Yankee Doodle Dandy Page #2

I was a good Democrat even in those days.

Mother and Josie threw out handbills.

Their smiles would've sold tickets

to wooden Indians.

They kept putting new stars in the flag, and

the Cohans kept rushing out to meet them.

We had jokes to match every cornfield.

We sang at every milk station.

We trouped through depression and inflation,

part of the country's growing pains.

Froze in winter, and roasted in summer.

But it was a good life.

It's a lucky family

that dances together every day.

1891 found our fortunes

flat as a pancake.

Then came jobs for the whole family

in a show called Peck's Bad Boy.

We opened in Brooklyn.

The town was known for spirited audiences

even before it had a ball team.

- Hammering on opening night!

What are you doing here?

- I'm the star of this play.

- You have the leading part, yes.

That means I'm a star...

...and there should be a star on my

dressing-room door. Law of the theater.

- Yes, Jerry, give the devil his due.

- I know, but I'm nervous.

I'll go blank.

I won't be able to remember a line.

Don't worry. If you stick,

I'll throw you the line. You too, Mother.

- It's to jail you're going, me boy.

- Oh, there.

Henry's not really a bad boy.

He's just mischievous, that's all.

Mr. Schults, that should take care

of the damage, don't you think?

Henry, I want you to promise

the cop and Mr. Schults...

...that from now on,

you will always be a good boy.

I'll promise, but I can still lick

any kid in town!

- Fine work, Georgie.

- Thanks.

- Great, Georgie. Great!

- Nice going, kid.

- Real piece of acting there.

- Son, you're going places.

- Boy, you sure rolled them in the aisles.

- Thanks, but why are you surprised?

You could've told during rehearsals

that I'd be a sensation.

Listen, there's nothing

to this acting business.

I wonder what took me so long

to become a star.

Excuse me. Hey! Call rehearsal

for 10:
00 tomorrow morning.

Jerry, the time has come

for George's first spanking.

That's right.

I'll hold him, you hit him.

Not me. I don't hit hard enough

to make an impression.

I can't do it. He'd think I'm jealous

because he got more laughs.

Don't think I'm not, either.

Several gentlemen to see you outside,

Mr. Cohan.

Gentlemen of the press, I presume.

It's started already.

Will you excuse me?

Let's see how tough he is!

Ought to be arrested,

every one of those hoodlums.

It seems to me you're taking this

very calmly, Jerry.

Your own son almost murdered

in cold blood.

The way I figure, it's a fine tribute

to Georgie's acting.

The way he plays the part,

every tough kid...

...will want to take a punch

at Peck's Bad Boy.

What? Have I gotta go

through that every night?

Yes. And matinees Wednesdays

and Saturdays.

Georgie, those boys did you

a great favor...

...and they saved me a lot of trouble.

Most actors give their whole lives

to their profession without scoring a hit.

You're lucky.

You're a hit at the age of 13.

I've been in this business a long time.

I've never met a performer...

...who in the long run wouldn't rather

be a great guy than a great actor.

That is, until I made your acquaintance.

Can't I be both?

Chances are, the way you're going,

you won't be either.

If the hoodlums don't get you,

a committee of actors will.

Actors are considered a very bad risk

by insurance companies.

Any actor with a conceit like yours,

we just couldn't afford the premium.

What your father really means

is you're too sensitive.

You're too anxious to make good.

You love the theater too much.

Oh, I know you can improve

if you want to.

Sure I can. Just watch me.

From now on, I'm Peck's Bad Boy

only from 8:
30 till 11 in the evening.

- That's a boy, Georgie.

- I promise, Mother.

And don't forget, Wednesdays

and Saturdays, 2:30 till 5.

Yes, sir. And the other 21 and a half hours,

I pattern myself after Dad.

Well, you could find a better example,

but that's the general idea.

Jerry, what do you know!

Ed Albee's coming backstage to see you.

- Albee!

- Albee! That's B.F. Keys' partner.

That's bigtime vaudeville!

We're big time!

He didn't send for us.

He's come here to see us!

It may be better

if I spoke business to him.

I thought you said

you were going to reform.

I'm sorry.

When he comes in,

I want you to keep quiet.

- Look at the condition of this dressing room.

- Get the cheap makeup off the table.

Hurry up!

Quick, Georgie!

Get the stuff off that shelf.

That's right.

Albee will be right in.

He just stopped at the water cooler.

If he offers you a cigar,

don't take it.

I'll take it. It'll impress him

if he thinks I can smoke.

- Get behind that curtain.

- But...

Hurry up! I don't wanna hear a word.

I don't want to even hear you breathe.

Josie, fix the chairs.

The other one.

Here, take this.

Oh, Jerry.

- Sit down, Nellie. Sit down.

- All right.

Come in.

Mr. E.F. Albee.

- Hello, Cohan.

- Albee. Meet Mrs. Cohan.

How do you do?

- Sit down, Mr. Albee.

- Thank you.

I saw your show tonight. Not bad.

Have a cigar?

No, thanks.

Your show's no good for vaudeville, but

I've seen a lot worse right here in Brooklyn.

We're opening a new theater in Philadelphia

on the 4th of July.

If you fix up a good vaudeville act...

...we'll double your salary, give ten weeks'

guarantee and third or fourth billing.

- Double our salary?

- You'll be with the best variety artists.

Vesta victoria, Eddie Foy, Ward & vokes,

Lottie Collins, Charlie Case...

Just a second.

I'm George M. Cohan. You're opening

a theater in Philadelphia on July 4th?

- Yes, that's right.

- That's my birthday.

That isn't why we're opening the theater.

The salary's all right,

but how have you got the nerve...

...to offer us third or fourth billing

after my performance tonight?

Is this kid in your show?

Am I in the show! Who do you think

was Peck's Bad Boy?

I beg your pardon.

I didn't quite recognize you.

You didn't? Then maybe you're not

the showman you're cracked up to be.

- George!

- George!

Well, now, maybe I'm not.

Maybe you're not quite ready

for the big time yet.

Mrs. Cohan. Mr. Cohan.

Good night.

Mr. Albee!

- How do you do, Mr. Albee?

- Good evening.

- Can I call you a carriage?

- Lf you will.

Carriage for Mr. Albee!

You see what happens

because you wouldn't lay a hand on him?

A mother doesn't do any punishing.

She gives her permission.

Have I your permission?

You certainly have.

Shouldn't you get my permission too?

- Not on the hand, he has to play the violin!

- All right, not on the hand.

Not on the mouth, he has to sing!

All right, not on the mouth.

Come here.

Here's one place without any talent!

- Who were Lewis and Clark, George?

- Acrobats?

- Look at this swell write-up we got.

- Write-up?

You found us whenever new states

sprouted on the prairie.

We played every town in America

that had a theater.

- Any mail for Mr. Cohan?

- No. Your father picked up his mail.

I mean for Mr. George M. Cohan.

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