Wind Chill

Oh. Jerk.

Hey.

Do you think you could have parked

any further from the entrance?

Yeah, well, there were still some cars

when I got here. So...

Right.

I thought we were going to get an early start

and stay out of the snow.

What time is it?

It's a quarter after 3:00.

I'm sorry,

you should have just left without me.

That's what I would have done.

I'm kind of getting kicked

out of my apartment, so...

- Okay, well, there's no room.

- Oh, no, no, no.

Why don't you just get the engine started

and put the heat on, okay?

And I can handle this.

- You sure you can...

- Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

Whoa, hang on, hang on.

It sticks sometimes.

- What's wrong with this thing?

- That's as far up as it goes.

Oh, it's fine. I was two hours late.

Good start.

Well, tell me about it,

I'm supposed to be sitting on a beach in Cabo.

He said we should see other people,

which is original.

I'm not. I mean, I'm just not.

I couldn't care less.

No, no, it's been about an hour.

Are you kidding? I'm bored to tears.

We're still on the highway

for another five hours.

How should I know?

All the highways look exactly alike.

Hey. What?

Oh, somebody is upset.

Who do you think? My ride.

Careful.

Would you get a look at that face, moody?

What?

If I have to drive, you have to talk to me.

What, I'm the in-flight entertainment?

That's how this ride sharing thing works,

okay?

- Really?

- Division of labor.

- We split everything 50-50.

- Oh, well, I got news for you.

I don't get much more entertaining

than when I'm on the phone.

- So, you're from Wilmington, right?

- Yeah.

Where did you go to school?

St. Vitus Academy.

St. Vitus? I never heard of that.

You're acquainted with every school

in the area?

Pretty much, yeah.

Yeah, well, even the Catholic ones?

'Cause that's where I went to school.

St. Vitus Academy for Catholic boys.

We had a class together, you know.

Intro to modern philosophy.

What? There was like a million people

in that class. It was like Woodstock.

You ever see so many Eastern-religion types?

What's your major?

Eastern Religions.

So, you aren't majoring in philosophy?

No, why?

I don't know, I just assumed that you were...

Oh, yeah, well, try engineering.

I only took philosophy

because I needed a humanities credit

and I heard it was an easy A.

What did you put

for that last question on the final?

Nietzsche's theory of eternal recurrence?

Yeah, like reincarnation, right?

- No, they're actually not the same thing.

- Damn.

Reincarnation is when you come back

as something different

and eternal recurrence is when you live

the same life over and over again.

'The eternal hourglass of existence

is turned over and over, and you with it,

'a grain of dust.'

High school and philosophy,

that pretty much covers everything,

don't you think?

I guess that concludes

the entertainment portion of today's flight.

The next gas station you see,

do me a favor and pull over. I got to pee.

Yeah, okay, I'll keep my eyes peeled.

What?

No, it's that phrase,

keeping your eyes peeled.

I just find it creepy, you know.

Yeah, it is sort of.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Speaking of peeling eyeballs,

did you know that's how they do

that corrective eye surgery?

Yeah, they use a laser.

Yeah, they do,

but there's also peeling involved.

I saw it on Discovery Health.

You know, if more people knew

about the whole peeling part,

they might think twice

before going under the knife.

It's a laser, they use a laser.

I'm having corrective eye surgery

over the break.

- Why? Why do you...

- Because I hate wearing my glasses, okay?

But they look so good on you.

How would you know?

I never wear them outside my dorm.

Hey, here's your gas station.

- What?

- I thought you had to pee.

Yeah, but I didn't expect us

to find a bathroom so soon.

- My nails aren't dry.

- Oh.

- Well...

- It's fine, they'll be dry any second.

- If you want, I can carry you.

- I'll just...

- You're not carrying me.

- No, no, no, trust me.

- I'm good at this, okay? I'm good at this.

- Give me a break.

- What the hell are you...

- Here you go, just...

For Christ's sake!

You're going to be thanking me, okay?

Just wrap your arms around me.

- Wait!

- Lift up...

- Oh, my God.

- There we go. Okay, now shut the door.

- This is sick.

- No, no, this is good, right?

This is good.

There you go.

Grab the door. You see that? It's in there.

Thanks. That's sweet.

Put me down. You can put me down now.

Sir, is there a bathroom?

- Is there a bathroom?

- Yeah, it's right through there.

Oh, great.

Come on.

Piece of sh*t, come on.

Hey!

Hey, I'm locked in here!

Hey!

Hey, can...

Can anybody hear me? I'm locked in!

Hey, I'm locked in!

How could you not hear me?

Christ! Come on.

Hey. Hey, didn't you just hear me

banging in there?

When?

Oh, is that funny to you, me locked in?

You think that's funny?

What are you talking about?

Locked in where?

You're telling me, you didn't just hear me

banging on the door? I could hear you.

Listen, I don't know what you're talking about.

Forget it. It doesn't even matter.

Let's just get on the road.

Remember, the highway's your best bet.

Don't worry about it, man.

I got it all covered.

- Are we lost or something?

- No, I've done this drive a million times.

- What's that for?

- It's my half of the gas.

- No, it's fine. It's fine. No.

- Come on...

What do you mean?

'This is how ride sharing works.

'Division of labor.

We split everything 50-50.'

- Come on, take the money.

- I don't take money from friends.

What the hell is this?

- It's a scenic detour.

- Get back on the highway.

- Look, would you just...

- No, I mean it, get back on the highway.

- Calm down.

- You don't know where you're going.

All right, will you chill? It looks interesting.

No, I won't chill, get back on the highway.

This is not going to happen.

Look, relax, okay? It's a shortcut.

We'll be back on the highway in no time.

Yeah, well, there's no radio station...

You're not going to get a signal,

we're in a valley.

FM radio waves travel in a straight line,

they can't penetrate the big hills. Try AM.

Where were you

when I was flunking freshman physics?

So, does your family do

the whole traditional family Christmas?

Yeah.

You?

No, my grandparents are Dutch,

so I was raised on salted licorice

and Sinterklaas.

How is that different from regular Santa Claus?

Well, instead of the North Pole,

he lives in Spain.

And instead of elves,

he's got this enforcer named Black Pete.

So, he's basically like your Santa Claus,

only scarier.

That's charming.

So, come on, what's your Christmas like?

Christmas is like me racing

back and forth between Mom and Dad,

who split in my freshman year. So...

Two turkey dinners, two trees,

two sets of presents

to return for store credit.

I can normally deal,

but this year Mom decided to rent

a condo at the beach, which is like...

Which is like what, two hours away?

I don't know, the beach can be

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