Wild Child Page #5

What undue pleasure it is

to be afforded your company.

- Hi.

You may only call

me Mrs. Darcy...

when you are completely,

perfectly,

incandescently happy.

Okay. Cool.

Freddie, it's me.

Of course, Harriet.

Okay, Poppy,

let's get Freddie.

Lips, hips, hips, and butt.

- Hi.

Hello, trouble.

I like your hair.

What are you doing?

This is a themed

costume party,

not a dwarf prostitutes'

convention.

I'm so sorry.

I must say that you

look incredible.

You make an excellent Shrek.

This is my favorite

song. Come on.

Yeah, go on, Poppy.

Go, girlfriend. That

is entirely wicked.

- Hey, you okay?

- You're awesome.

Is she okay? Shall

I call an ambulance?

You can be sick in my

hands if you'd like.

She's acting like she's drunk.

She should be taken to bed.

- Freddie can do the honors.

You really are a

horridious piece of work.

Mr. Darcy doesn't think so.

She's just a little concussed.

She just needs some air.

- Great idea.

- Come on.

She's up to something.

Follow them.

Report back to me.

- So, explain

yourself, Miss Moore.

'I'm afraid I can't

explain myself, sir,

'because I am not

myself right now,

you see.'

- Said Alice to

the Caterpillar.

You're right.

How did you know?

I was Alice in

the school play.

All boys, before you

look at me weirdly.

Hey.

You so don't need to

play hard to get.

I'm totally into you.

Hey, come on. Calm down.

Okay. Leading lady,

all-boys school,

awkward with intimacy.

Cards on the table.

Are you gay?

Just English.

And I am sober and sensible,

and you, my sweet friend,

are overexcited and concussed.

I go back to school tomorrow,

but I'll be back on the 18th.

How about I see you then?

- Okay.

- I'll make a deal.

No more head-fry behavior.

I sense it might

be your forte.

I won't fry your head

if you don't poach my heart.

Deal.

Crap. Tweedledum

and Tweedledee.

Fraternizing with the girls,

Freddie Kingsley, as

you are well aware,

- is not allowed.

Poppy Moore, get back

inside. Immediately.

- Tell Harriet.

She won't just

shoot the messenger,

she'll skin us alive first.

- Me think not.

- We think not.

Nice work, Kate.

So, is Operation Freddie

well and truly underway?

God knows. Harriet

didn't come,

so it just depends on

whether Tweedledum...

or Tweedledee

decides to tell her.

- There's nothing

to worry about.

Clearly not. Right.

We're going to have to come up

with an addendum to Plan B.

Isn't it ironic how my

ticket out of here...

just might be the

reason I want to stay?

I mean, one of the

reasons, anyways.

Someone call Al Gore.

I think the ice

queen is melting.

What an excellent night.

Eight boys have

actually come up...

and directly spoken to me.

Now, for all you

lovers out there.

It's your final chance.

It's the last dance.

- Come on.

- Come on.

- Last dance,

everybody. Come on.

There's something

I have to tell you.

We already know.

You wax your bum.

- Not quite, but

similar ballpark.

You haven't done it, have you?

No. I mean, I couldn't

admit it back home,

so I kind of lied,

but I'm a total nun.

Welcome to the nunnery.

I'm loving angels instead

Come on, girls. If

we lose today...

we're out of the

championships again.

Perhaps you'd like...

to explain last

night to me. Kate?

I'm sorry.

We just got a little

bit carried away.

Well, as I understand it,

Drippy got totally

carried away...

by Mr. Nellist and

Miss Rees-Withers...

after she lay in a

pool of her own vomit.

Actually, it was Kate's

vomit, Mrs. Kingsley.

I was just lying in it.

I expect better of you two.

You know the values

we stand for at Abbey Mount.

And as for you, Poppy,

I don't know whether

to be pleased...

that you've finally

made some friends here,

or furious that you've

led them astray.

Dismissed.

Not you, Miss Moore.

I gave your father my word

that I'd try and help you,

but I'll be honest,

you're making it

awfully difficult.

You're cleverer and

better than this, Poppy.

Why don't you give

yourself a chance? Try.

Try at something.

Show him that you can

rise to the occasion.

Because judging by the outfits

you created last night,

when you put your

mind to something,

you can do it.

Don't give up on yourself.

Because I haven't.

And neither has your father.

Now off you go.

I really do feel sick.

- What did she want?

Nothing. Just a good

spa destination.

Come on, guys.

God, I feel really vile.

I think I'm going to

puke. Seriously, Poppy,

you're gonna have

to take my place.

There's only seven

minutes left.

Oh, cripes.

- Poppy can take my place.

Don't worry, Miss

Rees-Withers.

We'll play one man down.

We don't want to

carry dead weight.

- No offence.

- None taken.

But seeing as how

you don't want...

me playing on your team,

well, I'm frigging playing.

Into the bucket.

Josie, on the wing.

Poppy, go long.

All right. Wow, okay.

Let's just pretend the ball is...

the last size five pair

of Manolos at Barneys.

Okay.

Let's pull it out the

bag. Offence. Yeah.

Eyes on the prize.

Josie, come on.

Eye on the prize. Oh, my God.

Okay. Josie, help.

Poppy, roll over

it and pick it up.

Yeah. You go, girlfriend.

You dunk that b*tch.

You see the goal, Josie.

Focus, focus. Do

you see the goal?

Way to go.

And finally, in

news as shocking...

as the fall of

the Berlin Wall,

our under-18 lacrosse team...

has gone through to

the second round...

of the county championships...

for the first time since 1976.

To sign up for extra practice,

please see Harriet...

My apologies.

No, it seems you should

see Poppy Moore.

All right, people.

Choose a goal buddy.

From now on each

sentence starts...

with 'I will,'

not 'I want to.'

I will want to saliva vomit...

if we have to call

each other buddy.

Shut up. Hit it.

I'm giving us an

aggression makeover.

Go, go. Crawl, crawl, crawl.

Who is that, Kiki? Kiki.

Get it. That's okay.

Pick it up, scoop it.

Pass it, pass it.

Come on, faster,

faster, faster.

This is ridiculous.

Come on, play like you

mean it, maybe try.

Call the ball.'Mine.'

'I got it.' 'Your ball.'

- Come on, Josie.

- Josie, you're pretty good.

- Josie...

- Pass the ball.

Go on, Kate. Go on. Shoot.

Congratulations once again...

to our under-18

lacrosse team...

who beat Bodley Girls

on Saturday, 5-2.

Well done.

Come on, you guys.

Come on, up and together.

Come on, shake it

like this, Kiki.

Come on, come

on. What is this?

Go. Go. Come on, Josie.

Come on. Quicker,

quicker, quicker.

- Josie, come on. Yeah.

- Kiki. Go, your ball.

Shoot, Kiki, shoot.

And the groundbreaking news...

is that Abbey Mount is through...

to the lacrosse

championship final.

Dear Ruby, today's my big date...

with the headmistress'

son, Freddie.

Wish me luck,

I may be out of here

before you know it.

Lover boy's waiting

outside for you.

But remember,

you want someone

to catch you out.

- So stay near

school, and good luck.

Thanks. Fingers crossed.

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