Youth in Revolt Page #5

after lights out.

- Sounds great.

- I'm in.

Madame, I am suffering from

agonizing female troubles.

There's your competition.

You think that Trent fellow

would sleep on the floor?

- Hey.

- Hey.

I'm sorry, sweetie...

...but not with other people

in the room.

Okay.

- Good night.

- Night.

Who are you?

I'm Sheeni's friend Nick.

I'm sorry to have disturbed you.

It's okay. You don't have to go.

So are you Sheeni's boyfriend

or something?

Yeah.

And you're spending the night?

Where's Taggarty?

Sleeping. A friend and I

are just camping out on the floor.

I get it. A slumber party.

I'm Bernice.

Bernice Lynch. Not that you asked.

Bernice Lynch,

that's a very pretty name.

I think that my friend Trent Preston

might have mentioned you.

Yeah, Bernice Lynch. But he said that

you were frumpy and unpresentable.

Now that I've met you,

I can see that Trent is a lying bastard.

I shouldn't be his friend if he goes

around calling you trashy-looking.

What kind of person does that?

But, you know,

he's been very sensitive and touchy...

...ever since he started doing steroids.

- Trent does steroids?

- He does a lot of steroids.

He says it's to ensure that

he becomes the best windsurfer.

He figures since he can't write poetry,

he has to plagiarize...

You mean all of his poetry is stolen?

Of course. It's all classic Bobby Frost.

Every word.

Trent and Sheeni can go to hell.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Hey, it's a bit cold on the floor.

Is it?

Yeah. Do you think maybe I could

cuddle next to you?

The whole night?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess that would be okay.

Or we could do more than just cuddle.

Nick.

I love it when you say my name.

Why don't you pull down

these blankets...

...and show me

what you're hiding under there?

Is that what you want me to do?

- Say yes.

- That is exactly what I want you to do.

And then I wanna

tickle your belly button...

...from the inside.

Nick, you're being so bad.

Not half as bad as the nasty things

I wanna do right now with my tongue.

I'm gonna wrap your legs

around my head...

...and wear you like the crown

that you are.

If that's okay with you.

My God,

what's gotten into you tonight?

I don't know, but let's go with it.

Nick!

Nick. You have to take Albert.

God, we were so close. F***.

How was it, Vijay?

It was magnificent.

I fear it could be terribly addicting.

This night has ignited in me

a lust of disturbing insatiability.

Yeah, well, congratulations.

F***. F***. F***.

F***. F***.

F***.

F***. F***.

F***.

Hello?

Mr. Ferguson, it's Nick.

Oh, Nick boy. How are you, son?

Not so good, Mr. Ferguson.

I'm attempting to smuggle

a young illegal immigrant...

...who's fleeing political oppression

on the subcontinent...

...but we've become stranded

in our attempts...

...and now we face not being able

to get to the sanctuary at all.

Oh, dear, the poor lad.

Yeah, it's breaking my heart.

He's got the saddest look on his face.

Those poor girls.

They'll likely notify their parents,

perhaps even expel them.

Expel them?

Oh, my God, you're right.

They'll be expelled.

Sheeni will have to

come back to Ukiah.

Bernice, you sweet angel

of the lavatory.

Come on.

Mr. Ferguson.

Good heavens.

You boys must be freezing.

And this must be the little soldier.

Welcome.

What's happened to your clothes,

son?

INS took them.

Damn them.

When I was arriving by the customs,

sir. It was so terrible.

They told me I was even lucky

to keep my knickers.

Well, that nightmare is over.

And why don't you have

any clothes on, Nick?

Solidarity.

Thanks for getting us, Mr. Ferguson.

So this safe house is in Ukiah?

That's right.

You're certain

they'll take care of him?

Oh, yeah. They'll treat him

as if he were their own.

After we dropped Vijay off, I asked

Mr. Ferguson to spend the night.

It would give Dad

a chance to reciprocate...

...for all the nights he spent on

Mr. Ferguson's couch...

...before he and Mom

finally tossed in the towel.

Mr. Ferguson agreed not to tell Dad

about the refugee.

He understands that sometimes

you have to lie for a greater cause.

You know what, you are a tight-assed,

critical, sexist drunk.

Hey, honey, it doesn't bother me

if you wanna sleep alone.

Well, does it bother you

that you're a boring selfish lover?

I ran into Mr. Ferguson downtown.

Is it okay if he spends the night?

What the hell are you doing

in your underwear?

Hi, Nick.

Want a hit?

Sorry, do I know you?

I'm Paul. Sheeni's older brother.

Come on in.

- How'd you know it was me, Paul?

- We've met.

No we haven't.

In a previous life.

Nice fire.

Did Sheeni tell you that was me?

She didn't have to.

Why?

Was I an arsonist in a previous life?

No...

...but Sheeni was.

That's very good.

I spoke with Taggarty on the phone

this morning.

She requested I send a wallet-sized

photograph for her wall.

- So did they get expelled?

- No.

Taggarty was able to convince

the matron it was innocent.

Innocent? Are you kidding me?

I could have cut the sexual intercourse

in that room with a knife.

Francois feels that a man

can only take so much...

...before his dignity demands

he rise up...

...against an absurd

and unjust universe.

I'm going to need a partner in crime.

"Dear Bernice...

...it was nice meeting you

in the bathroom.

I hope your stomach has settled.

I know you informed the matron

of our presence...

...but I want you to know

I hold no grudge.

You were still upset from hearing

all the horrible things...

...Trent has been saying about you

and probably weren't yourself.

I think Trent needs to be

taught a lesson...

...for calling you a fat cow

and an ugly whore.

I suggest you take revenge by

getting Sheeni kicked out of school.

Everyone knows it would crush Trent

if she were sent away.

How to get her kicked out of school,

you may ask?

I have included a number of

sleeping pills with this note.

You must introduce one into her

breakfast beverage each morning.

She may be intelligent and beautiful,

but is not likely to pass her courses...

...if she is falling asleep in class.

Since meeting you,

I realize my interest in Sheeni...

...was merely

an adolescent infatuation.

You seem like a much more

genuine person.

Do you suppose there is any truth

to the rumors...

...that Trent lost his virginity

to his first cousin?

Perhaps you should ask around

and see if anyone else heard that.

Be strong, Bernice. Take courage.

Affectionately yours, Nick Twisp. "

Hi, folks.

Hi, Nick.

I didn't realize

you two knew each other.

We met the other day

and got to talking...

...and realized we both know you.

Isn't life funny?

Paul, don't you think?

Only slightly.

We saved you some mushrooms,

Nick.

It's gonna change your life.

Yeah, they're pretty powerful,

so only take two.

Have fun.

Lacey.

What in f*** are you people doing?

Nick, what the f*** is going on?

Okay, George. Just calm down now.

Who the-? What-?

Calm down before the neighbors

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes