Zombie Strippers! Page #2

Well, drop an extra C-note, fellas...

...and experience Rhinos'

exclusive face dance.

One of our lovely ladies

will sit on your face...

...and give birth to your head.

Why not try it

with our lovely Lilith here?

Experience the essence du Goth.

Exclusively here at Rhinos.

All right, boys.

Give it up for Lilith,

the dark queen of the underworld.

And remember, tip the girls well

and they come out with nothing on...

...but the music.

And now...

...back by her own popular demand...

...a legend in her own mind...

...Jeannie.

B*tch.

Okay, what the hell

are you doing here?

Is it that apparent

that I've never done this before?

Let me guess,

Granny fell and broke her hip?

She's Nana, and it's for her colostomy.

Hey, Berenge, Trotskyite,

you go work floor.

Lap dance.

Lap dance?

Syphilitical lap dance?

Yeah.

-You want a lap dance?

-No.

-You don't look so good.

-I'm fine.

Well, all right, boys.

Now our own Bobby Sox...

...is gonna tease you

with her sock tease.

All right, all right.

What the hell's going on out here?

Dude, that guy's dead.

Oh, he's okay.

-Where the f***'s Paco?

-Dog, I'm right here.

Clean this mess up, would you?

All right?

I'm only two of me.

Remember the Alamo. Davy Crockett.

-Whatever.

-Yeah.

Knocked up.

I remember when I was once star.

Young stripper with dream.

Dream to sing to swanky Parisian elite

in smoky nightclub.

We live for dreams.

We die for dream.

That which doesn't kill us

makes us stronger, right?

This new girl.

I don't think she's ever stripped before.

-You think?

-Well, maybe you can talk to her.

Give her some pointers.

Yeah, sure. But everything great...

...must first wear hideous

and monstrous masks...

...in order to inscribe themselves

on the hearts of humanity.

Davis, what are you doing here?

-I need to talk to you.

-Make it quick.

I need to know what

the meaning of life is.

You're kidding.

I know we're Christians, and what

you're doing is a sin, but the intent is...

...well, Christlike,

you sacrificing yourself and all.

So, what are morals?

Does the ends justify the means?

But then again, the road to hell

is paved with good intentions, so....

Darn, I'm out of clichs.

What do you want from me, Davis?

Ultimate truth.

You're the last pure thing I know

in this world.

Maybe there's more truth

to the human condition...

...in me taking my clothes off

for emotionally stunted men...

...so that my grandmother

can sh*t in a bag...

...than me staying virginal and pure

for you.

Jessy, please, don't do this.

But I gotta. For Nana.

Well, if you must.

I'm gonna watch.

And now, for all you cornhuskers...

...midnight cow-tippers

and lnternet explorers...

...we have sweet Jessy.

What the f***?

Couldn't do it, huh?

Kid, it takes more than desperation

to get out there on that stage.

You either got it or you don't, baby.

What the f*** is going on here?

Look, you pert little minxy slut.

You get back out there right now,

or you're dead to me.

Ian, will you just f***ing relax?

I'll take her time.

Jesus Christ.

You have to be a warrior, a soldier.

Fearless, uninhibited.

A stripper with a take-no-prisoners...

...raw survival instinct.

So please, for my sake, suck it up.

-It's a war out there.

-F***ing A, sister.

Get this a**hole out of here!

Get him out!

My show, you won't watch.

Come on, in here.

In here.

Stay out of there, he's dangerous.

He's my hero.

I just wanna shake his hand.

Get inside, get her inside,

get her inside, get her inside.

Come on, come on, that's it.

Do we call someone about this?

Who? We're an illegal operation here,

a**hole.

We call the police, we're f***ed.

This blows.

Okay, okay, okay. Plan.

First, you go out front,

kill everybody that saw it.

-Hey, pendejo, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

-All right.

Second--

Second, we dispose of the body.

Yes, yeah, wild dogs.

French Equatorial New Guinea

cannibals.

You're dead.

I am?

Imagine that.

Oh, no, no, no, hold on.

You're f***ing dead.

I was.

-But now I'm back.

-Not possible.

This is not possible.

How does it feel?

Great. I've never felt more alive.

Oh, sweet irony.

Hey, where are you going?

I'm going to dance.

Announce her.

And now...

...back from the dead...

...Kat.

Yeah!

You're cute.

-Me?

-Yeah.

I could just eat you alive.

Come here.

No way.

Jimmy, Jimmy.

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.

Hey, you think this is a good idea?

I mean, wasn't that b*tch dead

a minute ago?

F*** it.

What's the worst that can happen?

Sit.

This is gonna be so great.

Allow me.

Look, maybe I should go.

Go? It's only just begun.

Look, this isn't so much fun anymore.

Let me make it up to you.

Oh, yeah. Hands are cold.

That's interesting.

Your tongue is so dry.

I get it wet.

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy

But wait, there's more.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

-No.

-No, thank you.

Suit yourself.

Did you see...?

Holy sh*t!

Hey, do I gotta clean this mess up?

You see this?

You see this, what colour is that?

-Cappuccino?

-Right.

Meaning you're cleaning this entire

f***ing mess up. Can you handle that?

Or do I have to find somebody else

in front of Home Depot?

Okay, man, okay. I got it, all right?

In old country, we use eels.

-Eels?

-Yes, eels.

They eat the flesh.

Sorry, but we don't have eels.

Best we can do is a few rats,

maybe the odd ferret.

With any luck, a badger or two.

Badgers?

Badgers?

We don't need no stinking badgers.

Just clean this up.

Come on, Paco, I'll help you.

I'll get the big pieces.

Jesus f***ing sheep sh*t.

Boss, we have a problem.

Could be problem.

Yeah, well, the only problem

I've got right now...

...is Seor lllegal over here,

who's downing my booze.

Oh, really?

How about this, huh, boss?

Maybe this is something worse

to worry about.

Okay, let's see if I've got this straight.

Our best stripper

is a reanimated corpse...

...who is feeding off the living flesh

of our customers...

...who in turn reanimate,

even if they're just a f***ing head?

You-- You don't see this as a problem?

This is what I think.

I see stripper dead.

And then I see her not so dead.

I see severed head,

and not so dead too.

But I also see not-so-dead

stripper strip. And shiznit, she--

How you say?

--knock them dead.

Or not so dead, as case may be.

So your f***ing point?

My point is lots of money.

I never see performance before

like tonight.

Nice boys out there never see

performance before like tonight.

So I think nice boys

tell more nice boys.

And soon, lots of nice boys

throwing money at us.

So that is why I say

not-so-dead nice boy in head form...

...maybe not so much problem.

His head easy to--

How you say?

--brush under carpet.

Head?

I see no head.

What head?

-You see head?

-Me?

Severed zombie head? Please.

This makes so much more sense now.

Good. All here.

What the f*** was that out there?

Yeah, she was amazing.

-What?

-Girls, we talk.

In the old country...

...I strip to buy bread and borsch.

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