$9.99
Taxi!
Taxi!
Excuse me,
do you have a light?
And an extra cigarette?
Thanks.
There's nothing
like a morning cigarette.
Coffee and cigarette.
You wouldn't believe
this dream I had.
I dreamt I was back home
with the missus,
and I'm sitting
in the kitchen next to her...
Taxi!
...drinking my coffee,
smoking a cigarette.
And the missus says,
"Bunny, why don't you
stay home from work today,
and we'll be together,
just the two of us, like this?"
She's not alive anymore, but...
...a coffee would be nice,
just like in the dream.
Oh...
Listen...
You can have all my money.
- I only have 50...
- Hey!
If it's not enough,
I'll go with you to an ATM,
but please don't kill me.
- I have two children.
- Man, relax.
I was just gonna ask you
for a buck for coffee.
I wasn't robbing you.
This isn't even mine.
Oh.
So, may I ask whose it is?
I don't know.
I found it under my cardboard
this morning.
You scared the sh*t out of me.
So... how about it, Sir?
Would you give me a buck
for a cup of coffee?
Oh, so, that's your drill.
You scare the sh*t out of people,
and then they're so grateful
you're not really robbing them
that they give you the money.
Mate, you got it all wrong.
Wrong, huh?
So, why the hell
did you take that gun?
Actually, I thought to myself
I'd ask the first person I saw
for a coffee and a cigarette.
And if that person said no?
Then, I might as well
join the missus.
- So, how about that coffee?
- Or what?
You'll shoot yourself?
You know, in my field,
you see a lot of manipulation.
But you?
- You're the king!
- Is that a yes?
What you're doing here is completely,
I mean, completely, unfair.
If you have to shoot yourself,
it's tragic, but...
...it has nothing to do with me.
You hear?
I'm not responsible.
You're absolutely right.
Here's what we're gonna do...
You're gonna put the gun down
and ask for that buck
like a normal...
...homeless person,
and I'll answer what I answer
with no connection to your situation
or this gun or anything else.
- Okay.
- Okay, what?
Would you...
...please... give me a dollar
for a cup of coffee?
I'm sorry.
If I give you the money,
I'll feel manipulated.
I'm just gonna go now, okay?
Okay.
Maybe tomorrow.
Thank you, anyway.
You're welcome.
This city!
Everybody is crazy!
I swear to God!
W-what's all this blood?
Are you okay?
What are you doing here?
I was cleaning the waffle maker.
What happened to the interview?
I didn't get the job.
Dave!
They said I didn't have
the necessary experience.
Is that your blood?
How much experience
do you need for telemarketing?
That's what they said.
- And what did you say?
- Thank you, anyway.
Thank you, anyway?
Didn't I tell you
that nice guys always finish last?
So... whose blood is this?
A nice guy.
I don't know his name.
I have to get to work, Dave.
Do you feel like walking me out?
Passive-aggressive!
What's not to understand?
Dad, I'm sorry about the interview.
Well, what does it even mean?
Passive,
as in "even if I live to be 100,
I'll never wash a cup."
And aggressive, as in
"I'd rather eat my own nuts
than have dinner with your parents."
Oh, the mouth on her!
She reminds me of your mother.
I really think
you should ask your brother
to put in a good word with his boss.
It just seems so embarrassing
going into peoples' homes,
taking their stuff.
You're talking
as if he's a burglar, Dave.
Repossessing is a respectable job.
Yes, still...
- Well, just think about it.
- Okay.
And, in the meantime,
I'll go over the mail, vacuum,
and cook us dinner.
How do crpes
with cream and truffles sound?
Great.
I will need 10 bucks
for truffle shavings, though.
I didn't know that truffles shaved.
Nice move!
Thank you.
Have you ever wondered,
"What's the meaning of life?
Why do we exist?"
The answer to this vexing question
is now within your reach!
You'll find it
in a small, amazing booklet,
which will explain
in easy to follow, simple terms
your reason for being!
Don't patronize me!
The booklet,
printed on the finest paper,
contains illuminating,
exquisite color pictures
and can be yours
for a mere $9.99.
I'm not screaming!
Yes, you are.
I'm not!
I'm just talking very loud.
I don't get it.
No, no.
You said you're willing to marry me.
It's not that I'm against it.
I just... don't think
that it's important.
Marriage isn't important.
A baby isn't important.
A career isn't important.
What goes on in the world
isn't important.
What is important?
Marriage, kids...
Listen to yourself.
You sound like an old maid.
Ron, I am an old maid.
We don't all manage to stay 15.
Are you all right?
Yes. Why?
You've been crying.
No, it's just allergies.
I know how it is.
I have a lot of those,
especially to cats.
Not the cats themselves...
their hair, actually.
Not even their hair,
but the saliva on their hair.
It's a shame, because I
would really like to have one.
They're so cuddly.
You are crying.
Here, have a cookie.
Soccer Jack
passes from the left...
Let me help you.
I'm fine, thank you.
Hi, Dave.
Would you like a cookie?
Oh, sorry, Mr. Kweller.
I have to run to the Post Office.
So, have one for the road.
They're very good.
Thanks.
You know, I once had a cousin
who worked for the Post Office.
- He wasn't exactly my cousin...
- I'm sorry.
Maybe you can tell me
about your cousin some other time.
And that's the thing.
He wasn't really my cousin.
His grandmother
and my grandmother were sisters.
I'll have... two Sub-Zero
Mocha-Blizzard Extravaganzas,
one Coke,
and two of your Gigantic Chunky
Chocolate-Chip Surprises.
- Sure, no problem.
- Take away.
Do you want one?
They're gigantic.
$8.50 please. Thank you very much.
Can I have one more
of your Mega, Super-Sweet
Teary-Eyed Smiles?
They are really great.
Look, you seem really
nice, for a repossessor... Lenny,
but I'd rather be alone.
Why, because I'm a repossessor?
Come on.
We're not that bad.
We're just like Robin Hood,
only in reverse.
What's your name?
Sorry.
Good morning. What can I get you?
- Good morning.
- An unplanned child?
Oh, no, not him.
Mr. Kweller!
Hey, how are you doing?
Ah, you're the Pecks' boy!
I just saw your brother...
Now, Mr. Kweller,
have you met my fiance?
What did you say your name was?
Actually, we have met.
I saw her in the lift earlier.
She was crying.
Yeah, she's very emotional.
Sometimes I think
we're not gonna make it.
Are you leaving, too?
I must. Duty honks.
Say hello to your parents for me.
Sorry. I mean, to your father.
There's no need
to apologize, Mr. Kweller.
You're not the one
Mom ran away with.
- Lenny!
- Yes, Sir.
Look at him go! Pure lightning!
He turns into a... goal!
Zacky, I got you something.
Soccer Jack?!
No, not Soccer Jack,
but I'll tell you what we'll do.
Each time you finish your milk,
I'll give you 50 cents
to put in this piggy bank.
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"$9.99" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/$9.99_1473>.
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