Zelig Page #2

---

a series of experiments...

and invites the skeptical staff

to observe.

With the doctors watching, Zelig

becomes a perfect psychiatrist.

When two Frenchmen

are brought in...

Zelig assumes their characters

and speaks reasonable French.

In the company

of a Chinese person...

he begins to develop

Oriental features.

By now, word has gotten out

to the press...

and the public, thirsting

for thrills and novelty...

is immediately captivated.

The clamor is so great...

that Dr. Allan Sindell

is forced to issue a statement.

We're beginning

to realize the dimensions...

of what could be the scientific

medical phenomenon of the age...

and possibly of all time.

Fresh stories roll off

the press every day...

about Zelig

and his puzzling condition.

Although the doctors claim

to have the situation in hand...

no two can agree

on a diagnosis.

I'm convinced

it's glandular in nature...

and although there's

no evidence of misfunction...

further tests will show

a problem in the secretions.

It's something he picked up

from eating Mexican food.

This manifestation

is neurological in origin.

This patient is suffering

from a brain tumor...

and I should not be surprised

if within several weeks he died.

We have not been able

to locate the tumor...

but we're still looking.

Ironically,

within two weeks' time...

it is Dr. Birsky himself

who dies of a brain tumor.

Leonard Zelig is fine.

Throughout the weeks

of testing and speculation...

Eudora Fletcher

begins to feel...

that the patient

might be suffering...

not from

a physiological disorder...

but from a psychological one.

It is Zelig's unstable makeup,

she suggests...

that accounts

for his metamorphoses.

The governing board of doctors

is hostile to her notion.

They conclude

that Zelig's malady...

can be traced to poor alignment

of the vertebrae.

Tests prove them wrong...

and cause a temporary problem

for the patient.

Now the press and public

hang on every bit of news...

thoroughly absorbed

in the real-life drama.

The continuing saga

at Manhattan Hospital goes on.

This morning, doctors report,

experiments were conducted.

Several women were placed

in proximity to the subject...

but no change occurred...

Ieading authorities

to conclude...

that the phenomenon

does not occur with women.

Doctors will experiment

with a midget and a chicken.

Leonard Zelig continues

to astound scientists...

at New York's

Manhattan Hospital...

where numerous tests

have led nowhere...

in determining the nature of

this astonishing manifestation.

He is confronted

by two overweight men...

at the request of the doctors.

As the men

discuss their obesity...

an initially reticent Zelig

joins in...

swelling himself

to a miraculous 250 pounds.

Next, in the presence

of two Negro men...

Zelig rapidly

becomes one himself.

What will they think of next?

Meanwhile, Americans all over

have their own reactions.

I wish I could be Lenny Zelig,

the changing man.

I'd be different people.

Someday my wishes

will come true.

Leonard Zelig is

one of the finest gentlemen...

in the United States of America.

He is the cat's pajamas.

Trying a new approach...

Dr. Fletcher places the subject

under hypnosis.

Tell me why you assume

the characteristics...

of the person you're with.

-It's safe.

-What do you mean safe?

Safe...

to be like the others.

You want to be safe?

I want to be liked.

Probing Zelig's unconscious...

Dr. Fletcher gradually

puts together the pieces...

of Zelig's behavioral puzzle.

Dividing her time

between the hospital...

and the 42nd-Street Library,

she writes her report.

A closed meeting

of doctors listens...

as Dr. Fletcher describes Zelig

as a human chameleon.

Like the lizard

that is endowed by nature...

with a marvelous

protective device...

that enables it

to change color...

and blend in with

its immediate surrounding...

Zelig, too, protects himself...

by becoming

whoever he is around.

The doctors listen,

and their reaction is skeptical.

"Impossible," they claim.

"Preposterous."

"If he's a lizard,"

quips one doctor...

"then we shouldn't spend

hospital money feeding him...

"but simply catch him

some flies."

We knew we had

a good story this time...

because it had everything in it.

It had romance.

It had suspense.

This fellow Zelig,

he grew up poor.

My city editor said, "Ted...

"we want this story

on page one every day."

In those days, you'd do anything

to sell papers.

To get a story,

you'd jazz it up...

you'd exaggerate,

play with the truth.

Here was a story.

It was a natural.

You told the truth,

and it sold papers.

It never happened before.

Overnight,

Leonard Zelig has become...

the main topic

of conversation everywhere...

and is discussed with amusement

and wonder.

No social gathering is without

its Leonard Zelig joke...

and in a decade

of popular dance crazes...

a new one

sweeps the nation.

What's brown, white,

and yellow with four eyes?

Leonard Zelig

at the League of Nations.

Not everyone, however...

was entranced

by the human chameleon...

and amongst the fanatics...

he was a handy symbol

of iniquity.

This creature

personifies Capitalist man.

A creature who takes

many forms to achieve ends...

the exploitation of the workers

by deception.

To the Ku Klux Klan, Zelig...

a Jew who was able

to transform himself...

into a Negro or lndian,

was a triple threat.

Meanwhile, Dr. Fletcher...

certain that her findings

are correct...

begs for time

with her patient...

to put her theories

into operation.

You recall

the first time you began...

behaving like the people

you were around?

In school,

some very bright people...

asked me if I read "Moby Dick."

I was ashamed to say

I never read it.

And you pretended?

When did the changes

begin happening automatically?

Years ago.

Saint Patrick's Day.

I wandered into a bar.

Wasn't wearing green.

They made remarks.

I turned lrish.

You told them you were lrish?

My hair turned red.

My nose turned up.

Spoke about

the great potato famine...

and the little people.

We do not agree

with Dr. Fletcher's ideas.

We believe those ideas

are pipe dreams.

We believe that any change

in Zelig's condition...

is going to be brought about...

through certain

experimental drugs...

which although risky,

have been known to work wonders.

Zelig is treated

with the experimental drug...

somadril hydrate.

He undergoes

severe mood changes...

and for several days

will not come off the wall.

Then suddenly...

as Dr. Fletcher is beginning

to make some progress...

the question of Zelig's fate

takes a new twist...

as his half sister Ruth

removes him from the hospital.

"He can be better cared for

at home," she tells the doctors.

He'll be looked after by her

and her lover Martin Geist--

a businessman

and ex-carnival promoter.

There is very little resistance

amongst the doctors...

who are relieved to be rid

of the frustrating case.

Rate this script:4.5 / 4 votes