Zerophilia Page #8

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LUKE:

Me?

MAX:

You're awesome out there. And

according to my sister, you walk on

water.

Luke grunts, a smile.

MAX (CONT'D)

Truth is, I uh, met your cousin.

Luca.

LUKE:

Oh. Yeah?

MAX:

You both have practically the same

name?

LUKE:

We were both named after our Uncle.

Locasto.

MAX:

Well, she's cool. Actually, she's

hot. I was hopin' maybe you could

hook me up.

55.

LUKE:

Huh? No. Not a chance.

MAX:

Boyfriend?

LUKE:

No! She just wouldn't be

interested!

MAX:

She a Lesbian?

LUKE:

No! Of course not. Jesus! She's,

-my cousin!

MAX:

Yeah, okay. So? Michelle's my

sister. You gonna' tell me you

wouldn't like to do her?!

LUKE:

F*** YOU, man!

Luke SHOVES Max, who SHOVES him right back.

MAX:

What is your deal?!

LUKE:

You A**HOLE!

Luke lunges for him.

They go at it, wrestling FIERCELY.

Max gets the upper hand, and pins Luke down to the ground.

Luke surges with RAGE, breaks free. Grit teeth, ripped

clothes, they roll on top of each other, two rabid pitbulls.

Keenan and the Other Guys rush in, pulling them apart.

MAX:

Keep the f*** away from me! And

Michelle too!

LUKE:

You can f*** off!

CHAD:

What the hell's goin' on?!

56.

KEENAN:

(to the guys)

Luke's datin' his sister.

VARIOUS GUYS:

(recognition)

Aaaah!

LUKE:

Oh, you can all f*** off!

Luke breaks free of the guys, and moves off.

INT. POLLY WOG'S POOL HALL - DAWN

Sydney stands at the bar with a cup of coffee, chatting with

Jeremy.

JEREMY:

This shirt? I've had it for years.

SYDNEY:

Well, it's very sexy. I love men's

clothes. What else have you got in

your closet?

Jeremy smiles, unsure what she means. When Polly approaches,

her eyes a little red, Jeremy pulls her aside.

JEREMY:

Polly, are you alright? Didn't

mean to walk in on you.

POLLY:

Oh, hon. I'm fine, thanks. Love,

tears. That's the trade-off.

She puts a hand to his cheek, reassuring. Jeremy ducks

behind the bar.

SYDNEY:

My God, he's gorgeous.

POLLY:

Yes, he's a Michelangelo. And the

sweetest boy in the world. Sorry,

darling, I'm afraid you'll find

he's not your type.

SYDNEY:

Oh, we'll see about that.

57.

POLLY:

I think he may prefer men.

SYDNEY:

I certainly hope so.

Keenan and Janine enter.

SYDNEY (CONT'D)

You two better have a seat.

JANINE:

Is Luke alright?

SYDNEY:

He should have full control over

this now. Something must be really

confusing him. The only thing I

can think of...

KEENAN:

What?

SYDNEY:

When he became Luca, was he

attracted to one of you? You can

get really thrown by that. Janine?

JANINE:

No. Not me.

KEENAN:

Well, he sure as hell wasn't

attracted to me.

JANINE:

No. Definitely not.

SYDNEY:

Wasn't it just the two of you?

JANINE:

Not exactly.

Janine glances to Keenan, as his eyes GO WIDE, grossed out.

KEENAN:

Oh, give me a break! No way!

Max?! They just had a huge fight.

He tried to beat the crap out of

him!

Janine and Sydney exchange a knowing look.

58.

KEENAN (CONT'D)

Oh, Christ, Luke's not queer! He

was just turnin' into a girl!

JANINE:

Exactly. He was a girl.

KEENAN:

Oh! This is just wrong.

JANINE:

Would you rather she was attracted

to me?

KEENAN:

Would you?!

JANINE:

Maybe I would!

SYDNEY:

Whoa! HANG ON! Right now, Luke

needs your help. He needs to know

you're behind him, no matter what

he wants.

Janine nods.

JANINE:

So, what's all this mean?

SYDNEY:

Bottom line? Maybe Luca really

likes this boy, -enough to want to

be female.

JANINE:

(to Keenan)

Don't sneer!

KEENAN:

Oh, come on! I know the guy.

We've done all kinds a' sh*t

together:
Hoops, hockey!

JANINE:

Oh, and girls can't play sports?!

KEENAN:

Oh, -whatever! Christ, Janine!

Why the hell would he want to be a

girl?!

59.

JANINE:

That's so hard to imagine?!

KEENAN:

Uh, -YEAH!

SYDNEY:

HEY! LISTEN UP! I know what I'm

talking about. You see this?

Sydney pulls out a SNAPSHOT, shows it to Janine.

JANINE:

Who's he? An Ex? ...Oh, my God.

SYDNEY:

Ex me.

KEENAN:

You're one too?

You're a Z?

You're a guy?!

SYDNEY:

Was. I made a terrible mistake.

She and Keenan keep staring at the photo...

SYDNEY (CONT'D)

And once you finally figure out who

you are, it's a horrible thing not

being yourself. That's why it's

crucial we help Luke.

Janine nods, grasping the significance.

Keenan keeps looking from the photo to Sydney and back again.

KEENAN:

You musta' worked out.

EXT. CAMPUS - OUTSIDE DORM

Luke sits, waiting on the steps of a campus dormitory.

Janine approaches, grinning, carrying a box tied with a bow.

Keenan trails behind, straddling his bike.

LUKE:

What's this all about?

Janine hands him the box.

60.

Keenan sneers, cringes.

JANINE:

It's just a little something we

thought you might want.

Luke opens it, pulls out a BLUE DRESS.

LUKE:

What the hell is this for?

KEENAN:

(elated)

I told her.

(to Janine)

I told ya'. What a stupid ass

idea!

JANINE:

Keen! Don't! We just want you to

know, whatever you decide, it's all

right with us.

LUKE:

Decide?! WHAT?! No, it's not!

Get this thing away from me! JUDAS

PRIEST!

Luke HURLS the box out to the curb. Keenan gives him a

thumbs up!

KEENAN:

Sorry, man. Think she wishes

everyone was female.

JANINE:

What's that s'posed to mean?

KEENAN:

Oh, Christ, Janine! It means he

doesn't want to be girl! Like

he'd have to think about THAT!

JANINE:

There happen to be millions of us

out there that like being female!

LUKE:

Well, bully for YOU!

Janine walks over to pick up the box.

61.

JANINE:

NO! I want to know! Just exactly

what's wrong with being a girl?!

LUKE:

Nothin'! It's great! It's

f***in' PHENOMENAL, if you happen

to BE one!

JANINE:

Maybe we should've had this

conversation the other afternoon?!

LUKE:

That wasn't my choice!

JANINE:

I sure as hell didn't make you do

it!

KEENAN:

Janine, will you just let me talk

to him for a sec'?

JANINE:

Oh, what?! It's a 'GUY THING?!'

Give me a f***in' break!

Janine storms off with the box.

KEENAN:

Sorry, man. She talked me into it.

You know Janine.

Keenan picks up his bike, gets on.

KEENAN (CONT'D)

Look, uh,... you do like bein' a

dude, right?

LUKE:

A**hole!

Keenan GRINS, rides off.

KEENAN:

(calling back)

You should thank me. The one she

picked out was PINK!

62.

UP THE WALKWAY:

Luke passes a sidewalk trash can and notices the gift box

mangled inside.

Glancing around to make sure no one's watching, he pulls the

dress out, brushes off some dirt.

He shoves it back in the trash, stares at it.

INT. MINI-MART - NIGHT

Luke kneels on the floor, stocking candy shelves.

The CHIME BINGS.

He peers over the aisle, looks around, no one in sight.

Michelle appears by the soda dispenser, wary of him.

MICHELLE:

Hi.

LUKE:

Hey. How are you?

MICHELLE:

I'm okay. You?

As they talk, Michelle maneuvers to get closer.

Luke maneuvers to keep his distance.

LUKE:

Okay. You look really nice.

MICHELLE:

Thanks. I was hopin' you might

call.

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