Mr. Deeds Page #3

You want to give it a shot?

Nice.

You guys want to join us?

Make a weird noise.

That was a great time. Well, I'm tired.

I'd like to go to sleep.

- This way.

- Thank you very much. Good night.

Good night.

You just going to lie there

and let the Post take your story?

What's up, New York?

He had a water fountain in his room.

I love it.

He had a water fountain in his room.

I love it.

That's Hawaiian Punch.

He adored...

...Hawaiian Punch.

Wow! You kind of just snuck up on me.

I fear you're underestimating

the sneakiness.

I guess I was.

What are you doing down there?

I am assisting you with your sock change.

You'd change my socks for me?

You don't got to do that. Stand up.

Thank you.

Besides, you don't want

to have to touch my right foot.

I got wicked bad frostbite when I was

in the Scouts. Check it out.

Pretty messed up, huh?

The hideousness of that foot

will haunt my dreams forever.

Yeah, I've heard that before.

But the weird thing is

I got no feeling left in it.

So you could jump on it

and it wouldn't hurt me.

- Go ahead, jump on it.

- I'd really rather not, sir.

Please jump on my foot.

I didn't feel that.

What else you got? Get that

fireplace poker and whack my foot.

- Do I absolutely have to?

- It's going to be fun. Just grab it.

All my friends do this when they're wasted.

Come on.

Go ahead, give it a whack.

- Nothing.

- Really?

Isn't that sick?

Didn't feel that. Isn't that awesome?

Go ahead.

Nothing.

You're starting to like it, aren't you?

Chop that wood!

That's it!

You're sick! You're sick!

Why would you do that?

I'm just kidding you, pal.

- You had me going there.

- I saw your face, you were like...

I got to find out from Cedar and Anderson

what I'm supposed to do today.

So could you take that out of my foot?

I'm nailed to the ground.

There you go.

I must insist on absolute secrecy

regarding this discussion...

...till I've officially acquired

Mr. Blake's shares.

If that's acceptable,

then as far as I'm concerned...

...you've just bought 2,000 radio stations.

Good morning.

Deeds.

What's up?

Doing a little business.

This room's an echo room, too.

I'm sure you guys already knew that.

May I help you?

I just wanted to see

if there's anything I should do today.

I think we've got everything under control.

There's got to be something. Until I sign

those papers I own this place, right?

What?

Ladies and gentlemen,

pardon me a moment, please.

Of course.

What's up, buddy? I was dreaming

about Frosties all last night. You?

I tried to make my own at home,

but it wasn't the same.

Deeds.

Every stockholder, large and small,

has a say in the operation of this company.

They have this say

at the annual stockholders' meeting.

The other 364 days of the year,

the officers of the company, like me...

...run the show.

- You mean now that my uncle's gone.

Yeah, and it's not all fun and games.

This company is a player on so many levels

and in so many areas...

...that running it is literally

a 24-hour-a-day job.

I only got three hours of sleep last night.

Then it's actually a 21-hour-a-day job, huh?

Move it, lady.

I don't give a damn about no meeting.

Mr. Cedar, I am sorry...

I passed for 3,500 yards last season

and I ain't gonna touch a football...

...until you get off your fat, rich asses

and renegotiate my bullshit contract.

Easy with the language, buddy.

There are ladies present.

Shut the hell up, rich boy!

I want more money,

or you all can just suck my...

I warned you.

You went down like a sack of potatoes,

I'll tell you that much. Come on.

Come on, big man. Upsy-daisy.

Ladies and gentlemen, football!

What's the problem with your contract?

I figured if I played well,

I'd renegotiate and get more money.

If you didn't play well,

could we renegotiate and pay you less?

Sh*t, no!

I mean, no.

Doesn't seem fair to me.

- He led the League in touchdown passes.

- That's okay, Chuck. I got this one.

Listen, fellows, I want more money...

...or I ain't even gonna play another down.

Well, we'll have to let you go then.

- Let me go?

- Yeah, you're fired.

So can I sign with another team?

You can do anything.

I suggest you change your attitude...

...or nobody will want to work with you.

'Bye.

Deeds.

Kevin won the Heisman Trophy

two years ago. He is our best player.

- Don't worry, he'll be back.

- Biggest mistake of your lives!

This thing is cool.

Why don't you get out and enjoy the city?

Everything's fine here. Take that with you.

I'll leave it here. That's all right.

But call me if you need me.

- Absolutely.

- Thanks. Love you, Anderson.

All you guys, I noticed you were French.

The opposite of bonjour to you.

You look so hot as a blond.

It's not too streaky?

I feel like he did it really streaky.

I love it, but let me go undercover.

This could get dangerous.

He said he likes ladies in distress,

not men who wear too much cologne.

- There he is.

- Thanks for the tour.

- You're welcome.

- Hidden cameras on, ready? Molest me.

- Molest me!

- You got it!

- God, help!

- Give it to me.

- Help, I'm being mugged!

- All right!

Help! Help! I'm being mugged!

- Stop it!

- Good luck. See you at the office.

- Don't worry, I'll get him.

- Oh, sh*t!

Stop right there.

Come on!

What's your problem, pal?

Come up here.

Got your pocketbook. Get a job, pal.

Miss! Miss!

- Are you okay?

- What happened?

Let me help you up.

All right, now. All right.

Ma'am, you were just the victim

of a New York City mugger.

As I suspected,

he was a coward and a weakling.

And also wore more cologne

than any man should wear.

- I got this back for you, though.

- Thank you.

- Can I take you to the hospital?

- No, no.

I'll be all right.

I just feel a little dizzy and violated.

I'm fine.

Please, let me take you

to the emergency room.

I'm sure I'll be all right. I just need to...

...perhaps walk it off or...

- Could you?

- Sure.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

My name is Pam. Pam Dawson.

My name is Deeds. I'm not from here.

I'm just visiting.

Where do you hail from?

Mandrake Falls, New Hampshire.

Just a little town nobody's ever heard of.

I'm from a little town like that.

- In lowa.

- Is that right? What part?

Winchestertonfieldville.

Yes, the small town

of Winchestertonfieldville, lowa.

I'm sorry.

- What are you doing in New York?

- I'm a school nurse.

- There's no way you're a school nurse.

- Why, don't you believe me?

You're too nice to be a school nurse.

My school nurse was so mean,

every time I'd tell her I had a tummy ache...

...she'd send me back to my class

and say, "Stop whining."

- But that's awful!

- Well, I said it every day.

I missed my mother.

That's sweet.

Miss Dawson?

How would you like to maybe go out...

...and have a New York City dinner with me?

Golly.

That sounds wonderful.

- It does?

- Yeah.

- Let's do it, then.

- Okay.

Damn you, Old Spice.

So you run this pizza place

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