erroll business behind us.

lt might be fun to have a dinner party.

Sort of a housewarming.

- What do you think?

- Oh, Jock.

You know nobody will come near us.

Car ready, bwana.

Rinderpest.

Done for the lot of them.

Couldn't you have

done something?

- There's nothing...

- It's not bloody good enough!

Why do you think l pay you?

- This is Africa, sir.

- Damn you!

Bloody country! Bloody disgrace!

There you are.

Bring me a heart starter, will you?

Yes, bwana.

- Abdullah?

- Bwana?

Don't understand these bankers.

When the sun's shining

they can't wait to lend you an umbrella.

- When it rains, they want it back.

- Yes, bwana.

- Tea?

- Thank you.

No blood, just a little milk.

- What?

- Sorry, l couldn't resist it.

May l?

- Do you have an ashtray?

- It's beside you, on the table.

ls that you and Joss?

Must have been some time ago.

Who's the other person?

- That's not Jock, is it?

- Yes.

My God.

- Have you seen what he's wearing?

- Pair of checked stockings.

Here.

lt'll be all right.

l'll get you away from him.

Marry me.

l'll look after you.

- Marry me.

- Marry you?

What for? Why?

You're very beautiful.

Take me home!

Diana, is that you?

What's the matter?

l've just seen a photograph of you.

Wearing checked stockings.

What of it?

That was years ago.

- No!

Sorry.

- Where are you going?

- Away from here.

Now that l've got no money,

you're leaving me.

l hate your money.

You're my wife

and you'll behave as my wife!

Don't you leave me.

lf you leave me, l'll shoot you.

Would you, Jock?

Car ready, msa...

l am very disappointed with you, Diana.

You've treated me very badly.

Don't kill me, Jock.

Oh, Diana.

You don't have a drink.

Rather a good idea, isn't it?

Typical of Alice.

l'm sorry?

Requesting that a cocktail party

be held at her grave.

# A is for Alice who does nothing right

# B her beloved

she yearns for each night

# C is for Colvile

who's gone off his head

# D for de Trafford who hates being wed

# E is for everyone, hot and in season

# F is for f***ing

we like with good reason

# G is for Gwlady looking

round for the fight

# H is for heartaches

to the left and to the right

# l is Idina, so fragile so frail

# J is for Joss, a sting in her tail

# K is for Kenya, kisses and all

# L is for love into which we all for

# M is for money

we always need more of

# N is for Nina

who no-one's quite sure of

# O is the outrage with nothing to gain

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