XXX Page #7

XANDER:

(choking)

No.

Gibbons releases his grip.

GIBBONS:

I thought you might see it my way.

Then Xander starts walking away.

GIBBONS:

Where you going, X? I said where you

going?

The Black Ops guys grab weapons, ready to stop him.

XANDER:

You tell me.

Xander climbs up the steps of the Gulfstream.

XANDER:

There better be a movie on this Goddam

flight.

INT. GULFSTREAM - DAY

Xander sits with Gibbons in big leather chairs. They are

surrounded by NSA AGENTS in suits.

A NERDY AGENT snaps an ANKLET around Xander's ankle.

XANDER:

How about a pedicure as long as you're

down there. What's this? Lo-Jack?

GIBBONS:

Wherever you go on the planet, I'll

find you. There's no quitting. If

you try to take it off, a ring of

needles will inject enough curare

into your bloodstream to kill you

before you hit the ground. Is all

that clear?

XANDER:

Yeah, I spy or I die.

INT. EMPTY FIRST CLASS LOUNGE - SUNSET

Orange light floods this beautiful airline lounge. There's a

fully stocked bar, a snack table, all unused. That's because

it's been sealed off for NSA use. (NOTE: perfect product

placement opportunity for an AIRLINE).

Xander, Gibbons and his Men are all silhouetted against the

smoked glass windows.

The Nerdy Agent hands Xander a Palm Pilot sized ELECTRONIC

DEVICE.

NERDY AGENT:

This is your communicator. You'll

identify yourself by a call sign.

From here on out you're Bulldog Omega

5.

XANDER:

You must stay up late to come up

with sh*t like that.

GIBBONS:

I expect you to call in regularly

with progress reports.

XANDER:

Fine, but I'm not gonna be no Bulldog

Omega 5.

Gibbons checks his watch. They get up and start walking.

INT. AIRPORT TERMINAL - SUNSET

The phalanx of Agents surrounds Xander and Gibbons as they

walk to the gate. The Nerdy Agent hurries to catch up.

AGENT:

Uh... Call signs derive from the

parameters of the mission.

GIBBONS:

If he doesn't like it, we can make

an exception just this once. We'll

call him "Triple X".

They walk past the gate, down the jet-way, the Agents FLASH

BADGES to the GATE WORKERS.

XANDER:

Up yours.

GIBBONS:

Crude and defiant as always, Triple

X. It fits so well because you're

obscene.

Xander is the last one to board the plane.

XANDER:

Is that all?

GIBBONS:

Just remember, I'll be watching.

As the door closes, he looks back at Gibbons and his phalanx

of Agents.

XANDER:

I've got something for you to chew

on. Next time you send someone to

save the world, make sure they like

the planet the way it is.

The jet's door CLOSES.

INT. COMMERCIAL JET - NIGHT

Xander is in the last row against the bulkhead. He's got a

personal DVD player and headphones and he's reviewing his

mission. The high-tech screen shows photos, maps, cool

graphics.

The KID sitting across the aisle leans over for a look.

KID:

What game is that?

XANDER:

Slick graphics, huh? See these dudes?

They're called "Anarchy 99", they're

the bad guy bosses.

KID:

Do they have any special powers? The

bosses always have special powers.

XANDER:

You wanna check it out? Come here.

The kid moves to the seat next to Xander.

Onscreen see photos of the FIVE BAD GUYS from the opening

sequence. We DIVE IN to the computer as Xander describes

them.

For each of the baddies, we'll see 3-D PHOTOS and VIDEO CLIPS,

all enhanced with COMPUTER GRAPHICS and POP-UP MENUS.

XANDER:

First we've got Anders, the psycho

looking biker. In charge of

transportation and smuggling. Controls

every trucking union in Eastern

Europe. Don't look too clean, either.

We see ANDERS, the wild-eyed and unclean Swedish biker,

against a backdrop of MOTORCYCLES and MUSCLE CARS.

XANDER:

Next we got a Siberian redneck,

Viktor. Into snowmobiles and

snowboarding. So naturally, he covers

prostitution and the drug trade.

KID:

Naturally.

We see Viktor, with the goatee and belly, doing some hairy

snowboarding.

KID:

This guy's kinda dorky lookin'.

XANDER:

Kirill, the sniper. Looks like a

bookworm, but he had 72 confirmed

kills in Chechnya, they called him

the "Finger of God". Assassination

and weapons.

We see Kirill in UNIFORM with his well used SNIPER RIFLE.

KID:

Who's the hottie?

He indicates Petra, the tough gangster chick. With her LEATHER

and TATTOOS she looks like she could mop up the floor with

Lara Croft.

XANDER:

You like her, huh? Petra. She runs

their finances, money laundering,

computers. Joined the gang after

spending some time as the girlfriend

of this dude, Yorgi Azar Zimin. Capo

of Anarchy 99.

Finally we see YORGI, the unlikely looking Mafiya Don. We

see CRIME SCENE PHOTOS that illustrate his exploits.

XANDER:

Yorgi masterminded the take-over of

three Red Mafiya clans. Cops called

it "blood week". He combined all of

their global enterprises into one

huge crime syndicate: Anarchy 99.

KID:

(skeptically)

"Anarchy" 99"?

XANDER:

What are you gonna do? They're Euro-

trash.

KID:

What weapons do you have?

Xander clicks on "INVENTORY". He scrolls through a staggering

array of WEAPONS and VEHICLES.

XANDER:

Just about anything I want, it looks

like. This is gonna be tough, though.

There's no way to save this game. I

gotta get it right the first time

through.

KID:

What do you get if you finish?

XANDER:

Nothing, really. My guy is just doing

it to stay alive.

KID:

Oh. I bet by the end he gets something

out of it.

XANDER:

Like what?

KID:

He gets to be the hero.

The Kid's mom calls him back to his seat. Xander looks at

the kid, then gets back to his research.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. PRAGUE - DAY

We CRANE UP from the COBBLESTONE STREET as a BEAT-UP CAR

races by. We rise up, revealing PRAGUE in all it's glory.

INT. BEAT-UP CAR - MOVING

Xander sits in the back, wedged between TWO IDENTICAL LOOKING

TOUGH GUYS. If you were to call Central Casting and ask for

a couple of cold war spy types, this is what they'd send.

They're both 6' 4", have sloppily cut hair, square jaws,

wrinkled overcoats.

XANDER:

This is bullshit, man, I wanna see

some ID.

The two tough guys flash their COP ID's. Xander studies them.

"IVAN PEDGRAG" and "IVAN PODROV".

XANDER:

You're both named Ivan? That's gotta

be confusing on Valentine's Day. So

where we headed? Fellas, I said where

we headed?

(beat)

Yeah, whatever.

He looks out the window, sees a GRAND HOTEL. They drive right

on by.

EXT. DIRTY APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

It's a crumbling old dump in a nasty part of town. Xander

shakes his head.

XANDER:

James Bond never had to put up with

this sh*t.

Ivan 1 pulls Xander's gear bag from the trunk and throws it

on the sidewalk.

Xander picks it up and carries it into the building.

INT. DIRTY APARTMENT - DAY

Dumpy furniture, roaches, cracked windows. Xander is ushered

in. There's another GUY in a UGLY SUIT waiting. He is

DETECTIVE MILAN SLOVO.

SLOVO:

Sit down.

XANDER:

I've been on a plane for twelve hours,

I think I'll stand.

Ivan 1 shoves him into a chair.

SLOVO:

My name is Slovo, Czech secret police.

When you are here you are under my

jurisdiction, you take my orders,

you do what I say. If you become any

kind of an inconvenience, I'll shoot

you.

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