Worried About the Boy Page #4

You plucked up all that courage,

came all this way

just to sing a Sunday school hymn?

It was in my head.

Do you hear that?

That is the sound of no one applauding.

Get used to it.

I wanna be famous.

Famous for what?

Well, a thorough foreview should just about do it.

Since you force me to look for positives,

you do have an interesting exterior.

You should see me when I make an effort.

Up here!

Take your shoes off.

No, no, no, down here.

For God's sake, put your shoes on.

How wonderful!

Notorious for doing nothing.

Only now I think it's time

I actually did something.

Why f*** with the winning formula?

Have you told me your name already?

Three times, Mr McLaren. It's George.

How horribly forgettable.

We should change it.

Into what?

I've just written a song about a pilot

called Lieutenant Lush.

Do I get to record this song

as it's named after me?

No, it's for a little band I put together

called Bow Wow Wow Wow.

I thought there were only two wows.

I'm thinking of extending it.

What a brilliant idea!

Don't kiss my ass, George.

Please, call me Lush.

I have little interest in the music

industry. I sell clothes.

In order to sell anything

you have to advertise it.

That's why I put the Pistols together.

If I were to form a real band, that would

take a great deal of time and effort

neither of which I have. So, when I look

at you, what do you think I ask myself?

How do I spell his name on a checque?

Can you wear what I tell you to wear

and convince others to copy you?

I'm your mannequin, Mr McLaren.

I'm having a new house delivered.

They're sending it one bit at a time.

Did I miss the band meeting?

Well, they came early.

Well, they didn't mention it.

Look, there is no easy way to say this.

They don't like you.

Oh.

They want you out.

Well, I hope you told them where to go.

Of course I did. Which is why

they are off on tour. Without you.

Enjoy the rest of your life.

Do you know who you want to be?

Who do I want to be?

Shakin' Stevens.

Trust me, I don't wanna be

Shakin' Stevens.

I'd give anything to be Shaky.

Kids love him. Grannies love him.

He's number one every pissing Tuesday

and no one's even bothering to copy you.

I don't think it's nothing for two

people to dance on Elvis' grave.

Anyway, f*** music!

I'm going to be an actor!

You're Lieutenant Lush.

Lieutenant Lush.

That's what I said.

No, you said Lieutenant, as in Columbo.

Anyway, I'm not him.

Lush is dead.

Yeah, life cut tragically short.

But means nothing to me.

Well, I'm in the music business too.

Yeah? I thought I saw you working

in Half Price.

What do you do?

I'm starting a band if you're interested.

I hope you got more instruments than that.

You're funny.

Well, that's good enough for me!

I'm in!

They're selling pirate shirts in Top Shop.

What?

I said they're selling pirate shirts

in f***in' Top Shop.

I walk down the street, people don't

even throw stuff at me anymore.

What does that mean?

We're dead.

Officially enough.

Doomed to walk the forgotten land

with John Lydon and Les Mc f***in' Ewan.

Who?

Bay City Rollers.

God, they were huge!

You either made it to the Live Aid Bill

or you picked up your P 45.

I was busy that day.

You still have your recording contract.

No, I quit the band.

Or I was fired.

Go at it alone. My grandmother couldn't

pick the others out of a line-up.

Yeah? And what exactly does granny

Strange know about that?

Who do you think used to buy your records?

It wasn't just fat teenage girls

unable to get boyfriends.

My granny f***in' loved you.

Oh, Stevie, why can't you be more

like that Boy George?

Well, cause he's a lying, thieving,

heroine-snorting bender, I tell her.

But she wouldn't hear a word of it.

She thought you were

as pure as the driven snow.

That was Jon's doing.

Are you two still together?

I think he wishes I was dead.

Well, this could be his lucky night.

What are these? Pornos?

I don't watch them. I just deliver them.

I'm George.

In case you've forgotten.

Everyone knows who you are.

Flattering.

Kirk's fat Irish f*ggot.

I'm just f***ing with you.

How's things?

I'm in a band.

The Sex Gang Children.

You don't wanna get much air play

with a name like that.

Well, we might be looking for a drummer.

Is that right?

One, two, three, four.

Sorry, sorry!

Can we start again?

One, two, three, four.

Here we go, grub's up!

So, what sort of influences have you all got?

Punk!

Reggae.

Motown.

Soul.

Pop.

Fine, add a bit of skiffling

and you'll have the full house.

Any ketchup, Mrs D?

Were you in Adapt?

For a bit.

What's Captain Sensible like?

His feet smell.

So, what do you think?

Honestly?

I think Mikey's mom makes a

mean fish finger sandwich.

No, I'm serious.

Oh, you're serious, are you?

We're gonna be huge.

Not unless you replace your lead guitar.

We've only just found him.

There's more to this sh*t than wearing

the right frock.

You think I can't sing.

Did I say that?

Well, you never said I could.

God, you're a needy bastard, aren't you?

More than you'll ever know.

Your voice is OK.

There's a bit of soul there.

But when the words come out,

I sort of believe you mean them.

That's a compliment, isn't it?

It's as much as you're gonna get for now.

So, are we doing this or what?

Hello, John, lazy prick.

Don't panic, Mr Mannering.

Let's get on with this, shall we?

Are you seriously going to sing this?

The eyes of Medusa control and compel.

To love I surrender, I'm under his spell.

He loves me, he hates me.

He knows me too well.

Ok, shut up in your face.

It says "he".

"He" loves me, "he" hates me.

Medusa was a bird.

Yeah, with snaky hair.

Definitely not a geaser.

Not my Medusa.

Yeah, well, it's three against one, so

let's just rehearse it with "she", shall we?

Right, what have we got here?

A Jew, a Jamaican, a hairdresser and a poof.

Nothing can stop a line-up like that.

But if you want to write songs

that only appeal

to half a dozen people,

do it in your own time.

I thought we were aiming

a bit higher than that.

Yeah, well, we can't all pretend

to be something we're not.

I'm not asking you to pretend anything.

Just...

Don't elaborate on certain stuff.

Always leave them wanting more.

Walt Disney said that.

He did all right for himself, didn't he?

George!

Are you in there?

George!

What happened to you?

The b*tch went for me.

She reckons I spend more time with you

than I do with her.

Give her a try, go stick her in the band

and then she can see you day and night.

She's jealous.

Of what?

Of you, you muppet!

She thinks I fancy you.

Don't make me look a prat.

You have no idea what you're doing.

But that's good. That's fine.

It's not exactly a Rolls Royce

in a swimming pool

but I guess it'll have to do!

I'm calling the police!

No, just go back inside!

He's a bloody head-case!

Are you gonna let your broads

talk to me like that?!

Emily, just go back inside!

George, shut the f*** up!

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