Wilby Wonderful Page #5

it's a little short of

nothing there, buddy.

Buddy?

Hmm? Oh, sorry. So sorry.

You'll excuse me.

Sushi, shrimp?

Oh no, thanks.

I can't have shellfish.

- Oh.

- I get hives.

- I'll have some.

- Oh sure.

Mmm. They're good.

You gonna have a seat?

Yeah.

I would have brought a bottle

but I gave it up.

Didn't agree with me.

Well, it did agree with me,

but on all the wrong stuff.

Mmm.

How you doing with everything?

Maybe it's for the best.

I mean, once they publish

the names, right?

Everyone will know.

Maybe next year

we'll have a parade.

Mind some music?

Yeah, sure.

So what do you like to do?

- What do you mean?

- I mean what do you like to do?

Do you have

any hobbies or anything?

Oh

I don't know. Not really.

Okay.

Anyway

Got another one of those?

- You allowed to smoke?

- I should think so. I'm 16.

- They're bad for you.

- So is this hellhole.

What's a hellhole?

- Wilby.

- No it isn't.

Hah.

What's a hellhole about it?

What's not?

The people.

Some maybe.

- The weather.

- In the summertime.

- The land.

- Which land?

- The watch.

- Not for much longer.

- Why not for much longer?

- Unless you like golfing.

- What do you mean?

- It's gonna be a golf course.

- Says who?

- My dad.

These old guys

who were at our house this

morning are buying it.

How's that supposed to happen?

Because of all the sex

and drugs up there.

- What do you know about drugs up there?

- My dad told me.

The watch has become

"a cancer on the face of Wilby

and must be eradicated."

- He said that?

- Yeah.

Huh.

- Are these lights?

- Um-hm.

Lights suck.

- Wait.

- For what?

- I just wanna wait.

- Don't blueball me, Emily.

I could get sick. I know a guy

who ended up in the hospital.

No, just for a little while.

Oh, great! You're a tease!

What, did you get that

off that b*tch MacKenzie?

What?

- You don't want to be a tease, Emily.

- I'm not.

I mean, you don't want

people to think that.

That's the worst thing

they could think.

Here.

- It's warm.

- Just drink it.

There's ice out by the office.

Okay, I'll take care of it.

Why don't you get ready?

I'll be back in a minute.

Okay.

That's a good one.

When I told my wife she said,

I mean

We never really had that

Kind of physical type

husband-and-wife

type of relationship.

Right.

But when it happened,

I told her

And I knew she'd be

But

She said, "I hope

you rot in hell."

It takes time for people.

It's rough.

- Sorry.

- No, I like it.

I like westerns.

- What do you mean?

- Something I like.

I:

I like western movies.

That makes sense.

You're kind of a cowboy.

A quiet cowboy.

No, you should go. I sorry.

No problem.

I got some things to do.

I'll see ya.

No problem.

If-if you ever need

You know, I'm around.

Good, thanks!

- Open it!

- See ya.

Open the f***ing door!

Open the door!

Open the f***ing door!

Hey!

- You got a problem?

- Mind your own f***ing business.

You all right?

- Stay still.

- Tell him to go!

- Go.

- My coat's in there.

What the f*** do you

think you're doing?

What the f*** do you

think you're doing?

- My coat's in there.

- Get him his coat.

Don't f***in' move.

- My dad's paying for this room!

- Yeah?

He'll be paying for your

f***in' hospital bill.

Get the f*** out of here.

He's gone!

Arsehole!

Aren't you your

mother's daughter?

Oh yeah, sure.

- That's a great wine.

- Oh, it's Canadian.

Really?

Yeah, and it's a nice price too.

I'll make sure

I pick up some more

- before you guys come over next time.

- Speaking of a nice price,

shouldn't we be headed

off to see that house?

And so sorry to hear

about your mom.

She was sick for years.

Oh, so is Brent's. It's hard.

Emphysema and diabetic.

God knows how she takes

those needles every day.

I couldn't do it,

I couldn't do it.

- You know, I had a co-worker

- Yeah, the house?

You guys should get going.

Well, how about you all

finish up your drinks

and I'm going to run

over there ahead

and make sure everything's

as it should be.

Um Brent, you've

got my cell number.

- Just give me a ding when you're on your way.

- Okay.

Buddy will entertain you.

Oh.

You know what, you guys?

I just realized

I have a little errand

I need to run.

- You know where the house is, yeah?

- Yeah?

The door's locked, so just

pull it closed behind you.

All right?

- Jesus.

- Huh.

What's so good

about islanders anyway?

I don't know.

People gotta call themselves

something, I guess.

Do you know him?

- Do you want to say hi or something?

Nah, I tried that.

Who can figure people?

Your mom, she's good at that.

She knows people.

If only she knew herself

a bit better, huh?

She wants to leave Wilby.

That's what she said

all through high school,

but as soon as she left Wilby,

all she talked about

was coming back.

Right?

Right.

So she doesn't know

what she wants.

She wants to love and be loved

Just like all of us.

Sh*t.

Oh!

Yes! Hello? What?

Who?

Brent, yes. Um, maybe

we should wait until

Where?

Oh, yeah.

Oh yeah, I see now. Right, then.

Oh, no! No!

Hello?

Hi! Come on in.

Hey.

Oof!

What you doing there, Stan?

A little "ecradiation"?

These ones are used, at least.

This is something else. I have to

tell you, this is something else.

Oh, that's nothing.

It's a chair.

It's included,

even though it's junk.

That's not that's not

Elaine's style of chair.

- No, but I'm loving this!

- It's creepy.

Oh MacKenzie, shut up!

- See?

- Brent, shut up!

What's that?

Oh, nothing!

That's peculiar. What is that?

What is that?

That's just left over

from work they were doing.

What kind of work?

Big work, heavy work.

- Why don't we just go this way?

- Is it included?

- Where are we going now?

- The dining room. Chop chop.

Look at these moldings!

I'm drooling!

Look at me drooling!

It's a bit excessive

on the woodwork for me,

but I'm thinking

a wedgwood blue maybe.

- No!

- What?

No, it's just that that's

just off limits for now.

MacKenzie, please. Come on!

- Let's go.

- What was she looking at?

What's in there?

- Rags.

- How big is it?

Small. Tiny.

Hmm.

- Oh my god!

- Nothing! Yes, what?

- Look at this gorgeous yard!

- Lots of mowing.

Oh, Brent, shut up!

Not particularly spectacular.

Carol, tell me something.

Is that window facing east?

- Then it'd let in nice morning light

- Where is the girl?

- What?

- Where is she?

MacKenzie is probably

looking around the house.

- MacKenzie?

- What?

Everything's fine!

Everything's fine!

Right there in the living room.

The fellow from the video store.

He was one of the

ones from the watch.

It's gonna get worse

when the names come out.

Good, ship those freaks back to

the mainland where they belong.

I hear you loud and clear.

Oh, hey, where's MacKenzie?

Where's Elaine?

Home by now, I guess.

So what the hell is this, buddy?

- What is this, Brent?

- I haven't got a clue.

I found Insulin

on these needles.

Your mother's diabetic,

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