Wild Page #6

I brought you coffee and a donut,

fresh this morning.

Thanks. Really.

Why don't you come by

for a refill before you head off?

I will. Thanks.

Good morning, fellas.

- Morning.

- Morning.

So, you got a trail name?

- Hmm?

- You know, like a nickname.

We've got one for you.

- Really.

- Queen of the PCT.

Come on.

You've just got so many stories

about people doing things for you

and wanting to help you out.

I mean, nobody ever gives us anything.

No one ever does

anything for us, in fact.

But please, please,

come and get your refill, Your Majesty.

Yeah, Your Majesty

doesn't really go for refills.

Refills typically come to her.

Exactly.

Dude, stop.

Stop. Now I'm going to have

that song stuck in my head

for the next hundred f***ing miles.

- Would you prefer I just...

- Don't.

Don't.

And I said hey, hey, hey...

Shut up, man.

Shut up! I'm serious.

I said, hey!

What's going on?

Get him. Get him!

I'll get you soaked!

I said hey, what's going on?

I'd rather be

a forest than a street

It's okay.

You're safe.

It's okay.

You're all right.

Don't be scared.

You got him! Thanks!

Thanks.

Does he have a name?

Shooting Star.

Shooting Star?

And I'm Vera, and this is Kyle.

I'm Cheryl.

Are you enjoying your hike today?

I'm having a wonderful time,

thank you very much for asking.

You're so polite.

We're just out for the weekend,

rain or no.

Yeah.

Vera's my grandmom.

She's looking after me

because I have some problems

I'm not supposed

to talk about with strangers.

Well, you don't have to talk about them.

But, you know, everybody has problems.

I have problems, too.

What kinds of problems?

Well, I mean,

I have problems with my dad.

I don't see him anymore.

Me, neither. What about your mommy?

She died.

But, you know,

problems don't stay problems.

They turn into something else.

How did she die?

Um...

She got very sick.

My mother's a singer.

She's taught me many songs.

Oh, really?

Would you like to hear one?

Yeah.

From this valley

they say you are leaving

We shall miss your bright eyes

and sweet smile

For you take with you

all of the sunshine

That has brightened our pathway a while

Then come and sit

by my side if you love me

Do not hasten to bid me adieu

Just remember the Red River Valley

And the cowboy that loved you so true

Just remember the Red River Valley

And the cowboy that loved you so true

That was really beautiful.

Thank you.

I miss you.

God, I miss you.

There's no way to know what makes

one thing happen and not another.

What leads to what.

What destroys what.

What causes what to flourish.

Or die.

Or take another course.

What if I forgive myself?

What if I was sorry?

But if I could go back in time,

I wouldn't do

a single thing differently.

What if I wanted to sleep

with every single one of those men?

What if heroin taught me something?

What if all those things I did

were the things that got me here?

What if I was never redeemed?

What if I already was?

It took me years to be the woman

my mother raised.

It took me four years,

seven months and three days to do it.

Without her.

After I lost myself

in the wilderness of my grief,

I found my way out of the woods.

And I didn't even know where I was going

until I got there

on the last day of my hike.

Thank you, I thought

over and over again,

for everything the trail had taught me,

and everything I couldn't yet know.

How, in four years,

I'd cross this very bridge.

I'd marry a man in a spot almost visible

from where I was standing.

How, in nine years, that man and I

would have a son named Carver,

and a year later, a daughter

named after my mother, Bobbi.

I knew only that I didn't need to

reach with my bare hands anymore.

That seeing the fish beneath

the surface of the water was enough.

That it was everything.

My life, like all lives,

mysterious, irrevocable and sacred.

So very close.

So very present.

So very belonging to me.

How wild it was... to let it be.

I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail

Yes, I would

If I could

I surely would

I'd rather be a hammer than a nail

Yes, I would

If I only could

I surely would

Away, I'd rather sail away

Like a swan

That's here and gone

A man gets tied up to the ground

He gives the world

Its saddest sound

I'd rather be a forest than a street

Yes, I would

If I could

I surely would

I'd rather feel

the earth beneath my feet

Yes, I would

If I only could

I surely would

As the sun comes up

As the moon goes down

These heavy notions creep around

It makes me think

Long ago

I was brought into this life

A little lamb, a little lamb

Courageous, stumbling

Fearless was my middle name

But somewhere there I lost my way

Everyone walks the same

Expecting me to step

The narrow path they've laid

They claim to walk unafraid

I'll be clumsy instead

Hold me, love me or leave me

High

Say keep within the boundaries

If you want to play

Say contradiction only makes it harder

How can I be

What I want to be?

When all I want to do is strip away

These stilled constraints

And crush this charade

Shred this sad masquerade

I don't need no persuading

I'll trip, fall, pick myself up and

Walk unafraid

I'll be clumsy instead

Hold me, love me or leave me

High

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