Wrong Cops Page #4
- Yeah, all right. Hockey sucks.
- Can't you get away from
your gay music for five minutes
and give me one?
Come on.
Let me in. Open up.
We-we can't do it here.
It's too dirty.
- Stop your bullshit.
Open up.
- What about my car?
- Anywhere.
In the trash room if you want.
- Sunshine speaking.
- Hi, sexy.
- Who is this?
- Guess.
- Mommy, is that you?
- You have a 14-year-old girl,
Sunshine, don't you?
- She's 13.
Who the f*** is this?
- Does your daughter know
that once upon a time
you did gay porn?
How much would you be willing
to cough up
so that she doesn't see her father
in a magazine
getting sodomized by convicts?
- Do you really think
you're gonna make it in music?
- Yeah. Why not?
- I don't know. You're a cop.
- So?
- It sucks.
Nobody wants to listen
to some cop's music, do they?
- Of course they do.
Hey, the game's over, honey.
- Hi.
Hey, darling.
Uh, was it good?
- Ah, it was not too bad.
Jimmy fell asleep.
He is so drunk.
- As usual.
Do you want me
to make you some coffee?
- Actually, we're out of beer.
- Okay. I'll go get you some.
Do you know Rough, our neighbor?
The cop?
- Oh!
Hi! Yeah!
Yeah, we bump into each other
sometimes.
How are you?
- Hi.
- You know, we hear you working
on your music.
The walls are so thin.
- I know. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna try to work with
headphones now.
- No, no, no, no. I don't mind.
It's Ruth who can't stand it.
She said it's the worst music
she's ever heard.
Oh! That's it!
Yeah!
You know, the groove is good.
Yeah. I don't know.
There may be just
a little something missing.
I don't know.
Oh, here's my favorite part.
- This is good.
This is good!
- Hi, Duke.
- God!
What the f*** are you doing here?
Jesus Christ!
Are you stupid?
You scared the life out of me!
- I wanted the element of surprise.
I need to talk to you.
- You couldn't do it like anyone else,
on the phone?
It would be easier, wouldn't it?
- No, because over the phone,
you can't threaten someone
with a knife.
You aren't seriously threatening me
with a kitchen knife, are you?
- Yeah, I could slit your throat
right open with this.
So don't f*** up.
- Oh, I see.
It's a joke, huh?
You joking piece of sh*t.
You want to steal my weed?
Is that it?
- No, I want to know
who you gave the information to!
Ugh!
- Give me that!
What information, for f***'s sake?
What are you talking about?
Who did you mention it to?
- I don't know.
I talked about it to everyone.
What's the problem?
- Really?
- Well, yeah.
Was I not supposed to?
- Oh, sh*t!
- What?
- Nothing, okay? Just-thanks a lot.
Next time, could you please
keep your mouth shut?
- Well, excuse me.
I must have missed something.
I don't understand
what your f***ing problem is.
- It doesn't matter!
Okay, bye!
- Honey.
I'm dropping Kevin off at school
in your car,
and then I'm coming right back,
okay?
- What are you doing in your mink?
Are you crazy?
- I was just a little cold, that's all.
Can I take your car or what?
- Oh, yeah. I don't care.
- Okay.
- You really look like
a high-class hooker in that.
- Kevin, let's go!
We're taking BilI's car.
Come on.
Get in.
- You sure
you got a rendezvous here?
- Yes, I'm sure.
Now stop talking.
You're stressing me out.
Do you want to blow everything?
- They're 16 minutes late.
They got to be amateurs.
- I don't care, okay? Just stick to the
plan.
A bullet in the head, and that's the end
of it.
Stay on the line, though.
It makes me feel less lonely.
It comforts me.
- Am I stressing you out, or am I
comforting you?
That's not quite the same.
- There's a car coming.
This is it. Stop talking.
- Okay, Kevin.
This is super easy,
and just super fun, okay?
You're gonna get out of the car,
and you're gonna walk over
to the bag
that that man
just put on the ground,
and then you're gonna put
the gay magazine on the ground,
and then you take the bag,
and you bring it back
to the car to Mommy, okay?
- Okay.
- Oh.
Don't shoot, Screw.
It's a kid.
Really young.
Abandon the plan.
- Man, that's the worst exchange
I've ever seen.
A kid? A magazine?
What the f***?
I was expecting
some dangerous guys here.
- Me too.
I didn't know
it was gonna be a kid.
- You're such a jerk.
You know,
I should have known.
Don't ask me again, Sunshine,
okay?
You're on your own with your sh*t.
- I'm sorry.
Okay, look-
- Ciao.
- I'm sorry.
- Come on.
Jesus f***ing Christ.
Okay.
I'm going to be honest
with you guys.
I love your style.
is fantastic.
The-the black, one-eyed,
slightly monstrous cop
and the dying, apathetic guy.
That's spot-on.
That could be great for videos
and the press.
Now, that really works.
I love the idea of the funny costumes.
Very out there. I like that.
- What funny costumes?
What are you talking about?
- Let me finish.
- Okay, sorry. Go ahead.
- Marketing is 95% of the job.
You know, it's fantastic
that you're ready
to take it to that level.
It's pretty rare, even.
Your visual approach has huge potential.
I'm not denying that.
That-that could be really huge,
but to get there,
you're missing an important detail.
- Oh.
Uh, what's that?
- The remaining 5% : talent.
I'm sorry.
Your song is a huge pile of sh*t.
It won't go anywhere.
- No.
It's not sh*t.
I think you're wrong.
- Uh, I think I know my job.
I've been in the business
for 30 years.
that bad.
I mean, guys, you got
to get back into the studio.
Seriously. This song is bad.
Believe me.
- You can't trash the song
with your radical judgments.
I've been working like crazy
on this for two months.
- What does that mean?
Did you know Michael Jackson
recorded Thriller
in ten minutes?
- Oh, really?
I don't think so.
- Uh, I-I do think so.
I know the engineer
who worked on the recording.
I can get him on the phone
right now.
He'll confirm it. Ten minutes flat.
It's not the amount of time you spend
on it that matters.
It's talent.
All right, yeah, sure,
it's nice to have funny costumes
and spend two months on a song,
but without talent...
what's the point, guys?
- What costumes?
We're not wearing funny costumes.
I'm really a cop. That's my job.
This guy's really dying.
It's not an ad campaign.
We're not trying to be cool
or whatever.
We are for real.
- Okay. Mm-hmm.
Well, that's even worse
than I thought.
You've just lost the stylish 95% .
Sh*t, that-that-
Okay, that brings you down
to nothing.
What a waste of time.
Why didn't you warn me
earlier?
Come on.
Guys, wake up.
Nobody wants to buy music
from some one-eyed cop
and an apathetic piece of trash.
- Produce my song.
It's no worse than any other.
I know it's not the biggest hit
of the year,
but it is a good song.
Produce it.
Please.
You can keep the rights
to the song.
I don't care.
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"Wrong Cops" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/wrong_cops_23689>.
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