Willow Creek

1

Ow.

Are you OK?

Here, hold this.

Honey, I'm, I'm driving.

Just hold it.

Hey, that's my jam.

All right.

Say something.

This is not safe.

That's good. Keep talking.

I'm not... what do

you want me to say?

Just keep talking.

I got to adjust these levels.

One, check one.

Ah, brr...

Ma made me mash my M & M's.

That's good. Keep going.

Uh, this is... check one.

My boyfriend is a big idiot.

Check one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. More.

And, here we go again.

That's it.

And, I don't feel safe driving around

this mountain like this, babe.

No, that's great. Keep going.

Uh, it's the cradle of life,

the center of civilization.

Men have fought for

it, even died for it.

What is that?

One might say it's the most

powerful thing on earth,

so come on, ladies,

show it a little love.

Cleansing Washing Cloths

from Summer's Eve.

Hail to the V.

That's great.

What, what is that from?

It's a douche commercial

I didn't get.

You didn't get that?

Yup.

Oh, man.

I'm surprised. That was really good.

Thanks, babe.

You would, you could have

been the next douchiest

spokesperson in the world.

- You're really funny, you know that?

- Thank you.

You think my vagina is dirty?

Is that what you're saying?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, it's a dirty V.

- Really?

- You have a dirty V.

Have I ever told you how dirty

your penis is, your cock?

Uh, thank you. No, baby,

you have a porcelain V.

Your V is spotless.

That's more like it.

Yup, you're welcome.

Action.

Are you going to,

are you going to say, "Action"?

Don't do, don't do that.

That's going to mess me up.

OK.

It doesn't make any

sense at all, but...

Hi. I'm Jim Kessel.

I'm here at the Trinity

National Forest along Route 96,

also known as, "The Bigfoot Byway."

I'm here with my girlfriend,

Kelly Monteleone,

where we plan on

re-tracing the famed

1967 Patterson-Gimlin footage

in our search for Bigfoot.

What's that face?

Just, it's your thing.

Just make it about you, you know,

no girlfriend, my name, all that.

You don't want to be in

the movie and now you're,

you're Stanley f***ing Kubrick.

That's good.

Oh. Oh, OK.

Hi. I'm Jim Kessel.

I'm here at Trinity National

Forest, along Route 96,

also known as, "The Bigfoot Byway."

I'm here at Bluff Creek,

where I plan on re-tracing the famed

1996 Patterson-Gimlin footage

in my search for Bigfoot.

OK.

- Are you a little nervous?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

I can see it. I can see it.

You know what?

I just want you to take these off.

OK.

- I want you to loosen up.

- Yeah.

- And, just be yourself.

- All right.

You know. It's like, "Hey,

lets..." Just talk and...

We're here in this

beautiful place. Use it.

OK.

OK.

Hey, what's up? I'm Jim Kessel.

I'm here at the Trinity National

Forest, along Route 96,

also known as, "The Bigfoot Byway."

I'm here at Bluff Creek,

where I plan on re-tracing the famed

1967 Patterson-Gimlin footage

in my search for Bigfoot.

Won't you join me?

- Boom.

- Oh, nice.

- Yeah?

- That was good.

- That felt good.

- Yeah.

- I'll buy that.

- It was good.

- Nice.

- Good, babe.

- Thank you, babe.

- Yeah.

Did you see the

buckshot on this sign?

What's that?

Right here.

And a bullet hole.

Great. That makes me feel good.

You'll be fine.

You don't want to look stupid.

Honey, I'm afraid

of a lot of things,

but I'm not afraid to admit that

I don't believe in Bigfoot.

I know, but just...

How can you, how can you

prove there isn't one?

Babe, I, I said that I,

I will come on this trip to,

to help you with your film

and it's your birthday

and we're going to

have a great time,

but I'm not about to say

that I believe in Bigfoot.

You don't have to say

you believe in Bigfoot.

I'm just looking for, I don't know,

"Maybe there is one, Jim.

I'm not really sure,

but maybe you're right,

maybe there is something out there."

OK. You want to know why I, I,

I firmly believe there isn't?

Why is there, has there never been

a Bigfoot body that's

been discovered?

All this time and no one

has ever found one?

That's a little odd to me.

Who knows?

When's the last time you found

anything dead in the forest?

Do you know how many millions

of acres there are of...

Plenty of times.

...unexplored forest out...

plenty of times. OK.

You're seeing bones in the forest?

Yes.

Listen, who knows?

Maybe they bury their bodies.

I don't know.

There's forest is so

thick out here, babe.

You can't see three

feet in front of you.

I mean, there could be a

hundred Bigfoot corpses

- within half a mile in here.

- Yeah.

Nobody would ever even know it.

There could be a hundred dead

leprechauns out there, too.

Ha, ha, yeah.

But no one, no one has

found those either.

- Yeah, OK.

- Uh-huh.

Uh, we're talking two

different things here.

Aren't you curious to know

why for thousands of years,

all right,

people all over the world

have reported seeing

an ape-like creature

walking through the woods?

Not really.

Well, then, why are you here?

Because I like being with you.

What?

Oh, boy. Now, you're mad.

No, I'm not mad.

Honey, we can believe different

things and still be a couple.

It's OK.

I just don't want you

to think I'm crazy.

Oh, I know you're crazy.

I wouldn't be with you

if I didn't know that.

I just don't believe in Bigfoot.

- Hi.

- Action.

Babe?

I'm sorry.

I'm so used to saying it. OK.

Hi. I'm in Willow Creek,

Mecca to the Bigfoot Community.

Oh, yeah.

That's it?

Yeah, that's it.

All right.

Oh, check it out.

Home of the Bigfoot Burger.

And ammunition.

Can't say I've ever dined

in a place with both.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Well, you know, they

hold a gun to your face

if you don't order

the Bigfoot Burger.

Oh, God.

I love the, uh, the,

uh, artwork here.

- It looks like Bigfoot...

- Oh, yeah.

...he really likes his

doughnuts and coffee.

Is he toasting doughnuts?

Could be bagels.

Oh, and there's the other one.

- Look, it's like us.

- Yeah.

There I am bringing you flowers

and there you are making

doughnuts and coffee.

Making breakfast and there

you are prancing over,

giving me my flowers for the day.

That's awesome.

That girl seems pretty

happy to be missing.

Who is that?

I should take a picture of you,

of what you would look

like if you went missing.

So that if you ever

go missing, I can...

I can show what you would

actually look like.

OK.

We'll dirty you up.

Give me your missing, give

me your missing photo face.

- No, I don't think that's your...

- No?

No.

How about this? Um...

That's pretty good.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

But I do feel like they all smile.

Yeah.

Maybe you would be happy if missing.

Why would you be happy

to be missing, babe?

I don't know.

See that?

So, lets see the Bigfoot Burger.

Oh, check it out.

Oh my God.

Whoa. Yeah.

It even has the toe marks.

Look at that.

Do you think this is,

um, real Bigfoot meat?

- No, honey.

- No?

- This is just a Bigfoot Burger.

- Oh.

It could be real Bigfoot meat.

You know what would be really funny?

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