Winning London Page #2

- Lf we lose, we go down in style.

- Is room service all you guys care about?

- No.

We also like those mints

that they leave for us on our pillows.

Those things are so good.

Come on, Chloe, lighten up.

Riley got us a pretty good deal.

I knew your attitude

was gonna sink this team.

Youre the only one with attitude.

We're not actually saving the world, Chloe.

- It's supposed to be fun.

- Cat fight.

Dylan, stop. Girls, cut it out.

I was hoping that I'd get

some good cat fight footage in there!

Guys, come here. Bring it in.

I've got good news.

Youre gonna love this. Check this out.

I got you the United Kingdom. England.

Guys, it was either that,

or the Republic of Chad.

- Population?

- Fifty-nine million.

Form of government?

Constitutional Monarchy. Political Parties?

- Conservative.

- Labor.

Liberal Democrat.

Is there any other kind?

Legislative branch?

House of Commons, elected.

House of Lords...

...born lucky or a really good actor.

Chief of State?

Queen Elizabeth. Official title?

Her Royal Highness.

Short for:
Elizabeth II,

by grace of God of the United Kingdom...

...Great Britain, Northern Ireland

and her other realms.

Queen, Head of Commonwealth,

Defender of the Faith.

Whatever. Prime Minister?

Appointed, not directly elected.

Henry Vlll?

1509 to 1547. Magna Carta?

1215. Norman Invasion?

1066. House of Stewart.

James I, Charles I, Charles II, James II.

Number of kings named George?

Six. Number of Internet service providers?

Dude, how would I know?

364. Legal systems?

Sorry.

I have to get out of this room.

Model student goes psycho

at U.N. Competition. Story at 11:00.

Sorry, Riles, but this is crunch time.

Other teams have had weeks to prepare.

Chloe, I got to agree with Riles.

My brain cannot absorb anymore.

I know, my whole brain is kind of full.

I highly doubt that.

Guys, all I'm saying is, we're England,

we're studying England.

We're in England.

So.

So all we need to know is right out there.

Calling our name.

Let's go, let's go. That's our bus.

- I have the same earrings.

- Except smaller.

And faker.

This is the very spot where Henry Vlll

had two of his wives beheaded.

Right. The fat dude who invented divorce.

Excuse me.

Did one of you guys see my head?

- Dylan.

- Have you seen my head?

- Youre such a dork.

- No, I've got it.

- No. Really, you are.

- I found it.

Cool. The dungeon.

Nice rack.

Star football player a little too desperate

to be a few inches taller.

He's 5'6'', he's 5'7'', my goodness, he's 5'8''.

- The pain!

- Man, check this out.

You ready?

It's kind of cozy in here.

See this?

This is where they busted his eyes

out of his face!

And this here...

...that's where the blood dripped down.

- I heard about this one guy.

First, they hung him...

...then they beheaded him,

then put his head...

...in the tower bridge where it was eaten...

...by maggots.

- Gross.

- Later, Brian.

- Later, dude.

What do you mean, ''Later, dude''?

Where are you going, guys?

I'll give you... I've got chocolate.

Guys? Anyone here?

Hello? You know,

it's not cool to look at other girls...

...when someone is talking to you.

We weren't talking. We were drinking.

- She's not your type, anyway.

- She's not?

No. She's not sensitive or funny or pretty.

Maybe with the right lighting

and some heavy foundation...

...but I bet she doesn't like sports.

My gosh, I so could not get into a girl

who doesn't like sports.

Remember that time when our dads

took us to the Dodger game?

- I was 10 and you were 12.

- And you ate three hot dogs...

...and blew chunks all over that guy

in front of us. Remember?

- No, it was probably Chloe.

- No, it was you. I'm sure of it.

I totally remember.

And that's how I'll always think of you...

...tossing your cookies

on that French guy. Classic!

Great. I think we've all had enough history

for today.

Riles. Come on, it was funny.

It was funny.

You had him alone sharing a straw.

You should've made a move.

He remembers me

as the girl who barfed at the Dodger game.

- Look, Riley. Are you here to play?

- No.

I'm here to win.

Good. Then quit acting like his little sister

and go for it.

Westminster Abbey.

This famous church is the burial place

for most of England's monarchs...

Every king and queen has been crowned

here since the year 1066.

Look at all the famous people buried here.

How do you score some plottage

in a place like this anyway?

You achieve greatness and die.

So you can pretty much forget about it.

Well, aren't we Miss Westminster Crabby.

- Right. Where to, loves?

- Buckingham Palace, please.

- And step on it.

- Right.

Anywhere there's a restroom.

Here, just don't jimmy-riddle

in the back of me jam jar.

I wish I could speak Cockney.

That's Clarence House over there.

That's where the dear old

Queen Mum lives. God bless her.

Poor old royal family.

They've had their troubles in the past.

I love the old Queen Mum

just as much as I love me old Mum.

I'll tell you something else.

I love me Mum

as much as if she was the Queen herself.

All right, next stop Buckingham Palace.

These four, young, intelligent individuals

are going to attempt the impossible...

They say it can never be done.

They say it never will be done

but we are here to prove them wrong.

We're here to make

the Queen's Guard laugh.

Riley, take it away.

What do you call a piece of wood

with nothing to do? Bored.

I thought he could relate.

What do you get

hanging from mango trees?

Sore arms.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, ''Why the long face? ''

How do you get a tissue to dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

What kind of animal

do you never play cards with?

A cheetah.

- I took my wife to the Caribbean.

- Jamaica.

No. She wanted to go.

- What's the capital of Alaska?

- Juneau?

No, I'm asking you.

Why did the coach go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

If you throw a cat out the car window,

what do you get?

Kitty litter.

What do Winnie the Pooh

and Jack the Ripper have in common?

- What?

- Same middle name.

Not bad, young lady.

What did you say?

I told him to keep his mince pies

on the frog and toad.

Right. Thanks for clarifying.

... against the Maastricht Treaty...

... seeks to transfer powers

of our Parliament.

Only the people can decide that issue.

Look at that.

No one is given a mandate

by the British people.

To sell their heritage.

If noble lords can explain clearly,

the people can understand clearly.

So let's improve the explanation.

How do you expect to come out

on top with such half-baked ideas?

I mean your resolution hasn't

got a chance of passing.

I'll ask Peterson to look over it.

He'll come up with suggestions.

My faculty advisor thought it was good.

Our faculty advisor

never sat in Parliament, did he?

James, you've got a marvelous opportunity

here to make a mark.

If you're serious about the debate team

at Oxford...

...then winning this conference

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