Woman of the Year

Miss Harding and Mr. Kieran

both have their hands up.

- Full title.

- "Nights in the Garden..."

- Hello, Sam.

- Hi, kid.

Hi, Sammy. You missed most

of the Information Please!

I guess I have lived around a lot.

With my father, that is.

Tess Harding. Treat for the intellect.

Rest your intellect and give me

a Scotch and water.

The Chronicle ought to form

a cheering section for her.

Because we write on the same paper?

Did you ever meet her, Sam?

I understand she don't talk if you

haven't signed a nonaggression pact.

Prescott lists four seaports...

... which have had great

strategic importance in this war:

Dakar, Narvik, Derna and Singapore.

Were any of these ever under

the American flag?

Derna, in 1803.

- The war with Barbary pirates.

- Right. Most of us...

Can you figure a dame that knew

what was going on in Libya in 1803?

Fadiman says she's number-two dame,

next to Mrs. Roosevelt.

So they're giving them numbers now,

like public enemies.

Well, Mrs. Prescott does not receive

$ 25 and a set of the Britannica.

The next question comes from

Mr. C.A. Copeland of Glenport, Florida.

What is the most frequently run

distance in American sports?

- Hundred yards.

- No, no. It's a mile, counting horses.

I'll try our guest expert first.

Miss Harding.

Ninety feet, sister.

I really don 't know anything

about American sports.

Mr. Kieran?

- Ninety feet.

- Care to explain?

The distance between

home plate and first base.

Yes, or between any of the bases

in the game of baseball.

Thousands of men and boys

run it every day.

Really? Seems like

a frightful waste of energy.

There's an awful lot of energy

wasted in the world these days.

That's telling her, John.

- Isn 't anything more wasteful

than war.

However, all the more reason

people ought to give it their full attention.

What would you suggest,

Miss Harding?

Abolish baseball for the duration

of the emergency?

I think that's a very good idea.

- Have I said something wrong?

- Just a minute...

- Things they let them get away with.

- Maybe she was kidding.

She knew what she was saying.

Know what that does?

Take it easy, Sam.

Don't blow your top.

We're concerned with a threat to

what we call our American way of life.

Baseball and what it represents

is part of that way of life.

What's the sense of abolishing

what you're trying to protect?

That's a beautiful thought, Sammy.

- You ought to write a poem about it.

- I'll do better than that.

"...and she might remember what the

Duke of Wellington said about sports.

The duke was the baby

who whipped Napoleon at Waterloo...

...and made an ex-champ out of him.

After it was all over, the duke let out

that the battle was really won...

...on the playing fields of Eton."

What?

Well, that's about all, Miss Harding,

except at the end he calls you:

"The Calamity Jane

of the fast international set."

Yes, Miss Harding.

I've got my pad right here.

Ready. Yes.

"Mr. Craig cites Wellington's

observation concerning Waterloo.

I assume his purpose is to demonstrate

that at one time or another...

...he was subjected to

a grammar-school course in history.

Naturally, Mr. Craig doesn't realize

times have changed since Waterloo."

- What are you gonna do?

- What do you think?

Swing with both hands.

We men have only ourselves to blame.

Women should be kept illiterate

and clean, like canaries.

Hello? Yes.

Oh, yes, Mr. Clayton.

Yes, sir. Yes, I'll be right up.

- She's waiting for you.

- Thanks.

Come in, Sam. Come in.

- Haven't you met Miss Harding?

- Yes, in a belligerent sort of way.

- He hit me first. Hello.

- Hello.

Now, fellows, I realize as much

as anybody that controversy...

...is a very stimulating thing. Very.

I encourage it when someone

on the paper gets into a good fight...

...over an important issue. Always.

But not intramural fights. Never.

It's my job to think in terms

of the paper as a whole.

I'm dead sure that it just doesn't

do any one of us any good...

...for one department to rap another.

To come directly to the point, I'd like

to see you drop this business right away.

How about it, Sam?

You ready to kiss and make up?

I'll kiss. I don't know about making up.

- How about you, Tess? Wiling to quit?

- Sure.

- Okay?

- Fine, thank you.

I'm always delighted to quit

when I'm losing.

Glad to be able to reconcile

you two. Very glad.

Cooperation is the essence

of efficient organization.

The essence.

Sorry.

Isn't the sports department

downstairs?

Why, yes, yes. I guess it is, but I...

Then aren't you going

in the wrong direction?

Well, maybe I am. I...

Are you always much too busy?

What for?

- I was wondering about this afternoon.

- Sorry.

Tomorrow afternoon, maybe?

What's on your mind?

I'd like to take you to a baseball game.

Okay.

Are all these people unemployed?

No, they're all attending

their grandmother's funeral.

- He's got Tess Harding with him.

- Where's your manners?

No women in the press box.

A rule as old as baseball.

- No women.

- So what?

She's a newspaperman,

and she's pretty. Hi, Sam.

I haven't seen it happen in 20 years.

Worst scandal since the Black Sox.

- Phil, I want you to meet Miss...

- Harding, I know. How do you do?

Chronicle.

You mean our paper sends

two men to cover one game?

No. I cover the game,

he kicks it around in his column.

- We've only got one man at Vichy.

- Vichy? Are they still in the league?

Who's pitching?

The hat.

Thank you.

Hey, buddy, tell her it ain't raining.

Fella wanted me to tell you

that it ain't raining.

- Who's playing today?

- The Athletics and the Yanks.

The Athletics will bat first, you see,

and after they've made three outs...

...then the Yanks come to bat.

I see. Then they have to make

the same number of outs.

That's right. That's right.

And each team has nine innings.

But wouldn't it always come out even

if they made the same number of outs?

No, no, no. You see...

You see, an out... An out is...

Well, it's just an out.

- Come on! Play ball!

- Play ball!

Okay.

Now, there's the first batter.

Now, he's gonna try to hit the ball

as far as he can...

...and get around as many bases

as he can.

If he could get around all the bases

and back to home plate...

...that would mean a run for his team.

The pitcher's gonna try

to make him miss it.

- Which one is the pitcher?

- The one pitch...

The fellow in the middle.

One out.

No. No, one strike. That's a strike.

Two more of those before he's out.

- Why?

- Well, because it's... Are you kidding?

How could that be a strike?

He didn't even swing at it.

Well, he doesn't have to swing at it.

You see, it's a strike as long

as he puts it over the plate...

...between the batter's

shoulders and his knees.

I see. If the batter were really smart,

he'd stoop down and fool the pitcher.

I'll bet you this next one's

a double upcurve in the side pocket.

Yeah. Maybe he'll hit

into a quadruple play.

Do you think he will?

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