Wrongfully Accused

Good evening, Miss Lake.

Aaah!

This is so sad.

Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!

Please, let me through.

Please.

Bravo, I say!

Ryan rules!

Congratulations.

Thank you, thank you.

Here you go.

Mitsubishi.

Mr. Harrison...

...here you go.

Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!

Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Nice talking with you.

Cass Lake.

No, Ryan Harrison.

You're mixing me up with some woman.

I'd love to have you

sit for me some time.

Are you a dog trainer?

No, portraits.

I've seen every one of your concerts.

Your music moved me.

Nothing like a good movement.

Oh, Allah!

Oh, my balls!

Muslim prayers.

That must be east.

Well, excuse me.

My hand!

Hibbing Goodhue.

Maestro Harrison, welcome.

Thank you for inviting me.

I need to talk to you.

Cass, I have guests.

It's been a privilege

sponsoring your concerts.

I'm eternally grateful to my husband for

bringing you into my life, Mr. Harrison.

I think this deserves a kiss,

don't you?

I've never missed one of your concerts.

Hibbing, however,

wasn't at Friday's.

It was a high colonic.

Yes, a Jewish holiday.

Mazel tov.

I'll just round us up some drinks.

How dare you?

How could you ignore my note?

All I want is for you to reconsider.

Hibbing, please.

- Ryan.

- Oh, stuff and nonsense!

Go dash a mineral water in your face

and buck up!

You deserve a real man's drink.

Bottoms up.

I know mine will be.

- Good-bye, darling!

- Have a safe flight.

Could you please open the gates for me?

Never mind!

Ryan, what are you doing?

Your dog certainly has

a surprised look on his face.

Well, that's because

you're looking at his butt.

Uh... oh.

Then he's certainly not going to enjoy

that treat that I just fed to him.

Well, I guess I'd better be...

I don't think so.

Now they're safe.

I thought I might go for a swim.

Would you care to join me?

I have a suit for you.

Mrs. Goodhue...

...I think that we should

say good-bye now.

No, please.

My head is spinning like a dreidel

in a sandstorm. I should go...

Kissing you makes me think

about your husband.

You do like women?

Of course.

But you're a married one.

I'm not.

Hibbing won't be back for three days.

Stay?

You don't know what you're missing.

I used to lick envelopes for a living.

Those long manila ones.

I'm not wearing any underwear.

Ohh!

Intruder, intruder.

Step away from the car.

Step away from the car.

System deactivated.

Get into the car.

Get into the car.

Get into the car.

Ryan, darling, why are you leaving me?

Hibbing is out of town.

If I don't see you tonight,

I'm prepared to take my own life.

I am desperate!

And I'm out of milk.

Can you pick up a half gallon

of two percent on the way?

Yours in adultery, Lauren.

Ruth Kimball, in New York.

And I'm speaking with

United Nations Secretary General...

...Sir Robert McKintire.

I'd like to thank our friend, Hibbing

Goodhue, for arranging this interview.

Hibbing has been my good friend

since our school days at...

...Cherry Pants-upon-Buttocks.

He's invited you to come to Columbia

Heights to make an important speech.

A speech that will have terrorists

peeing their pants.

Quite.

I am forming

a multinational strike force...

...whose sole purpose is to tear at

the very heart of terrorism...

...by seeking out and destroying their

sanctuaries and training compounds.

I will be placing every terrorist

on alert...

...that their days are indeed numbered.

Yes!

...a lesbian...

...oral...

...used to masturbate...

...nymphomaniac Siamese twins...

...who cheat with

each other's husbands.

But first, it's official!

The United Nations Secretary General,

Sir Robert McKintire...

...will be in Columbia Heights

on the 12th of this month...

...as guest of Hibbing Goodhue.

Sir Robert will be speaking

at our Columbia Heights Jamboree...

...and will be the highlight of this

year's celebration of Scottish heritage.

The Brave-Roy pipe and drill team...

...I'm not having orgasms... gay guys...

It's you!

I've been drinking several toasts

to your honor tonight, my dear.

Yes, to the great deceiver.

You never loved me.

You only wanted me

for my connection with...

...McKintire.

And for my quiet shoreline...

...the perfect place to land

a small group of terrorists.

This is about assassination.

Turn that bloody radio off!

Please, that's far too melodramatic.

Ouch!

Aaah!

Bloody hell!

Have you quite finished?

Lauren?

I read your note.

I'm not here to play games, Lauren.

Where are you?

Lauren?

L... Oh.

I want you to understand.

There's nothing between us.

You're not Lauren!

You're an imposter!

"Hylander"?

Goodhue!

Where the hell were you?!

You made a mess of things.

At least you did your job.

Goodhue knew too much.

He had to die.

As for this sorry sod, you've given

the authorities Hibbing's murderer.

I expect we'll move forward

with no further interference...

...with Operation Hylander,

the killing of the U.N.'s McKintire.

We have a code 3, 43rd and Jefferson.

Say "cheese."

Who's that?

Where'd he come from?

He's got a gun!

Get the gun!

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say may be

held against you.

One nation, indivisible,

till death do us part.

- Van Atter!

- Yeah?

Take this blood sample to the lab.

And don't go walking around

with it all day.

Up yours!

Get him in the car. All right,

people, get him in the car.

Give us room.

Stand back, people.

Give him a little air, people.

I want you people back.

Hold them back, hold them back.

I'm innocent.

I'm being wrongfully accused.

Guilt or innocence,

that's not my job.

It's my duty to pick up

scum-sucking punks like yourself...

...who are accused of a crime.

A jury of twelve really stupid people...

...who are easily swayed by rich,

fat-cat, slimy lawyers...

...who'll do anything but tell the

truth, will sit in judgment of you.

It's as American as a burrito.

Ryan and I were having sex.

Hot, steamy, sweaty sex.

Every part of my body tingled,

orgasm after orgasm...

Lady, I just asked for your name.

Mrs. Hibbing Goodhue.

I was weak to Ryan's charms.

He wanted me to leave Hibbing.

He said he just wanted to talk to him.

I can't believe he killed him.

I came home...

...late last night...

...and there he was.

Now I'm going to have to start...

...dating again.

Mr. Harrison! Mr. Harrison!

Okay, everybody, come on.

Let the car through. Stand back.

Ryan Harrison,

a jury of your peers...

...have found you guilty of murder.

On August 12,

at Stillwater Federal Prison...

...you shall have your sentence

carried out.

You shall be executed buffet style,

lethally injected, electrocuted...

...and placed before a firing squad.

May God have mercy on your soul,

you bastard, you.

Seats in the upright position.

Handcuffs and ankle chains

must be securely fastened...

...or you will be shot.

Exits are clearly marked...

...but you will not be using them.

Should you use them...

...you will be shot.

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