Wolf

What time did you get back

from Vermont?

You don't wanna know.

Was it worth it?

Did he sign the contract?

- Yes.

- You're a genius. How did you do it?

I did it the old-fashioned way.

- What do you mean?

- I begged.

The boss can-

- Morning, Roy. Morning, Mary.

- Good morning.

Mary, what time

is my doctor's appointment?

I had no idea you had one.

- Coffee, Roy?

- Yeah. Are you sick?

A wolf bit me.

I just asked.

What time

is Mr. Randall's appointment?

Thanks.

You going to Alden's party tonight?

Probably.

It's a little Roman to invite everybody

over to your house...

...to let them know

whether they still have a job.

Right.

You have no doctor's appointment...

...but the doctor says he'll see you

if you come in before 12.

What I came in to say is...

...if you get the axe tonight,

I go with you.

And so do I.

Now, listen.

You need your paychecks.

I forbid you.

I forbid you to take any action

if I'm fired.

Right. Maude Waggins

is waiting in your office.

I cannot write for a conglomerate.

You'll have to protect me, Will.

First of all,

Raymond Alden isn't a conglomerate.

He's an ordinary billionaire.

And secondly...

...I'm not sure if I'm going to be here

after the takeover.

What?

What are you talking about?

You're the senior editor.

Your name, your reputation...

My reputation has been in question

ever since I told Judith Krantz...

...that no semiliterate 14-year-old

would read her fiction.

Oh, bullshit.

Sit down, Maude.

The good news is...

...the head of marketing

is my friend and protg...

...and if I leave,

he says he'll leave with me.

And since I know

they don't wanna lose him...

...it may give me some leverage.

I'll leave with you too.

How's that for leverage?

Come on.

Let's go and see your protg.

So go do what you do.

Willie, just the man I wanted to see.

- Maude Waggins.

- Do I know you?

Not yet, but you saved my life...

...because upon reading What About

Us Grills? my freshman year at Yale-

You realized you had to write.

I realized I had to stop writing...

...because I realized

that if this was talent, I had none.

But how nice that

that should stop you, and how rare.

I adore you.

I taught him to do that.

Yes, until I met Will, I used to punch

my authors on the side of the head.

Please come in.

Maude wants to go with us

if we leave.

You wouldn't know

off the top of your head...

...what her contract calls for,

would you?

She's obligated to one more book...

...and then we get a first look

at her next two.

One more book. Good.

How about an 80-page reminiscence

of all the restaurants I've loved?

Well, whatever you say. There are

no specifications in the contract.

Perfect.

I'll start eating out right now.

You are a rarity, Mr. Swinton:

a loyal man

with a great taste in authors.

Bye, Will.

- I'll see you at Jason's.

- Thank you, darling.

You are such a polished ass-kisser,

it takes my breath away.

Hey, I kiss them like I see them.

A wolf in Vermont?

I don't think so, Will.

You weren't there, Ralph.

You sure it wasn't a husky

or a German shepherd?

I mean, after all, it was night,

wasn't it? It was dark out.

Full moon.

And to answer your question,

it was a wolf.

I was staring straight at it.

You don't confuse a dog with a wolf.

I see. Whatever you say.

It's funny.

This isn't the first rabies shot...

...I've given in the last few months.

My wife's sister-in-law

up in Oneonta.

A raccoon chased her up on her porch

and bit her in the ass.

Last summer, the son of a friend...

...sustained brain damage

from a snake bite.

His kid was in front of his pool.

And the next thing you know,

he has brain damage.

- Is he all right?

- Who?

Your friend's son.

No, you idiot, he has brain damage.

I don't think of Time Warner...

...as another giant

multinational media conglomerate...

...but as a bunch

of decent caring people...

...because I just don't believe money

always implies ruthless ambition.

- Am I insane?

- I would say so, yes.

Oh, he's such a charming man.

So supposedly...

...because the rain forest

is being destroyed so rapidly...

...all these new viruses are going

to colonize throughout the world...

...and destroy vast segments

of the population.

I'm only quoting The New Yorker,

you understand.

Every upscale magazine

tries to make the case...

...that the world will end

if we have no rain forests.

Well, you could make a case

that the world has already ended.

That art is dead

and we are exhausted.

That instead of art,

we have pop culture, daytime TV...

...gay senior citizens...

...women who've been raped

by their dentists, confiding in Oprah.

An exploration, in depth, of why

women cut off their husband's penis.

Well.

- Well, time to fill up the glass.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes, let's have a drink.

For God's sakes, relax. Eat something.

At least get a meal out of this.

I didn't like the food.

All that red rare meat dripping blood.

Gee, you're fun to eat with.

Mr. Alden would like to see you

on the terrace, sir...

...whenever you're ready.

Never send to know

for whom the bell tolls.

- Hello. We'll be right out.

- It toll-

We're gonna see the horses.

Will...

...just remember who you are.

Just charm the bastard.

You can be charming

when you wanna, right?

Why is he doing it this way?

He probably thinks

it's kinder face to face.

Oh, that's the funniest story

I've ever heard.

Cigar?

Don't mind if I do.

Thank you.

I want you...

...to think about Europe, Will.

Eastern Europe, particularly.

There's a whole new market

opening up there.

I think, God and currency willing...

...that the entire continent

will eventually cohere...

...both economically and culturally.

I want that to be your area.

I see.

Then my area will no longer be

editor in chief of MacLeish House...

...after the takeover?

Look, there's nothing personal.

Come on, you know that.

You're clearly a man of taste

and individuality...

...which I prize...

...but these days...

...not only in corporate America,

but all around the globe...

...taste and individuality

are actually something of a handicap.

Well, just out of curiosity...

...on what basis

did you pick my successor?

Vulgarity and conformity?

No. Drive. On the basis of hustle,

drive, and 52-carat ambition.

He nagged me day and night

till I gave him your job.

Well, for what it's worth,

here's what I've learned in 30 years:

Treat the authors as human beings.

Don't stint on review copies.

Whoa, boy.

Don't hold them to deadlines.

They'll only turn in rough drafts.

Thank you.

Thank you, I'll remember that.

You're a nice person, Will.

Thank God I replaced you.

And I hope

you give Eastern Europe a shot.

You'd better put that out.

Horses don't like it.

Why, I think I'll finish it.

- Go ahead. Good cigar, isn't it?

- Okay.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- Raymond, they are beautiful.

- Spectacular. They're just spectacular.

Well, now, see now, I think so.

And you're right. This is the prize.

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