Zombie Strippers! Page #4

This is getting way out of hand.

-Where's lan?

-Why?

What are you talking about?

-They're out.

-Who? Who's out?

Jesus, them!

-No!

-Oh, no! No!

Get out!

Open the door, lan, it's us.

Prove it!

Okay. Come on.

Come here.

Freeze!

Put the gun down, lan.

How do I know

that you're not one of them, huh?

-How do I know you're not one of them?

-Because zombie doesn't piss in pants.

You two, boys with toys...

...stop this foolish nonsense.

We must work together.

Right, right.

Hey, man, open the door.

-Who's there?

-Are you kidding me, pendejo gringo?

Just let him in.

Not cool.

How do we know

you're not one of them, huh?

-He's alive.

-Very alive.

-Now what?

-Okay.

-We need a plan.

-Yeah.

We'll destroy them.

No, wait. We join them.

No. Kill them

and everything they stand for.

No, join them. Destroy them.

F***! Why?

Why can't I decide?

Am I no longer human? Have I no soul?

This is all your fault, existential b*tch.

-Nothing like a good cat fight, huh?

-Yeah.

No.

Hey. You have more of those?

Are you kidding?

Okay, anyone know

how to use these things?

Well...

...something about the safety being off.

I saw that in a movie.

Hey, the law says I can own them,

not that I have to know how to use them.

Skank zombie whore-b*tch,

prepare to die.

Been there, done that, loser.

I hate you, corpse-zilla.

Oh, what's that, undead cellulite?

Too bad you couldn't reanimate

your personality.

I see your skin didn't get any worse.

Limbo bimbo.

Rotten slut.

-Can we at least have plan?

-Yeah, I got a f***ing plan.

Shoot everything that moves.

Hey, those guys-- Come on,

they could be shooting at us.

He's right. Yeah. We need to wear

something that shows we're alive.

Like badges.

Badges? Badges?

Yo, that's a good idea.

Maybe we should get some badges.

But what about the girls, huh?

They're good girls.

They're zombies.

No, they're strippers.

They're zombie strippers.

Come on, let's do it,

undead motherfuckers!

Why?

Goddamn!

Well, that sucked.

What the f*** was that about?

Reminds me of the old country.

-Oh, no, we lost Paco.

-F*** Paco.

This makes me sad.

Little Aztec warrior.

That really blew.

Come on, you guys,

we can do better than that, huh?

How about round two?

Oh, this is no good.

It's only a matter of time

before they find us.

Davis, hold me.

Hey, baby?

Maybe we should, you know, do it.

What? What happened to all that purity

you so needed of me?

Right now it seems

a little misguided, intrusive.

Maybe like denying the beauty of life...

...by adhering to repressive

and outdated religious dogma.

You mean,

you wanna get laid before you die.

-ls that such a crime?

-Unbelievable.

Oh, come on, baby.

I won't put it in all the way, I promise.

Get a life, loser.

-Blowj*b?

-No.

-Hand job, rim job?

-No. No.

-Anything?

-No.

-Dirty Sanchez?

-No.

-A to M?

-No.

-Angry Dragon?

-No.

-Foamy Chewbacca?

-No.

Where do you get this stuff?

The lnternet.

Listen.

I can't take this anymore.

You do me, slut.

No, no, no.

No.

Oh, no.

Pancho Villa.

Montezuma.

Cesar Chavez.

Cinco de Mayo.

Guacamole.

Adios, Maria.

Maria, Maria.

Goodbye, my friend Pepe.

I will miss you most.

You are a true friend.

It's Paco time.

Wait, wait.

The girls, you can talk to.

Gaia, please, look at me.

Look at my eyes.

And trust me.

Trust the voice

you are hearing from me right now.

Look into me.

Look into my eyes.

Oh, my God.

Do I suck or what?

All right.

-Who the f*** are you?

-D-Squad.

-Who the f*** are you?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, missy.

I'm just a little old nobody

who happens to own this place.

Thanks for ruining my shirt,

by the way.

Sorry about the mess.

Yeah, you take care now.

Wait, wait. You don't have to leave.

-Maybe we could work together, huh?

-Okay.

You take flank,

lay GR at full 10. Ready?

What are you waiting for?

I've got a better idea.

I'll hide...

...and you two kill...

...or whatever, the zombies.

Copy that. Wait here.

"Wait here." I can do that.

At last, I will taste victory...

...as I tear you apart

with my own two hands.

I have won.

No!

All I ever wanted

was to be the best at something.

Anything. Is that too much to ask?

Babe, you were the best.

Really? Well, thank you.

Thank you.

Sector 7, clear.

Wait a second.

Someone, please,

put her out of her misery.

Someone put me out of my misery.

I've got this.

Hey, boss.

Good idea.

We never gave you

a thank-you dance...

...for all that you've done for us.

You really don't have to. Really.

Herpes is one thing,

but zombie herpes?

Oh, God.

I know what you want.

Face dance.

Please, please. No, no, no!

-My turn.

-No, please, no.

Tracking him now.

Eyes are upon the world.

Repeat, eyes are upon the world.

No. Hey, we're alive.

-We're not one of them.

-Convince me. Say something human.

Oh, sh*t, couldn't you

give me something easier?

Okay, okay.

I think, therefore I am.

I think? Actually, I have

my doubts about that one.

-Not convinced.

-Okay, okay, okay.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Oh, f***, that's Klingon.

Oh, God, don't kill me.

I don't wanna die.

Please don't kill me.

I don't wanna die. Please.

Excuse me.

Mr. Army Man, Mrs. Army Person,

he's a little confused.

Missy, we've got a job to do.

So make it good,

in a deeply ontological way.

Funny, I just had a memory.

I'm in a field and I look down...

...and I see a single dandelion...

...growing from out of

what looks like cow manure.

And suddenly, a wind blows...

...and the wind is aswarm

with glistening florets...

...milk-blue in the afternoon sun.

Seeing such profound beauty...

...rise up from cow sh*t...

...I suddenly realise life is beautiful.

Wait.

What?

Search and destroy.

Recon sector Alpha, let's move!

Oh, Christ, what's that smell?

Oh, f***.

Shoot me, please.

Specimen secured.

Repeat, specimen secured.

All right, bag him.

No!

-We'll hand it over to Sl for testing.

-No.

No.

What it is, you are.

We got survivors.

All right, say something.

Wait a minute.

Hey, major.

You.

Me? What?

It was you.

You gave us that bunk intel

on the electromagnetic pulse.

You want us to fail.

That's right. I let the zombie virus out.

It took months of planning...

...but I was able to secure

a sample of the chemo virus.

And then effectively release it

into the laboratory's populace.

Don't you see? We like it

when things go tragically wrong.

We go out of our way to make sure

disaster hits magnificently.

Global warming is making us enough

money to make Solomon blush.

Iraq is making us enough money to

make God cream in his f***ing jeans.

But wait, just think,

if this zombie virus gets out...

...Iook out.

Hey, this is America.

We're fighting for the American way.

Oh, please, give me a break.

Dude, we've been sold a farm,

used and abused.

If you're smart, you realise this

and play ball and work for the Man.

Or else ignore it...

...and give in

with the rest of the walking dead.

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