Zombie Movie

---

[car engine rumbles]

[car engine dies]

[ignition]

[ignition]

[radio static]

[ignition]

BROADCASTER:
The dead body must be exterminated by destroying the brain

or severing the brain from the body.

Should we be unable to stop the spread...

[interference]

Military officials have not ruled out the use of artillery shelling

on areas heavily congested with the undead.

SAM:
Can we listen to Metal Skull?

PAUL:
Nope, we're saving the battery.

[distant explosion]

[distant gunshot]

It's just that with a full tank...

grunt

[slap]

Ow! What was that for?

I didn't see you run in to help with that towny wanker but me, so f***ing drop it!

DARRYN:
Better leave it, bro

That really hurt, you dick!

Thanks, man.

Just one bit, you prick.

[distant explosion]

[distant gunfire]

[distant screaming]

[gun cocking]

[zombies moaning]

[gun squeaking]

Boom!

Don't waste the ammo. We might need it to fight our way out.

Yeah, that worked for Harry.

Dick.

How's your hand, bro?

It's all right.

You're gonna turn into one of them... skull-for-a-face c*nts.

I am not. Doesn't even hurt, all right?

What do you think you're doing?

C'mon, mate. I really need a smoke.

You can't smoke in the car!

F*** off.

This is dad's car and you can't smoke in it, he's asthmatic!

I don't think your dad's gonna mind too much.

What?

I mean, the car's need even vomit. One little ciggy wouldn't hurt, would it?

What?

We were gonna tell you bro, but this isn't the right time.

Your dad's dead.

We were looking for you at your house, mate.

And there he was.

Dead?

Dead, bro.

All f***ed up.

Sam...!

What about mum?

Was mum okay?

Oh... f***, what?

She was eating him.

Gimme a f***ing cigarette.

But you don't smoke!

[jean button and zipper opening]

[Paul shaving]

[Darryn urinating]

Ozzy Osbourne.

Yeah. Sabbath?

Yeah, f*** yeah.

Metallica.

Motrhead.

Yeah. Fully, man. Fully.

KISS! Yeah...

F***, Sam? KISS ain't evil, bro. They're gay.

Gay?

KISS ain't gay.

They wear make-up.

Yeah, but they got chains, spikes and dragons for feet mail on their boots.

Dragons! Rawr...!

F*** up, Sam.

Paul mate...

The f*** is this?

Sh*t!

Lot of good that does.

Yeah, hold on.

Is dad's toolbox still in the back, bro?

Yeah, bro.

laugh

Right there.

[drill rattling and squeaking]

[wood chipping]

[metal grinding]

That's it.

[gasoline pouring]

All of it, bro. We don't wanna run out of DNA.

That's it.

We're geniuses!

Like Sabbath.

[thunder]

sneer

sigh Yeah!

[ignition]

[ignition]

[ignition]

[ignition]

[ignition]

Shall I get out and push?

F*** up, Sam!

[key snaps off]

gasp

sigh

pent up

[raining]

[zombies moaning]

[Sam sobbing and weeping]

F*** up, f*** up, f*** up!

Leave him alone, he just needs a cigarette.

And I could f***ing have one if you c*nts didn't have to start smoking.

Come to think of it, none of you would have even started smoking

if this c*nt had just filled the tank to start with,

and we wouldn't even still be here

if you had to drill the f***ing hole in the right f***ing place!

I'm sick of it...!

I'm sick of all this sh*t...!

I want you to kill me.

Don't be so stupid.

What's the difference? We're f***ed...,

everyone I know is dead...,

and we're stuck in here... waiting to starve to death.

I've been thinking about it.

I've made up my mind.

You just need a cigarette.

No.

I need to be dead.

And if you don't wanna be good mates and save me a lot of pain...,

then hell, I just have to step outside and not close the door.

But I'd rather not.

Can we eat you?

I guess.

Were you gonna like... cook me?

How are we gonna cook him?

The lighter still works.

We could barbeque bits of him.

Nah, it'd take forever.

You could set fire in this here tire compartment and use the lid for a hot plate.

Burn my clothes, wind the windows down a bit.

You'll be fine.

Don't eat my cock and balls, still wet.

Naw!

[whetting]

Where you gonna do it, bro?

The throat?

Nah, too much blood.

What about the heart?

It's only a Swiss army knife, mate.

Let's give it a go, then.

[stab]

groan

F***!

Again!

[stab]

grunt

Again!

[stabbing repeatedly]

(murmuring) Stop!

What's he saying?

He's saying this isn't deep.

Give it to me, bro. You're f***ing it up.

I'm not f***ing it up!

Stop, stop, stop, stop!!!

[rapidly stabbing]

Stop!!!

Sto-...

Ah, f*** it.

burp

T-take me..., take me to the hospital.

I-I need a doctor.

What?

Got a first aid kit right here in the boot. Ay, Paul?

[gun squeak]

Sorry, bro.

I was just trying to help, ay?

[Sam groaning and wheezing]

cough

F*** up, Sam.

PAUL:
Darryn, mate. ...I don't feel to good, ay.

You wanna lie down, bro?

belch

cough

snarl

[meat sizzling]

Sorry, Sam. I'm just so f***ing hungry.

[Paul growling]

Paul, mate. Keep it down, ay?

Darryn...

Darryn...

F*** up.

[Paul growling]

Sorry, bro.

You're putting me off my food.

[sawing]

[zombies gnarling]

[sawing]

[ripping Paul's head off]

[bashing hole in]

[manhole opening]

Sorry about your dad's car, bro.

[splash]

F***ing geniuses.

laugh

PAUL:
All of it, bro. We don't wanna run out of DNA.

[explosion]

[heavenly music plays]

[engine starts up]

Can we listen to Metal Skull?

Yeah, bud. Of course we can.

[Crumb's "Burn Baby Burn" playing]

You know you've got me chasing fire

You know you've got me on the run

You say that you don't know and you don't even care

Mmm, but you look like you having fun

Well, I wanna take you higher

Burn, baby, burn, baby, burn, baby, burn

Oooh, I come by desire

Burn, baby, burn, baby, burn, baby, burn

I know you just can't wait to see me

I know you just can't wait to see

You say that you don't know and you don't even care

Ooh, why don't you let me be

Well, I wanna take you higher

CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY ODDBROTHER

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