Women Who Kill

1

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like you're doing

something really terrible.

So Morgan, who is your pick?

Hottest female

serial killer ever.

That's a tough call.

- Mhm.

Kristen Gilbert

had that whole boring thing

going on that's kind of hot.

But Myra Hindley

had great style.

She did.

She really did.

My vote is for Josephine

"the clipper" Walker,

great bone structure,

into personal hygiene,

highly intelligent.

Sounds like me.

Highly intelligent.

Cool.

So I'm going to go out

on a limb, as they say,

and put my money on

countess Bathory,

even though it's really hard

to tell what she looks like.

Well, you've always

been into mystery.

And yet I dated you.

And it looks like our listeners

agree with me, once again.

The crown goes to "the

clipper" with "bad professor"

Lila Childs sliding

into a sultry second

and fashion week's Myra

Hindley taking the bronze.

Join us next week

as we put our $0.02

into the health care

debate with our episode

that takes on the nurse curse.

We'll talk about why

so many lady killers

had double lives as caretakers.

I'm Morgan.

I'm Jean.

And we are...

"women who kill."

In 300 feet,

take a left on rolling

correctional facility road.

Why didn't you

tell me I had Kale in my teeth?

I thought it was that tooth.

What tooth?

You know the one

that gets sort of gray.

- Oh my god.

- What?

Why do you care what

you look like anyway?

It's a prison.

Don't make me

feel bad about trying

- to look presentable.

- I'm not.

I just don't think Lila's going

to care what you look like.

Great.

Rub it in.

We both know she's going

to respond more to you.

What's that supposed to mean?

You've seen the victims' photos.

I mean, they all look like...

- Lesbians.

- Wait.

Are you saying I look like a...

No, just never mind.

Can I help you?

Morgan hall for Lila Childs.

Are you together?

We're exes.

She means are we here together.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry to tell you

about the Kale your teeth.

I didn't want to embarrass you.

No you didn't want

to embarrass you.

They're your teeth.

Your comfort trumps my

discomfort, as always.

Nobody even saw the

Kale in your teeth,

so you couldn't

have any discomfort.

I need to touch your bra, ma'am.

Did you already touch hers?

Mm.

I'm just saying

you should explore

your vulnerability

issues because usually

they're at my expense.

Maybe my vulnerability

issues stem out of the fact

that you're not comfortable

with me being vulnerable.

Well, you trick people

with your boyishness.

I can't help that I can

lift semi-heavy things.

- Oh, sh*t.

How do I look?

- You look beautiful.

How do I look?

You have something

in your teeth.

Pat her down on the way back.

Morgan.

No contact, please.

Can't tell a dyke from a

debutante these days, can you?

She's bisexual.

What?

You are.

But I don't say it out loud.

Do you mind if we record?

You can do anything you want.

You remind me of someone.

So we should get started.

For each episode, we

interview a female murderer

to get her side of things.

Who else have you interviewed?

We got a chance to speak

with Josephine Walker right

before she died.

Oh, she's the one

who clipped the ladies'

nails right before she...

Stabbed them in the heart.

She was good.

A little heavy on the

methodology, but I

respect her conviction.

We also had a...

A great chat, actually,

with Debbie Cain.

Oh, there's an overrated c*nt.

She had a higher

victim count than you do.

Sweetheart, if I was

going for quantity over quality,

I would have taught

at community college.

Debbie is one of the most

notorious female serial killers

who ever lived.

I went to community college.

Debbie is an entitled

slut who stole a bunch of babies

and tossed them in the

trunk of her Volvo.

All you have to do nowadays

to go down in history

is rely on the mediocrity

of shock value.

You killed 12 of your students

and used their bodies as

fertilizer on the azaleas

in your greenhouse.

You don't call that shock value?

Oh, honey, no.

I call that love.

Please don't make

me go to a strip club.

You're already

making me wear a tux.

It's my bachelor party.

You're my best dyke.

When have you ever

known me to wear a suit?

Eh, then wear a dress.

Go the bachelorette party.

Talk about midwives and sh*t.

I don't want to wear a dress.

I just want to wear

something that's not a suit.

This one advertises

sports, steaks, and p*ssy.

Perfect.

Speaking of p*ssy, how's Jean?

One comment says, "slutty

b*tches everywhere."

You think that's good or bad?

That's good.

Have you guys slept

together again?

Alex, please stop

bugging me about Jean, Ok?

We're not getting back together.

Can I say one thing?

No.

Enemy within,

dude, self-sabotage.

You undermine sh*t.

That's three things.

I'm just saying

Jean's good for you.

You are good for her.

Well, I want

something more than just

being good for someone.

Well, that's all there is.

Love isn't romance.

It's survival.

Survival's depressing.

Not if you're

dying, technically.

Mm-mm.

Technically, this isn't

your conversation.

Oh, sh*t.

- What?

I got to go.

I have to be early

for my co-op shift.

Seriously, I'm losing

out to a grocery store.

They have really great produce.

Come on.

What about my bachelor party?

I'll book the steak

and p*ssy club, Ok?

Bye.

Oh, it's you.

It's you.

I love your show.

When you grab her like that,

she thinks I'm not good enough.

Hey, Morgan, new member.

She was fine

when you were looking at her.

You don't know that.

You need to stop putting

words in my mouth.

Morgan, I need

you in orientation.

Samantha's supposedly in labor.

But I have a new member.

No, I'll take her.

I've never done an

orientation before.

Morgan, I really need you

to be with me on this one, Ok?

Great.

Oh, make sure they know that

the earth machine was finally

approved for the goddamned

urban farm, which nobody

goes into without a hard hat.

Hi.

You do a good job.

Thank you.

Here, take her back.

Just come here.

Good job, of course.

Each of you should sign up...

for your shift.

Each of you should sign up for

your shifts after this meeting

by filling out a form

from the red binder.

Remember, you are

required to volunteer

three hours every four

weeks to be a member.

If you miss one shift,

you are required to make up two.

This concludes our orientation.

I would like to officially

congratulate you

on being a new member of the

green hill food co-operative,

happy food, happy people.

Thanks.

I'd like to sign up for a shift.

Oh.

You're supposed to go

to an orientation first.

Well, you saw me

there, didn't you?

Yeah, but you're required to

stay through the whole thing.

Mm.

Morgan, right?

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