Youth in Oregon Page #3

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have to happen now?

Why can't I just deal

with one family catastrophe

at a time?

Well, she's a teenager.

Yeah, well,

what's his excuse, huh?

I also called Danny,

and I left him a message.

Why?

Just...

I thought, you know,

maybe he would be

the voice of reason.

Why would you think that he...

Danny can't take any more

of dad's sh*t, Brian!

What are you doing?

You can't just pawn

my father off on him.

They don't even talk

to each other!

I'm not pawning him off...

He's my responsibility.

I'm trying to find a solution!

No! No, you're not!

You're trying to get my parents

out of the house.

That is exactly

what you're doing.

Well, you know what,

it would be nice

- to have the marriage back!

- This is our marriage, Brian!

- This! All of this!

- No, no, no, no!

This is not

what I signed up for!

Oh, my f***ing god.

I'm sorry, I'm...

F***, you're...

Oh, my god.

Dad! Dad, please,

what are you doing?

I don't have time to wait.

I thought that you said

you cancelled the driver.

I know what you're both doing.

It's not gonna work.

- Brian?

- Hey, ray, ray, ray?

I understand that you're upset,

but you cannot do this

right now.

Kate's full attention

needs to be on Annie, period.

Clearly, but your daughter's

risqu habits

are not gonna stop me.

Listen, no, no, no,

dad, I promised you

that I would take you,

just not today, all right?

- Can't you understand that?

- Before we leave,

I just wanted to confirm

the mileage fees.

Get mom, please.

If you could fill out

the method of payment form,

considering your situation.

It's best we handle this

on the front end.

- Estelle?!

- Guy tells me to drive, I drive.

I know,

but he happens to be insane.

Take my dad's stuff

out of the car right now,

or else I'm calling the police.

- And tell them what?

- Estelle!

- What's going on here?

- -Hold on!

I'll be down in a second!

I'm putting my face on!

Then don't get involved.

Move out of the way.

Listen, come on,

what are you doing?

- Dad, do not get in that car!

- -Lady, take it easy.

I can do this all day.

Want me to keep doing this?

I will do this all...

Really funny.

I'm taking the keys!

I'm taking the keys!

Brian, do something!

Would you put this in, please?

What is this?

Blue-footed booby.

This is so much more pleasant

than travelling with a stranger.

Great-tailed grackle.

Don't you have a job?

I brought the job with me

in my briefcase right there.

Hope you guys don't mind

if your chauffeur

does a little side work.

No one forced you

to take us, you know?

- I'm not saying that you did.

- It sounds like you are.

Honey, can you turn that down

a little bit, please?

- I like it!

- It's too loud!

You used to like it, too.

I love it.

But it's too loud, okay?

I need to use the bathroom.

Right now?

I have to go, damn it.

We... just left.

Dickcissel.

Dunlin.

Eastern whip-poor-will.

All right, we're here.

Do you want to get out

and stretch your legs?

- No, I'm good.

- Are you sure?

- Sure as a pickle.

- Okay.

Here we go.

- Hey.

- - Hey.

- It's gonna be fine.

- Look, if you're doing this

- to prove some kind of point...

- I'm not.

We're gonna drive west

for another day.

They're gonna run out of steam,

and I'm gonna have them back

by tomorrow night, okay?

I doubt it's gonna be that easy.

You keep Annie away

from what's-his-face,

and I'll have your dad back

by the end of the weekend, deal?

- You have a bathroom?

- It's in the garage.

- But it's for customers only...

- Oh, no, he's with me.

- He's just gonna keep walking?

- I'm buying something.

- I'm gonna be a customer.

- Okay.

Is that all?

Because that's like $6.95

and we have a $10 minimum.

Ten bucks to use the bathroom?

Mm-hmm.

It's a company policy.

That was my father-in-law.

Mm-hmm?

I'm driving him to Oregon

so that he can kill himself.

We good here?

Hey, it's Nick.

Leave a message.

Or don't.

- Hey, bud.

- Hey, bud.

It's dad.

I'm just driving through

Pennsylvania right now.

I was thinking about

when we went to Columbus

for your campus visit.

So, I was just thinking

about you, bud.

All right.

Call me back when you can.

What time is it?

Um, just after 10:00.

Do you need a break?

Nope. I'm fine.

You sure?

Sure as a pickle.

'Cause I can take that wheel

for a bit,

if you want me to.

Okay, you cannot drive, Estelle.

Oh, I can drive.

I can drive just fine.

State of New York disagrees.

No doctor's ever

going to approve this.

What's that?

I read all those pamphlets

he's been collecting for years.

They all say

you have to be dying.

Why are you here?

It's where I'm supposed to be.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'd like two rooms,

please.

Can't do it.

Only one room left.

Oh, god no,

that's not gonna work.

It's a good room.

Two queen beds,

laundry room adjacent.

A view of the fire pit,

which is currently closed.

Yeah, okay, no, no, thank you.

Okay, then, see you

in a couple of hours.

I'm sorry, what?

Hot air balloon fest

up in Toledo.

Everything's booked.

They all end up back here.

Hey, sweetie.

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay.

You want some coffee?

- Black.

- All right.

All right, listen to me,

guys can still care about you

even when they do

really stupid sh*t.

You should have seen the stuff

your dad used to do

before he got me.

Colt already had me.

Well, then you know what?

He was a very...

Stupid and lucky boy.

- I don't wanna cheer anymore.

- Why?

Because I'd have

to cheer for him.

Oh, babe, that's silly.

I don't know why you'd have

to give up something you love

because of all of this.

Listen, trust me, okay?

A month from now,

this is gonna be so much easier.

Dad hates me.

Oh, gosh, no.

Come here.

No, he doesn't.

No, he doesn't hate you.

His frustrations have

a whole other focus right now.

- I got a salmon salad.

- Thank you.

- Chicken salad.

- Thank you.

And a Patty melt with extra

onion rings and slaw.

Mm, this looks good.

This is dry.

Oh, honey, it'll be fine.

I said Mayo.

Okay.

I'll get you some Mayo.

Can I have some Mayo,

please, on the side?

- Is this a good diner?

- Excellent diner.

Really?

Oh, well, that was lucky.

We picked a good place.

What do you normally get here?

Everything's good,

but I like the meatloaf.

Oh, I love meatloaf.

We didn't get any today.

Hey, let me see

if I can help out...

No. Let her talk.

Ten years ago,

I would've said something.

I would have been

over there by now.

Hey, if it bothers you,

then go over there.

- There's no point.

- Go take her by the hand.

Maybe this is what

you both need.

She's the one

who still has needs.

Well, you know...

There...

There are different ways to...

Handle that.

What?

Have you ever, like,

considered Viagra?

Have you ever

considered Viagra?!

Don't tell me what my needs are.

You talk to me when

your hard-ons

- turn to mashed potatoes!

- All right...

Back when I was your age,

a light gust of wind,

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