Mr. Deeds Page #2

Would you hold this for a second?

Mr. Wetherley. How you doing, pal?

Very well, Deeds.

Just going to the pharmacy.

Well, let me get you there a little quicker.

- How's your wife?

- She's fine.

- Terrific. Say hi for me.

- I will.

Okay. Here you go.

- Thanks for the lift, Deeds.

- You got it.

We need you to come back to New York

with us. Just for a few days.

We're drawing up some papers

you'll need to sign.

What kind of papers?

Technically, you've inherited

Chuck and I, along with

some of the partners, will buy that stock...

...for $40 billion,

which we've had to borrow from various...

Who cares about

the financial mumbo jumbo?

We need a little time

to dot the t's and cross the i's.

And while we're doing that,

we need you to stay away from the press.

The media frenzy will die down

in a couple weeks but until then...

You don't want reporters crawling

all over this lovely little town, do you?

Oh, no!

- Crazy Eyes!

- What?

How you doing, pal?

I got your pizza, just the way you like it.

Oh, yes!

French fries and Oreos.

You know me all too well, Deeds.

What are you in for?

I'm doing a one-nighter

for biting Ed the mailman.

The guy was trying to cast a spell on me,

like a wizard.

- Are you sure about that?

- I don't know. Maybe he was just waving.

- Who are your friends?

- This is Chuck and Cecil from New York.

I don't like them.

Okay. Nice seeing you.

I've never been to New York before.

I suppose I could check out the sights.

- Give me an hour to pack, okay?

- You got it.

I'll be the first guy to leave here since

Jimmy McNally went to Disney World.

See you later, everybody!

Tomorrow is "Kids Eat For Free" Day.

Don't forget to clean the highchairs.

Don't worry, I'll take care of everything.

- Go, have a good time!

- I'll miss you.

'Bye, Jan. Smell you later, Murph.

- Give us a card!

- Yeah!

"On my way to the big city

for a business trip

"Never, ever left Mandrake Falls before

Ain't that a pip?

"But while I'm gone

I know I'll miss you all a lot"

"So bring your rich butt back here

and buy us all a shot"

You got it, pal!

Take it easy.

The biggest story of the year

and we've got nothing?

Do you want to be tabloid journalists?

Because I don't think so.

You've got to be ruthless.

When I started out...

...I slept in Tom and Roseanne's dumpster

for two days...

...disguised as a giant carton of ice cream.

- I got it!

My source at Blake says

the company helicopter...

...took off from there this afternoon

with two male passengers aboard...

...headed for Mandrake Falls.

- Where?

Some little hick-ass town in New Hampshire.

But now they're on their way back

with three male passengers.

- That's one more!

- Duh!

That third guy's our heir. Nice work, Marty.

They were supposed to arrive

at Blake Media at 5:00.

But they made an unscheduled stop

in Connecticut.

I'm so happy I got the Big Bacon Classic.

Thanks for stopping. This is unbelievable.

- Happy to do it.

- How's that Frosty treating you, Cecil?

You got some on your beard.

I'm just kidding.

I got him big time, man.

I'm going on the air in two hours' time.

And I want that guy's life story by then.

I'm talking to you, Jim.

And I'm also talking to you, Babe. Babe?

Where the hell's Babe?

You missed another staff meeting.

Mac's pissed.

He won't be pissed

when I crack this Blake story.

- What do you got?

- Nothing. Do you have anything?

I'll have a lot more in a few hours.

You got to be a pal.

I need this story.

I'm flat broke and Mac is going to fire me.

How're you flat broke?

You make more money than anyone here.

- What did you blow it on?

- Shoes.

I'll tell you everything I know

over lunch tomorrow...

...as long as your club promoter boyfriend...

...doesn't try to run me over

with his motorcycle again.

You're safe there.

Ken and I are kind of taking a break.

Really? So he moved out?

Babe, what are you staying here for?

I have a spare bedroom.

We tried that once, remember?

I woke up and you were standing

over my bed, breathing heavily.

I was having an asthma attack.

I couldn't find my puffer.

Easy, fellows.

The Biggie Fries are making a comeback.

You guys football fans? The Pats

could take the conference this year.

The Dolphins are overrated

and the Jets are choke artists.

I wouldn't say that, Mr. Deeds.

- Just Deeds. Why is that, though?

- You own the Jets, Deeds.

I do?

That sucks.

I hope they don't play the Pats

in the playoffs or I'll have to kill myself.

I'm still very worried about this.

What do you got in that pipe, hashish?

You're paranoid.

- This guy's perfect for us.

- What if he won't sell us his shares?

If I got Blake to trust me with his company...

...I can get this moron to do the same.

Look at him.

...I can get this moron to do the same.

Look at him.

That's right, Anderson.

Enough!

Party pooper.

Holy cow!

What's up, New York?

It's an honour to come

to the greatest city in the world!

Congratulations, Deeds, you're now

the most eligible bachelor in New York.

I don't want to meet a girl

just because I'm wicked rich.

That's nice, but let's see

how you stick to your guns...

...once you've paid a visit to one

of our many fine gentlemen's clubs.

What?

My father saved my mother.

She was figure skating

and fell through the ice.

I always thought I'd meet

a girl the same way. Bullspit like that.

Then I'll just keep a lookout

for ladies in distress, as it were.

- That'd be nice.

- Hey, Mandrake Falls!

Security, stop that guy!

Stop! Come back!

He'll get $100,000 for the picture.

It'll be on the news in an hour.

He deserves it with those

James Bond moves he just pulled.

No, he deserves to get his throat cut,

the filthy spy. Come on, let's go.

So this is where my uncle lived?

Yes, sir. For the last 35 years

of his astonishing life.

- You kind of snuck up on me there.

- I am very, very sneaky, sir.

I see that. My name is Deeds.

I am Emilio, sir. I am your servant.

Servant? I don't want a servant,

but if you want to be my friend, I'll take that.

Friends.

Yes, good friends.

Would you like to go to your apartment?

I'm sure it's been an exhausting day.

- That okay with you, Chuck?

- You'll be safe there.

It'll take us a couple days

to draw up the papers for you to sign.

- Go make yourself at home.

- Terrific.

- Later.

- I will be with you shortly, sir.

You got it. Nice to meet you. I'm Deeds.

- I'm Reuben, sir.

- This is a wicked nice elevator.

Keep an eye on him, Emilio.

Or it's your ass.

It's nice to see you too, sir.

So how's the elevator business

treating you, Reuben?

It has its ups and downs.

All right! All right!

That was good.

Jeesum crow,

how'd you get down here so fast?

Sneaky-sneaky, sir. Right this way.

Wow.

Wow.

Is something the matter, sir?

- That's an echo, sir.

- Yeah, you try it.

- Me, sir?

- It's a lot of fun.

Come on, you can do it louder than that.

- Serious.

- Thank you, sir.

Hey, buddy, how you doing?

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