You Kill Me

And remember to join us this weekend

for the Polish

Heritage Festival

featuring a battle

of the polka bands

at the Buffalo

Civic Center.

And after that, join us

for the pierogi eating...

- Stef.

- Hey.

We missed you

at dinner last night.

- Pam made pierogies.

- I was tired.

I bet.

You doing all right, Frank?

How's your mood?

I'm fine.

Yeah, you know,

I've been reading

about that Seasonal

Affective Disorder.

So?

Amtrak station.

O'Leary's getting on a train

to New York late tonight.

Apparently, it's

stopping just for him.

Fancy.

This one's real

important, Frank.

Who you telling?

Listen, forget it.

Want to stick around?

The game's on.

I promised Daniel

I'd go sledding with him.

Hey.

Great.

Just make sure O'Leary

doesn't get on that train.

The Lake Shore Limited Amtrak number 49

now departing

for Cleveland, Toledo,

South Bend and Chicago.

Track nine. All aboard.

...makes fun of Polish

people and that's just not funny.

Polish jokes are funny

'cause they're about Poles.

That's why they're funny.

You know like... you take

a joke like this, you know.

Um, how do you get

a one-armed Polack out of a tree?

- How?

- You wave to him.

- See, that's not funny.

- I think it's funny.

They're not funny.

I'm Polish...

Mr. O'Leary,

the train's here.

Where'd you get

that hat, James?

I took it off a snowman.

You look like an idiot.

Yes, I do.

You know, my grandfather

was killed

at Pearl Harbor.

- These guys are Chinese.

- I don't care.

We need their money,

so shut up and smile.

We'll bring you

back an egg roll.

Here.

- Uncle Roman.

- No. No excuses.

- He never came.

- You slept right through it!

O'Leary's been

in New York for an hour!

I told you how

important this was.

Let me go to New York.

He'll be dead 15 minutes

after I get off the train.

You know what

the Chinese money means?

- All you had to do was kill him.

- I will.

No, it's too late.

When Eddie O'Leary

gets back from Chinatown,

the Irish are

gonna take the...

tiny piece of this city

that the blacks

don't already have.

And when that happens,

the Poles have nothing!

Thank you!

Oh God.

We've got to do something.

Not we, Dad. Him.

Just let me go to New York.

- We're not talking about that.

- You've got a problem, Frank.

Yeah, a substance abuse problem.

We can't let you do this to the family.

And we can't watch you

do it to yourself.

I just need

a few days to rest.

- Not good enough!

- Every time we send you out,

I have to make

a call to find out if they're dead.

I can't trust you

anymore, Frank!

- Even if you are my nephew.

- You let us down.

I want you to get yourself

into a program.

- Like hell.

- No, I mean it.

- I want you to go to San Francisco.

- Why?

Because I said so.

Look, you need to be

in a new environment.

What, they don't

have beer there?

Frank, we're just trying

to facilitate your recovery...

All right now, Stef!

Put it to rest.

Now, this is not

advice, Frank. This is it.

You go to San Francisco...

and get into AA

and you clean yourself up!

Or you don't

work for us anymore.

And we can't let you

work for anybody else.

Even if you are family.

All right, then.

Come on.

We've got streets to plow.

Why San Francisco?

We can look out

for you there.

Roman's got a guy.

Hey, you'll be getting

away from the snow.

I like the snow.

Your attention, please.

So do you hate me now

'cause I did this?

Right now, pretty much.

It won't last.

Try me.

I got you something.

- So when do you think you'll be back?

- How the f*** do I know?

- Hello!

- Falenczyk?

Yeah.

Saint Margaret's,

Geary and 28th,

Be there.

Great.

Okay, so I just want

to let you all know

that, uh, there

is a 12-step progress meeting

here on Sunday night.

I encourage

you all to attend,

and uh, if you want to kick in

for coffee and doughnuts,

see me after

tonight's meeting.

Uh, also,

if you're parked

in the back of the building,

uh, you're gonna have

to move your car by 9:30.

And, uh, one more thing

before I give it

back to Emily:

The Rentals Association

is meeting here on Saturday,

so I would encourage

you all to be here

unless you want to see

your rent go up.

Thanks, uh, Emily?

Thanks, Juan.

All right.

Anybody new to the meeting

or visiting from someplace else?

I'm Janet

and I'm an alcoholic,

and I just moved

up from LA.

- Hi Janet.

- Hi, Janet.

Anyone else?

All right, welcome.

As I said before, my name

is Emily and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Emily.

Last November,

I celebrated my 10th birthday.

No drinks,

no drugs for 10 years.

I thought I had it down.

I got sober

when I was 21

and I figured at 31

things were different.

So I went out

and had a drink.

Just like that,

all grown up.

And I woke up in the park

three days later.

So...

I'm almost glad

I slipped, uh...

'cause it makes me

a grateful alcoholic.

And the more

I live with that,

the more I think it's the best way

for me to go through life...

thankful.

Thank you.

Okay. Now it's

time for Juan

to come up and give out

tonight's chips.

So I'm Juan,

addict and alcoholic.

Hi, Juan.

Is there anyone here

with six months sobriety?

Hey!

Good for you.

Leaving kind of early,

don't you think?

Who the hell are you?

Guy with a drinking

problem like yours

probably ought

to stick around.

Where you going now?

Probably going

for a drink, I bet.

It's a problem drink...

'cause you've got a drinking problem.

You f***.

- I'm watching you, Frank!

- Who are you?

Roman called me

a few days ago

to tell me you

were coming out.

I'm the one who got

you to this meeting.

Gee, thanks.

Name is Dave.

And I also got you

your apartment.

I'm really scared.

You shouldn't joke, Frank.

In a town with a 2%

vacancy rate,

a real estate agent is God.

And that's what I am...

a real estate agent.

It's a swell apartment,

Dave. Go away.

Nope, I'm on

you till you leave.

Can't stop me

from doing anything.

I don't have to stop you.

All's I have to do

is watch, wait and make

the call to Buffalo.

You gonna run

and tell Mommy?

That's right, Frank.

I'm gonna run

and tell Mommy.

Sh*t.

- I'll see you in the morning.

- For what?

Work.

F***. F***.

Hey, come on.

It's kind of along

your line of work.

- I don't need this.

- I don't give a sh*t what you need.

- Doris.

- Dave.

Where'd he live?

Oh, in Pacific Heights.

Own or rent?

Own... upstairs apartment,

two bedroom.

Swell.

Keys are in his

pants over there.

Ha, Doris.

Come on.

Frank Falenczyk,

meet Doris Rainford.

Doris said she'd be

willing to hire you on.

- As what?

- General help.

- You'll love it.

- No, I won't love it.

I won't love it so much

I'm not even gonna do it.

- Yes! Yes, you...

- Like hell.

You got an unorthodox way of

being interviewed for a job.

Just... keep...

Listen, Roman said

to get you a job.

This is it.

It's yours to f*** up.

However,

if you f*** it up,

I will be on the phone

to Buffalo.

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