Wish I Was Here Page #8

I'll have one of those.

Okay.

That's the last thing

I wanna taste, Aidan.

Okay, you got a deal.

I'll bring it to you.

Wouldn't it be great if your

brother could be there, too?

That would be great, Dad.

That would be really, really great.

You promise me.

Promise me you'll try

to make that happen.

Yeah. I...

I need to see him.

I wanna make amends.

I promise.

I promise you.

Okay.

Get some sleep.

Why don't you take a nap?

Let me lead the way, Captain.

Let me lead the way, Captain.

Let me... These Ractonians.

It's Ractonian.

Let me lead the way, Captain.

These Ractonians could

be hiding anywhere.

I'm sorry to bother you,

have you seen this show?

No one's seen this show.

It's an insult to sci-fi.

Captain Kirk's probably

turning over in his grave.

Well, technically Captain

Kirk isn't even born

until 2233, but that's irrelevant.

Sorry, I'm a bit of an aficionado

and this dog sh*t is the reason

the genre gets no respect.

Let me lead the way, Captain.

Can I give you one thought, though?

Sure.

- I don't mean to be presumptuous at all.

- No. Yeah.

But I just was listening to

you and I just thought...

You're the first one off the ship.

You don't even have a name.

Okay, now we don't

have the whole script,

but the guy has two

lines in the first act

and he's gonna be the

first one off the ship.

He's gonna die.

Of course he's gonna die!

He's seconds away from getting

his whole head blown off

by a bunch of Ractonians, okay?

So, just factor that in.

- Amp up the fear a little bit.

- Right.

This is probably the single

scariest moment of

- Random Crew Member Number One's life.

- Absolutely.

So, there's nothing

cavalier about it.

- No. Right. Right.

- He's focused and terrified.

- Thank you.

- Sure, just...

Why are you helping me?

I have no idea.

It makes no sense, but,

you know, whatever.

Careful, it could be kindness.

Oh, God, I hope not. I'll get

eaten alive in this town.

His outfit's amazing.

That's his first costume?

Yeah.

Replacing your own pool filter

is challenging, but a lot of fun.

One thing's for certain.

You're gonna need some skilled helpers.

That's really good, buddy.

Yeah, get all that gross stuff off.

You're doing awesome.

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, put him on.

Dad? Are you okay?

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I'm coming. I'm coming right now.

Was that Grandpa?

He wants me to bring

him a toasted almond.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

I'm so glad we're neighbors.

Yeah?

I thought you might want to know

that your father might pass

away at any moment now.

I think you should come home.

What's wrong?

I've been talking to him a lot,

Noah, and he wants to apologize.

He wants to make amends,

he wants to make things right.

We've been over this, Aidan.

Look, I've been thinking and...

Maybe you don't realize this

until you have kids of your own,

but being a father is really hard.

Look, uh, Aidan, I gotta go.

Please, Noah.

Let me talk to him.

- Not now, sweetie.

- No.

Uncle Noah?

Hi, it's Grace.

Did Janine like the costume?

Did she give you some poontang?

Uh, yeah, she sure did.

Uncle Noah, I've never asked

you for anything, have I?

No.

I didn't get mad when you

forgot my birthday or Hanukkah

or that time you got drunk

and peed in my closet.

Uh, well, Grace,

I got locked in there.

Somebody locked me in there.

I want you to come see Grandpa.

Are you okay?

Grace, um, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah.

I'm scared.

Losing my mom was the hardest

thing I've ever been through.

I don't know if I can take it again.

I know that you're sad.

But we're sad, too.

And we should all be together.

Listen.

I know that you don't believe in God.

But maybe you can believe in family.

Uncle Noah?

He hung up.

What?

Maybe we got disconnected.

But it kind of felt like he hung up.

Here it is.

Dad, I think I see the guy who

sits next to Mommy at work.

No. Did you ever hear

of the drink Kefir?

Sounds gross.

It isn't. Well,

I'm gonna get a Kefir.

Okay, hold this.

I'm gonna go talk to him.

Dad, not now. Grandpa!

It's only gonna take a second.

Are you into any of these products?

I don't drink dairy.

You don't drink dairy?

How do you get all your protein?

Vegetables.

Don't take veggies. You never

had cream in your coffee?

Depends on the cream.

Don't you like your cake

with frosting on it?

I do.

Wouldn't you like

a milky, like, sweet,

like, strawberry kind of,

you know, yogurt?

Excuse me, are you Jerry?

The guy with the talking dick?

Yeah. I told you.

Who the hell are you?

My name is Aidan Bloom.

I'm Sarah's husband.

Oh!

Oh, hey.

How you doing? Nice to meet you.

I have been racking my brain trying

to figure out how to

handle this situation.

Situation?

If you ever so much as

exhale near my wife again,

I promise to sue you

for sexual harassment.

Stay away from my wife,

you wretched piece of sh*t.

Dad?

That did not go as planned.

Are you okay?

I think you lost, Dad.

Here, put this on your eye.

We gotta go. Come on.

Hey.

Honey, oh, my God!

What happened to your eye?

I ran into Jerry at the supermarket.

Oh, my God.

Hey, Dad, I'm here.

Look, I'm here. Toasted almond.

What happened to your eye?

Oh. Don't worry about it, Dad.

Don't worry about that at all.

The point is I'm here, okay?

I'm here and Sarah's here

and the kids are here.

And the rabbis are here

and we all love you.

I'm sorry, I don't think

Noah's gonna make it, Dad.

I did everything I could.

Hmm.

Thank you, Aidan.

For what, Dad?

For doing your best to hold this

family together when I couldn't.

How did you get that shiner?

I ran into someone who's been

harassing Sarah at work.

So, yes.

You went after him, huh?

I tried.

That takes guts.

Good for you.

You showed up.

How are you feeling?

I'm not afraid.

Isn't that funny?

I thought I'd be afraid.

I think that's the bravest

thing I've ever heard.

- Really?

- Yeah, I really do.

You promise?

I promise you.

Do you see that

or is God very different

than I imagined?

Noah! That's Noah, Dad. You made it?

Dad, it's Noah. He made it.

Noah, you're a warrior.

No, I just won a contest.

But you won.

Yeah.

Yeah, Dad, I won.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so tired.

Hold my hands.

Right here. Right here, Dad.

We love you.

If there's a next time,

I'll do better.

So fast.

Try to remember how fast it goes.

When we were kids, Noah and I used

to pretend that we were heroes

with swords, the only ones

who could save the day.

But perhaps we set

the bar a little bit high.

Maybe we're just the regular people.

The ones who get saved.

Hey!

Oh, my God!

Dude! This is because of you.

I got that part.

- Oh, my God!

- Yeah.

They f***ed you up.

Yeah, no, you were totally right.

Soon as I get off the ship,

there's f***ing Ractonians everywhere.

I got crushed.

By the way, what's your name?

- I'm Aidan.

- Hey, I'm Paul.

- Nice to meet you.

- No, thank you again for that note.

I was just talking about you in a

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