Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines

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1

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(BOTH PANTING)

I love you, Billy.

(ALL SCREAM)

Oh, my God.

(CRUZ SHRIEKING)

(LITA & JULIAN CHUCKLING)

Damn it, Billy. I think you broke my jaw.

You f***ing deserve it,

you a**holes!

Oh, are you okay, baby?

No.

Get the f*** out of here!

What the hell are you doing

dressed like that?

For the Mountain Man Festival,

thought we'd dress up.

Yeah, where are your costumes?

What?

We don't have any.

You can't go without a costume.

It shows lack of commitment.

Can we have this conversation

after I can get dressed?

Okay. Okay.

Nice, Billy. Ha-ha-ha.

Grrr...

Nice. A**holes.

KALEEN:
This is Kaleen Webber, reporting

from the small town of Fairlake...

...which, once a year,

turns into a big town on Halloween...

...due to the 10th annual

Mountain Man Music Festival.

People from all over the country

descend upon Fairlake...

...for a weekend of music, partying and fun

at the fairgrounds just outside town.

The festival has grown over the years

to where it now rivals...

...Coachella and Lollapalooza.

But some say that its free spirit and rowdy

crowds reminds them of Burning Man...

...which has local officials concerned

on this night.

Now back to you at the studio.

Great.

KALEEN:
Here's the deal.

I'm going for a run

to get my head out of this town crap.

I'll meet you here for the live feed at 11.

And everything better be ready to go.

Go away, kid.

Ha-ha-ha.

Hurry up. We gotta get on the road.

I don't wanna be late.

All right,

give me a minute to get up first.

We heard you're the one-minute man.

(WHISTLES)

No. I assure you he has no problems

in that department.

All right. I'm starving.

I gotta make breakfast first.

Aw, come on, Billy.

BILLY:
You gotta start your day out right.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(ROCK MUSIC

PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES)

Ha, ha.

(GASPS)

Nice costume, creep.

(CACKLING)

You know what? I'm sick of this.

I'm sick of you kids partying,

making a mess and trying to scare people.

Well, you know what?

You don't scare me.

So f*** you. Go home.

(SCREAMING)

(CACKLES)

KALEEN:
Help me! Help me, please!

Somebody help me!

Hey, hey. Over here.

Oh, please help. They're chasing me.

Follow me. This way.

(SOBBING)

Down here.

(WHIMPERING)

Okay.

Okay, I think they've gone.

Thank you.

You saved me from those maniacs.

Hey, you're bleeding pretty badly there.

Let me fix that for you.

Thank God for you.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah. Thank God for me.

Now, you keep pressure on that.

Mm-hm.

You stay here.

Okay.

I'm gonna make sure they've gone.

Okay, it's all clear. This way.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

But there's, uh...

There's just one thing I forgot.

What?

This.

(GRUNTS)

(KALEEN SCREAMS THEN GRUNTING)

Hey, give me a hand, will you?

(GRUNTS)

No, you f***ing idiot.

The body.

Jesus f***ing Christ.

(PLAYING DOWN-TEMPO MUSIO

Wake and bake, brother.

Thanks.

Heh. You're such a slob.

Can you try

and be a little bit cleaner for me?

What?

You look like a pig.

(SNORTS)

All right. Check it out.

I got all our party favors arranged

by date and time.

So this is cutting into my overhead.

But in honor of this weekend and Julian's

great idea for us to come out here...

...I've made an exception.

First up, some chronic,

which you're participating in.

And then some X

for when we go trick or treating...

...and some shrooms

for when the bands start playing. Oh.

You've been out of school

for two semesters.

What do your parents think?

Oh, no. They don't know sh*t.

And I wanna keep it that way.

Ah, besides, you know,

I'm a budding entrepreneur.

Why did we have to come

all the way out here?

Because it's Mountain Man, baby.

Hey, come on, look,

we could have gone to Burning Man.

But I'm not gonna drive

all the way across country.

We got a homegrown version of it here.

Yeah. Mountain Man has got a much

more interesting story to it, anyway.

You know the story, Cruz?

I'm not from around here, remember?

Okay, well, we're going

to a small town called Fairlake.

It was founded in 1814

or some sh*t like that.

Well, apparently, the local miners didn't

get along too well with the hill people.

I guess it was a territory dispute.

There was conflicts

over the next couple of years.

Now, Halloween night, 1817...

...the entire town

was ravaged by hillbillies...

...in the largest massacre

in the state's history.

The only problem

was no bodies were found.

It was just... Just blood. Lots of it.

It was... You know, it...

The entire town,

every inhabitant disappeared.

Was never seen again.

CRUZ:
That's awful.

Well...

Legend has it, the hillbillies hauled

all the bodies up to the woods...

...created a huge bonfire and then

they cooked the fair residents of Fairlake.

Well... And then they ate them.

Bah!

(ALL LAUGH)

Okay, you know what? I don't wanna go.

Oh, come on, baby, we're almost there.

No. I don't wanna celebrate a massacre.

It's innocent fun.

It's wrong.

We'll just go tonight, we'll leave

tomorrow, okay? Come on, Cruz.

Just one night, huh?

Please?

(PLAYING DOWN-TEMPO MUSIO

Okay, fine.

It is fine.

(CHUCKLES)

(CLANKING)

(GRUNTING)

What the f*** is all this sh*t?

What have I told you about this?

I told you a thousand f***ing times...

...you never leave anything behind.

You never ever leave anything behind!

What if somebody found this, huh?

Then you got oops investigating,

snooping around.

You don't live in some goddamn hospital

in the middle of nowhere any more.

You live closer to civilization,

a lot f***ing closer!

I have been doing this for 30 years...

...and I have never had to move.

Do you know why?

Because I never leave sh*t behind!

I swear to f***ing God,

you three pinheads...

...you'd all be under lock and key by now

if I hadn't have happened across you.

(GROWLS THEN GRUNTING)

You live in my f***ing house now

and you play by my f***ing rules.

You do as I say...

...or I swear to God,

I will take you all down, kin or no kin.

Get her processed.

Looking forward to the trip?

Yeah.

Thinking about getting me

a new .30-60 for the occasion.

It was lucky of Jason

to win the bear license lottery.

I know. He's very excited.

Well, he's a good guy to invite me along.

I know. That's why I married him.

You sure you don't wanna come?

I've got a job to do.

You need to learn to relax a bit.

You're always so by-the-book.

You ride us like we're in the military.

Discipline, Junior,

it's a good tool to use in life.

BIGGS:

Ready for tonight?

Mob of kids, such a pain in the keester.

It should be a big night

for drunk and disorderly.

(PHONE RINGS)

Sheriff Carter.

MAN:
Who is the sexiest sheriff

in all of Greenbrier County?

I'm the only sheriff in Greenbrier County.

Still doesn't mean you're not sexy.

Hey, I just blew off the second shift.

I'm headed home.

That's good.

Junior's buying a new rifle

for your hunt this weekend.

(LAUGHS)

Tell him it won't make him a better shot.

Yeah, I already did.

I'm gonna fix some lasagna tonight

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