Mr. Deeds Page #4

and you have your poetry.

What brings you to the big city?

Actually, I just inherited $40 billion.

Well, that's nice, but I think anything

over $30 billion is just gravy.

I like that.

Your hair is very blond and pretty.

I'm of Swedish ancestry.

- Really?

- Yes.

My grandfather was in ABBA.

ABBA, the band?

Excuse me,

do you get any famous people in here?

Famous, rich, powerful.

Really? We don't get

any famous people in Mandrake Falls.

Stephen King stopped by

our gas station one time...

...but everyone was too scared

to talk to him.

I'd imagine he'd be very spooky.

Jake, the gas station attendant,

made eye contact with him.

That night he lost 200 pounds.

Wow.

Your chicken parmesan

should be ready soon.

Okay, buddy. I saw a couple over there.

It's their anniversary.

Give them this.

Don't say it's from us, though.

This is like $20,000.

Tell them it was a restaurant giveaway

or something. Thanks, buddy.

That's an awfully nice way

to start spending your money.

- Is that who I think it is?

- Who?

Preston Blake's nephew,

the $40-billion man.

We have to meet him. Dave?

Gosh, I hope that mugger got home okay.

- Mr. Deeds.

- Yeah.

Mr. Simonds would like

to invite you to join his party.

Why is that?

Just to enjoy the pleasure of your company.

Wow, that's pretty cool of him.

That was a very nice hug, Deeds.

It's wicked nice of you to invite us over.

This is awesome.

- Have we met?

- Not unless you have a sick kid.

You're a very important man

in this town now, Mr. Deeds.

I don't know about that.

I sing at the Metropolitan Opera...

...and Blake Media contributes

So, on behalf of the opera:

"Thank you"

That was awesome!

You shouldn't thank me, though.

You should thank my great-uncle.

He was an interesting man.

I served on the board

of the Guggenheim with him.

Really? I'm not sure what that is,

but good luck with it.

I'd love to write a piece on you

for The New Yorker.

What's The New Yorker?

It's a magazine.

With essays, witty cartoons.

I read the Mandrake Falls Gazette

and they got some cartoons in there also.

You know who's a riot?

That Beetle Bailey guy.

He's always wearing his hat

and doing his thing.

But it is an honour to meet

a real writer like you, George.

I've been trying

to get my stuff published for years...

...but Hallmark is one tough cookie to crack.

- Hallmark?

- He writes greeting cards.

- I try.

- You must share one with us.

- I don't know about that, Mr. French.

- Who's Mr. French?

- Doesn't he look like Mr. French?

- I've never heard of him.

Come on.

All right, I'll give you one.

This is a Mother's Day card

I've been working on.

"Mom, you are the one

who brought me to planet Earth

"You are the one who suffered

through my 14-hour birth

"You're the one who made lemonade for me

after I'd come back from play

"I love you, Mom,

so have a wicked nice Mother's Day"

Something like that.

- An instant classic!

- "Genius, genius, genius"

Do you write your poems with a crayon?

It's amazing!

I see why you brought me here.

To goof on me, huh?

- Don't be silly, Deeds.

- Pipe down, George.

I may seem funny to you,

but if you came to Mandrake Falls...

...you might seem funny to us.

Only nobody would laugh at you...

...and make you feel stupid,

that wouldn't be good manners.

Maybe my poems aren't that great,

but I know some people who like them.

Anyways, it's the best I can do.

We're going to get going.

Sorry about that, Pam.

I hope I didn't embarrass you.

And if it wasn't for Miss Dawson being here,

I'd knock your heads in.

I don't mind.

Okay.

"No!"

I think I just shat myself.

How would you like to see the sights now?

I just need to powder my nose.

That would be great. I'll get your coat.

Hey, buddy, this will pay for everything

I damaged. Sorry about that.

- Good to meet you guys.

- Thank you.

God, that was good stuff.

I want a raise, Mac.

Hey, man! What's up?

Holy cannoli, you're John McEnroe!

I saw what you did to those guys

making fun of you. Nice work.

You know what it's like to get riled up

don't you, Johnny Mac?

- That I do.

- I'm Deeds, by the way.

Deeds, nice to meet you.

You got to let me buy you a drink.

Miss Dawson, this is John McEnroe.

- Miss Dawson, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, too.

I promised Miss Dawson

I'd take her sightseeing.

The sights are great.

I've seen the sights. I love the sights.

Let me show you a New York

most people will never see.

- That okay with you, Miss Dawson?

- Sounds like fun!

Here's to a big night on the town.

What happened?

Here are some aspirins, Mr. Deeds.

They make your head seem smaller.

- How did I get in these pyjamas?

- I changed you.

I was very gentle, sir.

I think I drank all the alcohol in Manhattan

last night.

And you nearly succeeded,

according to Miss Dawson.

Miss Dawson! I don't even remember

taking her home. Is she okay?

I took the liberty of sending her off

in the company limousine.

She was a lady in distress and I helped her.

Dreamt about her last night.

Usually, when you get blackout drunk

you don't dream.

So I read.

What's up, Chuck?

America's newest billionaire...

...stupid and drunk.

- What's this?

It was quite a night for Longfellow Deeds.

They'll know my name is Longfellow.

After punching out some society types...

... Deeds joined forces with the original

bad boy of tennis, John McEnroe.

And stupidity won in straight sets.

How'd they get that footage?

Watch out, Johnny!

What kind of driving is that?

You're a f***ing disgrace!

No, sir. You're a disgrace.

- We did it, man!

- Johnny McEnroe!

Look at Deedsy hanging out with McEnroe!

That's awesome!

I love the Beach Boys.

Here I go, here I go.

This is not the kind of attention

we need right now.

What do you mean?

For the moment

you're the largest stockholder...

...and people might think

any instability you show...

...may equal instability in the company.

My bad.

My bad. My bad.

Okay. Okay.

- My bad.

- Okay.

Shall I call your car, Mr. Cedar,

to take you to the funeral?

What funeral?

Your great-uncle's funeral.

- His funeral's today?

- Today, yes.

I'll go get my suit on.

- Cute, bigmouth.

- Sir?

As soon as that moron goes back

to Cowpie Falls...

...you are out of here

on your fat Puerto Rican ass.

I hail from Spain, sir.

Ol.

Now, Brother Preston is soaring

with eagles high above.

Because he lived a life of love.

Yes, he's flying way up high...

... because he was a super cool guy.

He's gone away, too soon, it seems...

... leaving behind his unfinished dreams.

This guy could make a fortune

writing greeting cards.

Yes, we remember Preston Blake...

... a man with faith no man could shake.

A strength no man could break.

A character no man could fake.

For goodness sake, let's eat some cake.

Amen.

Excuse me, Reverend,

that was a grand slam.

That part with soaring with the eagles

gave me goose bumps.

- Thank you, my brother.

- My friend got me a mug for my birthday.

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