Yesterday Was Everything Page #4

You know, we spent

a lot of time there.

The last time we played there,

with Madball, I was on a

payphone outside and these

kids came up and they banged

on the phone booth.

So I get off the phone and I

came out and they said well we

heard that Shawn Page is taking

your spot in Misery Signals.

He's trying out next

week, after the tour.

And I was just so taken aback,

like, "What, what do you mean?"

Awaken and destroy

these dreams

We'd been fighting lots,

but, no from my understanding

I'm gonna be the

singer in Misery Signals.

And I didn't say anything to

Ryan, I played that show.

But from that point

on it was crumbling.

It was obvious that they

were seeking to replace me.

(Ryan) We did have other

options in mind or other

scenarios at least

in our subconscious.

I don't think we had acted on

them until he left the band but,

the end was in sight with

Jesse before he left.

(Jesse) We should have

just talked about things.

We should have just all aired

our grievances and hopefully

worked through things but

instead I just went back to my

bunk I was like "Screw you guys

you bastards" kind of thing.

I just stayed in my

own little place.

(Jesse) The last time I was

here, was one of the last shows

I ever played with

Misery Signals.

We played in the smaller

room with Madball.

It's a little bit

different than this.

So thank you so much for making

this so special tonight.

[applause]

Thanks for making this

old guy feel cool.

(Jesse) And then we head south,

the next show in my head that

I remember is Dallas Texas,

that was the

last show we played.

(Ryan) Stage left

check check check. Hey!

(Sound Man) Hang

on just a second.

Let's get that vocal again.

Whoa-oooo.

1 - 2 - 3 hey.

Played here a couple of

times early on with the band.

Hey check, that's good.

Oh dude, it's

exactly the same.

It's kind of smaller than I

remember, but this is exactly

how it was set up. But this

was the last place that we

played with Jesse on his

original run in the band.

So weird.

So the room where we're actually

playing tonight is where me and

Ryan went and talked after we

played here and kinda got in an

argument and that

was kind of the end.

I don't remember what

tensions were what exactly cause

there was no singular event that

ended Jesse's stay in the band

it was building tension for a

number of months if not years so

I don't think anything

specifically awful happened when

we were in Dallas the last time

but it came to a head between

the night that we played

here and the next show.

Everyone in the band was in

agreement with me from my

understanding, but I was the one

that was kinda just had had it

enough that I needed to talk

about it right then and there.

(Kyle) We had had

this talk before.

And we knew if we didn't stand

our ground and go through with

what we wanted to do that it

would just go back to how it was

and it would never happen.

We got to the show, we had

set up our gear on stage and

we were opening the show.

And I'm saying to the guys "What

is the point of loading in?

He is not going to do this show

after you guys tell him this

isn't gonna be a thing anymore."

They just basically

said in the van that day

'We're done. We're gonna get

you a flight home. Tonight."

And I started crying and

basically begging them

"No no no. We need to talk this

out. We need to talk this out."

It was one of the most f***ing

awkward things of my life.

They told him, obviously he's

not gonna go through with the

show, so we had to go back in,

take all the gear off stage.

I was actually filling in as

tour manager at the time so I

had to like kind of explain to

the tour manager of Madball

"Look, this is what's going on.

We're dropping off the tour

cause this might not

be a band anymore."

Even though I'm sure he

could sense unhappiness in the

camp he never saw it coming.

Like he never even thought that

it would actually

come down to that.

You know, it hit

him pretty hard.

(Ryan) I think we tried to

settle it where we were gonna

finish out the tour, there was

like 4 or 5 days left but once

it kinda dawned on Jesse that he

wasn't gonna come back for real,

he didn't want to

do those shows.

So we had to book him a flight

home but we couldn't get

anything affordable right then

and there out of Oklahoma City.

So we drove to St Louis,

a number of hours away,

all just sitting in the van.

It was kinda similar to

when you break up with someone

and you're just kinda talking

through it with them.

"Why are you doing this?

Why are you guys

doing this to me?

I really want to do the

next record with you guys.

I want to finish the tour.

I want to still be in the band."

Jesse kept trying to

get me to stop so he could get

some alcohol and that was weird

too, cause he never drank, I

never really know him to drink.

(Kyle) After having something

taken away from you, to spend

the next six hours with the

people that took it from you,

I can't imagine the sh*t that

was going through his head.

Had to be pretty

difficult to endure.

Jesse I think took it

probably the hardest from Stu,

because Jesse you know he knew

Stu growing up through the

Edmonton scene and those bands,

and he was kinda the one that

got Stu into the band.

So you know to have Stu siding

with the other guys when it was

time for him to leave, I think

that really affected their

friendship and there was a lot

of tension in that drive just

between the two of them.

Maybe more so than anyone else.

(Stu) There was this

expectation of loyalty that

I was supposed to have to

him. Like, if he was getting

kicked out of the band that I

should go with him. F*** that.

You created a toxic environment

that nobody wanted you to be

involved in the band

anymore, it's not my fault.

They drove me to the airport,

and I remember them getting

out of the van and

waiting in line to hug me,

all four of them.

I just got out of the van

and walked into the airport.

And I didn't see them again

for about three years.

I think I was maybe the only

one that got out to say bye to

him. I just gave him a hug and

got back in the van and f***in

huddled myself up under this

blanket and just started crying

cause I was just...

more than anything I think

I was just upset for him,

to see that something he had

built and created to cope with

his loss, he was just

kind of being ripped from.

(Ryan) It was a meeting of

frustrations and stubbornness

from both sides.

We were young and eager

to continue on and we wanted to

have a happy environment while

we were touring, we were doing

it so much at that point, so

we just pulled the trigger.

There was no working

through it at that point.

They didn't want to hear it.

And I can't...

I don't know if I can

blame them, you know?

It hurt, you know,

it still hurts.

It hurts that those three guys

that I created this band with-

would go behind my

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