Zift Page #4

how he got his nickname.

There was this big time embarrassment

on his name day some years ago.

So, Grater stuffs himself full

of fried beans, pickled cabbage,

and beer. And goes home.

His little wife

has a surprise for him.

She grabs him at the door,

blindfolds him,

Ieads him into the dining room,

and sits him at the table.

There's a knock on the door.

She goes to answer it,

but she's held up.

Grater is full to bursting,

blindfolded,

waiting for the surprise,

while the gas is pushing out.

He shifts

from one butt cheek to the other,

comes off the chair,

and breaks a mighty wind.

To disperse it, he takes one side

of the tablecloth and starts fanning.

He feels relieved for a moment.

And again... grrr, grrr.

Just like a grater.

And so he keeps on grating,

until his wife comes back,

takes off his blindfold,

and... surprise.

All around the table sit the guests

she invited for the occasion.

Imagine the embarrassment.

Have a bite. Have one.

Chug!

Twenty-one o'clock.

Hey, man.

Never trust the radio when drunk.

A buddy of mine, Badjo,

buys a "balkan" motorbike.

He takes it for a test ride

in his backyard.

but the front wheel jams.

The bike makes a somersault,

badjo flies off, and crashes into

the cookhouse window.

He's slashed all over,

and... goes straight to the ER

to get stitched up.

Meanwhile, his wife soaks up

the gasoline

that has spilled on the floor

with newspapers,

and throws them into the outhouse.

badjo gets home all bandaged up.

He takes a shot of brandy,

and goes to take a sh*t.

He lights up a cigarette...

and straight back to the ER.

- Unbelievable.

Out of the dark bosom of Chaos.

What a thought!

I'll have it inscribed

on a wooden spoon

and give it to my wife

for the 8th of March.

Take it easy with the 8th of March,

so it doesn't happen like in Lom.

Lom?

- Damn right, Lom.

Hey, Emko, give them the scoop.

Last year on the 8th of March

in the town of Lom,

a black cat

starts crossing the street.

Down the street comes a truck

loaded with metal sheets.

The driver sees the cat,

steps on the gas to avoid it,

and enters the intersection

at full speed.

but at that moment, kindergarteners

are walking across it,

and he rams on the brake.

A metal sheet goes flying out,

breaks the window glass

of the hair salon across the street,

and chops off an entire row

of freshly bobbed heads.

The driver freezes in horror,

and drops dead inside the truck.

A group of shock-workers

from the textile factory,

having their hair done

for the 8th of March festivities.

Poor creatures.

Right on woman-mother's day.

Do you know what iridium is?.

Poison. Luminescent poison.

Get me the report.

The poison is in your blood.

Do you have an idea when and how

you swallowed that poison?.

Do you understand how serious this

is?. Don't look at me like an idiot!

There's no antidote for this poison.

Then someone else gave it to you?

You have been murdered!

Nurse, call the police.

Don't move.

I'll give you an lV.

Twenty-two o'clock.

The murdered one is still alive.

I'm done with.

I dash for

St. Nicholas of Sofia church.

I was baptized here.

Ada and I exchanged vows here

the day before the heist.

Father Todor became our witness,

for we had no one else.

She wanted me to pledge my love

to her before a holy man.

Man can't leave this place

without leaving something behind.

As the soul takes her due

from this world,

but leaves the body in return.

I was seized with shame.

Father, I didn't come here to take,

but the devil poked me

with his crooked finger

and my hand reached out.

No! Whatever's taken stays taken.

You've fallen, son,

as low as the worm.

You've perished.

Your wick has burned out.

What path did you take

to lose yourself, Levo?.

He recognized me.

You recognized me, father.

Of course, I recognized you.

It was this hand that baptized you.

Why did you come here?

To repent, father, for I am a goner.

We are all goners.

Where do you come from

and where are you going to?

I got my freedom today,

but freedom's gone.

I'm going to die.

You talk in riddles. Something's

eating you from the inside.

Confess and you'll feel better.

Speak out your sin.

I have one sin only, which I've been

paying for all these years.

That sin will finish me.

I accepted to pay for it,

but I swear I'm not a murderer.

The murderer is another

and I covered him up.

Why? Who tied your tongue?.

Nobody. It was for her.

She was pregnant. I needed to protect

her and my son Leo.

boy, you're delirious.

I have atoned

without having sinned, father.

The time for reckoning has come.

Tonight I'll draw the bottom line.

- Humble yourself.

You're feverish.

Humble yourself.

Please, father, tell me where she is.

Give it up, boy.

After the communist coup

she became a mistress

of a commissar.

Tell me, father, tell me.

With that slimy guy,

who disappeared for a while

and then came out of the underground,

put on a uniform

and became a big shot.

The truth, father, say it.

Ah. You can't get to the truth, son.

Your truth is not her truth.

Where can I find her?. Where?.

At the cocktail lounge

on Malko Tarnovo.

Malko Tarnovo?.

The steep alleyway behind the palace.

You'll find it.

God be with you, Levo.

Live!

Death and the people's government

were at my heels,

when suddenly I saw the city center

looming in front of me.

I said to myself:

It has all come true!

Up there, on top of the world,

the red star shines in the heavens

like a ruby meteor.

The words of the prison-cell radio

have come true:

Iight has conquered darkness.

I notice that I cast no shadow.

Am I dead,

or am I in the netherworld?

Or am I standing

before the gates of paradise?.

I feel elated, class conscious.

The mausoleum!

I fall prostrate

on the yellow cobblestones,

the gaps filled with

black zift.

""The Dictionary of Foreign Words""

helps me grasp the gist

of the moment:

mummy comes from the Arabic word

for black resin, zift.

The Leader's mummy

has leaked out into the square,

so that I can taste it

like a communion wafer,

receive it like a blessing,

share it like daily bread.

The mummy -

the corpse of incorporeal power.

What shall it be?

- Something strong.

White slave?. Just right

for the artistic intelligentsia.

Who's singing tonight?

Gilda. The girl in the photo.

She's got one more act

and then we're closing.

The bar looks dejected,

idle, and extramarital.

Cheers.

A bowtie on a bare neck?

A fashion statement or what?.

No. I lost a bet and now

I have to wear it until New Year's.

A bet?. What kind?

With a major from the military

counter-intelligence.

He comes here because of Gilda.

We discuss, how should I say,

general army matters.

""When the Kalirakra earthquake

happened,

I was still a young girl.

A great wave split the coast.

We're wicked, people say,

but I don't believe them.

The moon is to blame,

the full moon.

The moon carelessly plays

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