Wonder Page #4

two weeks off school.

You're nuts.

(BARKS)

You see?

Even your dog agrees.

Hey, Mom, is it okay

if Jack comes over?

Yes!

Thanks, Mrs. P.

I mean, you get snow

on Christmas.

But you can get snow

on Halloween.

JACK:
How?

If you live in Alaska

or there's a blizzard.

(EXHALES) I've got to be cool.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

You ever thought about

having plastic surgery?

No, I've never

thought about it. Why?

(CHUCKLES)

Dude, this is after

plastic surgery!

It takes a lotta work

to look this good.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh my God! Oh my God.

BOTH:
1, 2, 3, 4,

I declare a thumb war.

Bow, kiss, begin.

Nate.

Fire.

(INAUDIBLE)

Okay, everybody,

if you can't see the camera,

the camera can't see you.

Now let's improv like

we know what we're doing.

Okay, everybody say, "Stella!"

ALL:
Stella!

(CAMERA CLICKS)

So I can't figure you out.

What?

Um, I can't figure you out.

Most theatre people won't

stop talking about themselves.

But you don't talk.

I... I listen.

Me, too.

I know.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

So you do pay attention.

Okay, that's a start. Uh...

I'm a good listener

so tell me something.

Who are you gonna

audition for?

Um, I'm not really

the Our Town type.

Oh come on. Don't be

the "run lights girl."

Should be Emily.

Look, your family can't cheer

for you in a booth.

Oh, they're pretty busy.

I don't think they would

cheer for me anyway.

Come on,

there's not one person

in your family

who would applaud you?

My grandmother.

There you go. Bring her.

I can't.

Well, then I'll applaud you.

Why are you being

so nice to me?

Because you're an only child.

We have to stick together.

Think about it. Okay?

And your grandmother's

still cheerin' you on.

GRANDMOTHER:
I know you.

And I love you more than

anything in the world.

What about Auggie?

I love your brother.

But he has a lot of angels

looking out for him.

And you have me.

Yeah.

You are everywhere.

And...

...you are my favorite.

You're my favorite,

too, Grams.

Mom, Daisy ruined

my Boba Fett costume!

What? Where have you been?

It's very late.

I'm sorry.

She threw up all over it.

Okay, well,

you'll just have to wear

your costume from last year.

But I told Jack

I was going as Boba Fett,

not Ghostface.

Well, tomorrow is Halloween.

And all the shops are closed.

And my artistic hands are busy

making meatloaf.

So you do the math.

Fine!

Do you need some help, Mom?

What?

Some help.

Oh, uh, yes, thank you.

Er, mince that rosemary,

please.

Where did you say you were?

I, uh...

I went to Coney Island.

How about you stay home

from school tomorrow? Hmm?

It's Halloween. We can

make it a 3-day weekend.

Spend some time together.

Yeah. Yeah,

that would be really nice.

Yeah?

Okay, good.

Peppers? I don't want peppers.

Peppers give Daddy gas.

(CHUCKLES)

AUGGIE:
I don't care what

Jack Will says

about Christmas.

NATE:
Hey, Auggie!

AUGGIE:
For me, Halloween is

the best holiday in the world.

It's so awesome,

when I'm wearing the costume!

I usually walk

with my head down

to avoid being seen.

But on Halloween,

I walk with my head up high.

I don't even know

who that was.

He didn't even know

who I was. It's so cool.

Especially because people

don't like to touch me

because they think

I'm contagious.

Oh, yeah, Chewie! Up high!

Boom goes the dynamite!

(KIDS LAUGHING)

It really does look like him.

JULIAN:
I mean, he's always

reminded me of, like,

the shrunken head, you know?

AMOS:
Or an orc.

JULIAN:
Yeah.

If I looked like him,

I'd swear

JACK:
If I looked like him,

I think I'd kill myself.

Why do you hang out with him

so much, Jack?

MILES:
Yeah.

JACK:
I dunno.

Tushman asked me

to be his welcome buddy

and now he just

follows me around everywhere.

JULIAN:
Well, that must stink!

That must stink.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

AMOS:
Oh, yeah. Just like him.

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

(GROWLS)

(LAUGHING)

Nobody puts Baby

in the corner.

Always blows my mind

how much Daddy looks like

Patrick Swayze in this movie.

Ew!

(CHUCKLING)

Ew, no!

Honey, tell me

what's going on with Miranda?

It's not just the pink hair.

She's just...

She won't even talk to me.

I had a friend in high school.

We went through

this exact same thing.

And what I did, which fixed it

almost immediately...

Was, um, to eat an entire

jack-o'-lantern

bucket of candy.

(CHUCKLES)

(PHONE RINGING)

Mmm. Hello.

Yes, Mr. Tushman.

He's nauseous?

Does he have a fever?

What did the nurse say?

All right. Okay. Thank you.

I will be right there.

Honey, I have to go,

your brother just threw up

at school.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)

(TV TURNS OFF)

(CLATTERING)

(SOBBING SOFTLY)

ISABEL:
Nate, do you know

where his helmet is?

He's asking for it

and I've looked everywhere.

I don't know.

Something at school.

And now he says

he doesn't even

wanna go trick-or-treating.

I know. Okay. Thank you.

Just get here.

VIA:
Come on, get ready.

It's almost time

for the Halloween parade.

You're supposed to knock!

(KNOCKS ON TABLE)

Go away!

Mom says you won't say

what happened.

Did someone say something?

Someone always says something!

Well tell me what happened.

It's none of your business!

You took my day with Mom,

so it is my business.

I heard Jack Will talking

about me behind my back.

He said he'd kill himself

if he looked like me.

Jack Will?

Isn't he the nice one?

There are no nice ones!

I wish I'd never gone

to school in the first place!

But you were liking school.

I know you were.

I hate it, okay? I hate it.

Auggie, I'm sorry,

but you're not the only one

who has bad days.

Bad days?

Do people avoid touching you?

When a person

accidentally touches you,

do they call it "the plague"?

No.

So just don't compare

your bad days

at school to mine, okay?

Okay.

Did you notice that Miranda

doesn't come around any more?

What?

You didn't. Shocker.

Yeah she went away

to camp this summer

and now

she doesn't like me anymore.

Why?

Because school sucks.

And people change.

So if you wanna be

a normal kid, Auggie,

then those are the rules.

So let's go trick-or-treating.

Okay?

Because right now

we're each other's

best friends.

Really?

Yes.

So come on.

I'll let you have

all my Halloween candy.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

AUGGIE:
I'll trade you

my apples.

VIA:
Okay, no.

I know that I said that

you could have all my candy,

but I was really

just saying that

to get you out of the house.

AUGGIE:
What about

the chocolate?

VIA:
No.

And the Smarties?

Gummis, licorice,

the Reese's, the Hersheys.

No!

And everything else.

All right, I'll let you have

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