Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! Page #7

I can't believe he used that line.

- And I can't believe you bought it.

- lt's not a line.

OK, fellas, a show of hands.

Who here has used some form

of the "don't want to harm

the friendship" line?

- Father Newell?

- Well, prior to my enfrockment.

Rosie, what are Tad's pectorals

like to the touch?

Are they warm yet firm like...

- Cath, that's really not helping now.

- Sorry, got caught up.

Thanks. Listen, Rosie, just...

Listen to me, bottom line.

Tad Hamilton is an actor, OK?

How do you know

that he's not acting with you?

- He's not acting.

- No.

He is. He's playing a role.

The role of Hollywood bad boy

trying to find virtue.

OK, after you guys have...

After you guys have been

together a couple of times

he's out of here, OK?

You will never see him again.

Hey, Rosie, guess what?

I bought a house.

I bought a house.

Can you believe it? Can you believe it?

lt's actually a farm with a house

and a silo for my wheat.

- Really? You bought a house.

- I bought a house.

We're putting down roots, baby.

- What do you think of that?

- lt's good.

Come see it. Maybe after work?

- I'd love to.

- Yeah, I'd love to.

Great.

He's going to stay in the motel

while he fixes up the farm.

- He's a farmer all of a sudden?

- I think he'll be a good farmer.

He's from Malibu, California.

The only thing they grow there

are breasts.

Could you smile a little bit?

- This means nothing.

- You are unbelievable.

What? Rosie, people like this

buy houses all the time.

- lt's called a tax shelter.

- Peter.

I can guarantee you

that by the end of today

Tad's farm and his house

and his fricking wheat

will be right back on the market.

Why? What are you going to do?

Nothing. You know,

just be a good neighbor.

Howdy.

- Tad, this place is unbelievable.

- Thanks, little lady.

This barn sits on what they call

"the south ."

Yeah. I´m not sure exactly

how many acres that is, but

I'm going to guess that's a lot.

I'm going to guess .

Oh, yeah. Could be.

Tad, being a new farm owner and all,

I know you'll probably get some people

to run this place for you, but...

hell, I'd be happy to show you

a couple of everyday farm chores.

Really? Pete, that would be great.

Thank you.

Tad, that's not a problem.

What you're going to do here

is grab on to one of the...

essentially one of the nipples,

and just pull it firmly but gently

towards the pail.

You're going to freak out a...

Mmm, look at all that creamy milk.

That a girl, Arleen. That a girl.

- You are making old Tad thirsty.

- Where'd you learn to do that?

Pete, you remember my remake

of The Grapes of Wrath?

OK, so, the trick is

to take a full swing

so as to split the log in one swift...

stroke.

OK.

Yeah. Let's do this.

So, you work out?

- No.

- Yeah, me neither.

I know, it's like... Me neither.

OK. lt's just basically

one swift stroke.

OK. And sometimes, basically,

you get a bad piece of wood. Basically.

And sometimes you don't.

That's good. Beginner's luck.

First time's the charm.

And the luck continues.

That's great for you, man.

Did you ever see a movie I did called

A Man Named Jackson?

If it came out, Tad,

then I saw it.

I think the ax is actually broken.

You got it. Good.

Get someone else to cry,

because I don't cry.

I don't do that.

Which is why I try to stay away

from melodramas.

Oh, my God. I finally did it.

People, are you watching this? Rosie.

- Pete.

- Hey, Tad.

- Hey.

- Can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah, sure.

- Forgive the intrusion, but...

- No, no. Please, fire away.

OK. Here it is.

You win, OK?

Fair and square.

- You win.

- Thank you.

You did have an advantage

or two going in, but...

Excuse me, we're in the middle

of something here.

Yeah, no problem.

I want Rosie to be happy.

So, I got to ask you

a couple of questions.

Do you know how long she keeps her hair

in straight or in curly mode?

What?

Or why her favorite necklace

has a starfish clasp?

No.

Do you even know

that she has six different smiles?

- She has six smiles?

- Yeah.

One when something

flat out makes her laugh.

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