Worried About the Boy Page #2

When?

I don't know.

Doing what?

I don't know! Christ, will you just

lay off me? I'm not hurting anyone!

Right, that's it! Come on.

Get your stuff together.

What?

I'm taking you home.

You gave it your best shot

and it just didn't work out.

There's no shame in that.

Now, come on.

No, no, no, this is my home! These are

my friends! I'm not going anywhere!

I just want you to have a plan.

Oh, George, John.

John, George.

All we need now is Paul and Ringo.

So, what do you think

of the penis extension?

Lovely.

Oh, circumsized, too.

You know, your nose grows

when you get jealous.

You're like Pinokio.

With bad skin.

Are you ready, Peter?

Yeah, he's still a work in progress.

Send you a postcard!

From where?

Scotland.

Finky owns a chunk of it.

What am I gonna do now?

If you ever get lonely,

you can always resort

to a series of grabby one-night stands.

Honey, you'll be fine.

I'll be back to visit very soon.

Promise. I see.

Keep your chins up!

Oh, and I left a little something

on your bed. Enjoy it!

What am I supposed to be

looking at here, son?

It' s me.

So, what have yous all done?

Nothing.

I don't get it, son.

We're a fashion movement.

Right. So what are yous called?

We don't have a name.

Well, I probably wouldn't have

heard of you then, would I?

Hey? Hey, Dee! Dee! Listen to this!

He said he's in

a fashion movement, yeah?

So I said:
"Well, what are yous called?"

And he said:
"Oh, we don't have a name."

I said:
"Well, I probably wouldn't have

heard of you then, would I?"

That's funny.

Oh, I don't know.

Any news on the job front?

Yes and no.

Which?

Well, I heard about a job that's going.

So, can you get an interview?

Yeah, that isn't the problem.

So, why do you want this job.

Mr O'Dowd?

I f***in' don't.

In that case, you're hired.

You're so hideous. I don't want

the public looking at you.

Chop, chop!

Shall I check it? Or cremate it?

Just give me my ticket.

F*** off, Steve, I'm on a break.

His name is Kirk.

He's a singer.

And what does he sing about?

Diving into muff for all I know.

He's straight.

Very straight.

That's your problem, Steve.

No ambition.

Back to your hutch!

This country hasn't been engaged in a

proper land war for thirty-five years.

Don't you think that you might?

What are you, twenty years old?

Any war in the 1980's, and there will

be one, you and me will be conscripted.

It would be cool if they put us

all together.

It would be like a

cross-dressing regiment.

Suppose they really do make us fight,

who do you think it's gonna be against?

Don't know. The Russians?

What's a Russian ever done to hurt you?

Well, they have nuclear.

So do the Americans.

What makes you trust an American over a Russian?

Anyway, Maggie will save us.

Thatcher? She's just Calahan in a dress.

You should put that in a song.

Our followers will be remembered as

the generation who skipped the wars.

That's why they f***in' hate us.

That's what punk was really all about.

It's why it ended the way it did.

As soon as they started labelling it,

we killed it off.

Whatever we come up with next,

we'll kill that before they figure it out.

My dad thinks wearing aftershave

makes a man gay.

Who are you talking to?

Myself, obviously.

What did it look like?

Now I remember, sort of grey. Looks

like something we burried my nan in.

Voila!

Where's the boyfriend tonight?

He's gone home.

Alone?

What's it to you?

You wanna keep your eye on that one.

I reckon he's got a tendency to deceive.

Don't meddle.

Slag!

It's very sweet of you to walk me home.

I'm a gentleman.

Is that your bike I saw back there?

What bike?

Your motorbike?

Why would you think I have a motorbike?

I don't know.

The helmet and the jacket...

My mate gave me a back.

He dropped me off at the club.

Why, do you like bikers or something?

Well, as long as they don't chase me,

I'd frankly like to keep my teeth in.

This is me.

Do you wanna come and see us play

some time?

Only if you write a song about me.

How are you getting home?

I don't know. Bus...

They stopped going hours ago.

I mean, you can come in for a cup,

if you like?

You know I don't have sex with blokes, right?

I'm only offering tea.

I hope you like it weak.

You look like a girl.

Thank you.

What the hell are you doing,

you crazy old bastard?!

I'm killing them, that's what!

Killing who?

That freak they all like to go about!

That junkey that's taken over

my son's body!

Well, it's a good thing that

insanity doesn't run in the family!

I received a Grammy in this.

Get a hold of yourself, it's only a dress.

Wrong! It's an Issey Miyake.

You're so thick, you probably

don't even know who he is.

How did you get in here?

Through the window. One of the

photographers gave me a leg up.

It's nice to know they're

good for something.

They're worried about you.

I don't know if you've noticed but I've

got a big f***in' bounty on my head

and I'm not talking about the chocolate variety.

I mean, your fellow housebreakers

out there are paid to harrass me.

Well, one minute you're

chasing after them.

Then the next minute

they're chasing after you.

I don't know, it seems like a funny

old game, if you ask me.

And you're wating your time anyway

because I flushed it all.

What I could find of it, anyway.

I'm sure you have another stash

hidden away somewhere.

You've been watching too much Grainger.

Is this my fault all this?

Did I f*** up with you somehow?

Why do you say that like

there's something wrong with me?

You don't even see it, do you?

If you were happy, I...

Just go. Please dad, just...

Just go.

I came here to help.

And what do you think

you're capable of doing?

I mean, so far all you've done

is aggravate my astma.

Why don't you let me just try?

Because I'm fine!

I mean, stop worrying about the

f***in' red tops, dad, and look at me!

I'm your son! Look at me! I am fine!

I don't even recognise you any more.

I should have brought the letters.

People who've had the same

problems with their sons and daughters.

It's so reassuring to know.

They're worried about you, Georgie

People grab me and your

mommy in the shops

and they tell us they want

to see you get better.

We had a phone call from Japan

a few days back.

I didn't understand what he was saying

most of the time

but it was obvious it was about you.

How Boy? How Boy?

People you've never even met are

praying for you.

When I get sick, your mommy

just sneers at me, but you...

You have no idea how many people love you.

Then why do I feel so hated?

You're a girl.

If that's what you want.

Just say it.

I'm a girl.

Again.

I'm a girl.

I'm your girl.

Bloody hell!

Yeah, I love it!

What are you doing?

I think they call it singing.

That's your singing voice?

Why? What's wrong with it?

Nothing. Nothing, just...

It don't suit the song.

Well. maybe I'll write a song

that does suit my voice.

You? Write music?

Wait, wait, wait!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes