Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession Page #13

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One of the risks...

of taking on a partnership

with a sports channel...

is that sporting events

often run commercials.

Because there was

this precedent...

and premium or pay television

was defined...

as not having commercials,

we got into a battle with HBO...

which escalated unfortunately

into a lawsuit.

Z Channel felt that HBO

had teamed up...

with 4 of the studios

to prevent Z Channel...

from getting access

to their films...

and Z Channel instituted...

a restraint of trade-type

lawsuit against them.

Jerry was going to be

the star witness...

in this lawsuit

and was preparing to testify.

When I try to understand what

Jerry's state of mind was...

in the last couple

of weeks of his life...

I think that it had a lot to do

with the fact...

that he was going up against his

friends and old collaborators...

old business partners in court.

I was quite worried about him

the last time I saw him...

and expressed concern

to my partner...

and anyone else that would

listen about it...

and didn't know what to do...

but he seemed

that he was imploding.

The night that we inaugurated,

the sports channel...

I mean, they had all these

baseball players

up at the building...

and Jerry and I took a long kind

of Socratic walk...

around the block.

We walked... we circled the block

several times...

just talking it through...

and I was full of dread

and apprehension...

about how things

were going to work...

and Jerry was being

very positive.

Jerry was very ill at ease

at the party...

and he had to say a few words...

and a lot of us all showed up

in support of Jerry.

Up to the end, he was telling me

and other people...

"It's going to be all right.

"You know, we're

going to prevail.

"It's, you know, it's good."

And he had the flu,

and basically, that was it.

He had the flu,

he stayed home...

and then we did not

see him again.

My college girlfriend the day

of Jerry's death...

saw him kind of wandering

through the sculpture gardens...

here at UCLA.

Didn't talk to him or anything,

but she knew him...

and she saw him

just kind of walking...

through the sculpture gardens in

a melancholy way.

The day he died, you know...

I'm sure when she saw him...

he didn't know it was gonna be

the day he died.

We got a call to come

into the office on Sunday.

Somebody called me at home

and said...

"You need to come

into the office right now."

It was at 10 A.M. On a Sunday.

"Yeah, OK, I can be there."

Jerry didn't kill himself...

for an hour

after he killed Deri...

and I know that during

that time...

the lucid part of him

probably resurfaced.

I know he called

his psychiatrist.

I know in a very sort

of eerily calm way...

he described what he had done

to his psychiatrist.

And it's interesting.

I know Jerry so well

that I didn't even need...

to read the police report

to corroborate the vision...

that I had in my head...

but I knew he would go

to his bed...

and I knew he would

sit down in that spot

in a sort of slumped position

that he always sat in...

and I know that he must have

spent an hour contemplating...

what it was that he had done...

and that he had come

to the conclusion

there was just no way

that what he had done...

was acceptable enough

to go on living...

and he put the gun

to his temple...

and he self-executed himself.

I think one of the more painful

events in my life...

was sitting

at the breakfast table...

cup of tea in front of me,

picking up the "L.A. Times"...

and that's how I learned

what happened to Jerry.

People are always asking why

when something dreadful happens.

Truth is it doesn't matter why.

It happened.

I was angry at him.

I was angry at him

for doing that...

and I think many other people

felt the same way...

and that may be one

of the reasons...

this story hasn't been told

for so many years.

Maybe people needed to go...

through a healing process

for that.

But did I see it coming?

When Jerry died,

his mother called me that day...

and a few months after that,

I started to see her...

on a regular basis.

Maybe I just wanted

to know the answer.

Maybe there was a reason why

everyone at a certain age...

came to this realization that

they had come from a bad seed.

We don't know.

And maybe part of my association

with her was sort of...

because I was really curious

to know, as well...

because as much

as I pushed Jerry away...

I wanted to understand

the story.

After Jerry died,

it was right at the time...

within a week or two

of when Z Channel...

started broadcasting sports...

and I guess you could say

Z Channel died when Jerry died.

Z Channel died

when sports came on.

Well, there was a year

between Jerry's death...

and the end of Z Channel.

So while those events were

certainly clearly linked...

in people's minds...

they weren't directly

linked perhaps.

We were showing "The Silence"

by Ingmar Berman.

The end, a very climactic scene.

It's all about

the quest for God.

Is there God,

or is there just silence?

And here we reach, you know,

the climax of the movie.

Then comes on at the bottom

of the frame...

a yellow Chyron that says,

"Don't miss the Dodgers game...

coming up next

at 7:
00 on Z Channel!"

Well.

The Z Channel was really

about content.

"Here's what we love.

We love movies...

"and here's a whole bunch

of them...

"and here's some really

interesting people...

"talking about them."

To be included within

all these great filmmakers...

and to hopefully have opened...

somebody else's eyes

out there...

you know, I mean, because

that's what Z Channel did do...

just show

the ordinary filmgoer...

that there was a whole

other world out there.

And so I feel very privileged

to be a part of that.

There's been no place since

in my mind...

that has done quite

what Z Channel has done...

in sort of bringing

all different kinds

of film together in a way that

really brings out...

the best in films by showing it

in a context...

of everything that is movies.

The Z Channel being

what it was...

and being

a remarkable achievement...

if you compare that with what

Jerry eventually did...

and how he died and what he did

prior to his death...

there's this sense

of creating a hero...

where perhaps one

is inappropriate...

and I have problems with that.

Whatever, I think,

sort of positive feelings...

there were about Jerry

at that point...

and it sort of

trumped everything.

You weren't going to get

around the fact...

that he murdered his wife.

I had a feeling in my mind

that Jerry had other options...

that there was

other options for him.

That doesn't make it right.

I'm not saying anything about

how you leave this Earth...

or don't leave this Earth.

I just always had in the back

of my mind and still do...

that there would...

he had other options.

They can't be diminished...

when we all stand up

and have to say our names...

about who is responsible

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