$9.99 Page #2

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And when it's full of coins,

you'll get your what's-his-name

action figure.

Is it a deal?

I know you're disappointed now,

but I'm doing it for your sake.

How come?

Because in life,

you don't always get what you want.

You have to work hard for it.

Kids who don't learn that

grow up to be criminals

because they're used

to getting everything the easy way.

But remember, if you throw up...

...no money.

Congrats! Who's the lucky b*tch?

Easy, Bisley.

Don't insult the man.

Why insult?

I meant a hot b*tch.

Where?

So, when's the wedding?

No wedding. She just left.

Even better.

Just say the word,

and Drazan here

will arrange for three surfer babes

who will get in line to blow you.

Who are you?

Who am I?

Did you hear that, Stanton?

Tell the man who I am.

- Why, he's Bisley.

- Who?

King of Banana Beach.

I'm Scuba Stanton.

And this is Drazan.

We go to Uni with him.

Do you mind

not smoking in here?

Michelle's allergic.

Who the f*** is Michelle?

My fiance.

Not anymore.

Hey, can I see the ring?

Thanks.

Whoop! Hup!

Isn't she beautiful?

You really love her.

Hey, Drazan... give it here!

Yup!

Bisley 1, b*tch ex-girlfriend: 0!

What the f*** are you doing?

What's eating you?

Pick up that glass now!

Or what, Lover Boy?

Relax, man. He didn't mean it.

I don't care.

He broke it, he'll pick it up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I say let the cards decide.

Four rounds of poker.

If the big guy wins,

you make like a cleaning lady

and pick up the glass.

- And if I win?

- We'll think of something.

Hmm.

The Pecks' world-famous

crpe with cream and...

And?

And I spoke with Lenny

about the job.

That's great news.

They have a repossession

in our building tomorrow.

His boss said I can try out.

Wow, the Peck boys

riding together.

I'm telling you,

if I were 20 years younger,

I would quit my job

and come work with you.

Imagine, the three of us

in a van together.

- Well, it's only a try-out.

- I'm sure you'll do great, partner.

I ordered this book today,

about the meaning of life.

- The catalogue says...

- How much was it?

$9.99

- That's pretty cheap for nothing.

- You haven't even read it.

And I thought your mom

was the only one in the world

who believed in those catalogues.

And look where it got her.

Where?

I don't know.

You'd think she'd

at least send a postcard.

Ah, it's from the Gas Company.

Hello.

Good day.

I'm calling

for Quick-Pulse Surveys.

Do you have time

to answer a few questions?

Quick-Pulse?

That's a beautiful name.

Thank you, Sir.

Albert.

My name is Albert Kweller.

Okay.

Mr. Kweller,

how often do you travel?

Overseas or domestic?

Either.

Oh, I'm sorry,

I'm not much of a traveler.

The last time I left home

was 41 years ago.

Are the rest of your questions

about traveling, too?

I'm afraid so.

My wife

could have answered all of them.

She really loved traveling

and hiking and dancing.

Me... I can't hold a rhythm...

But my wife... well, you

should have seen her dance!

You can't, of course.

She died.

Hit by a tram.

The driver cried like a baby.

They took his tram license

off him for life.

Well, not that it matters...

They don't use trams anymore.

Well... I'm sorry

to have bothered you.

No, no.

You didn't bother me.

I really liked talking to you.

I'm a jerk, I'm a jerk, I'm a jerk.

Another round?

No more cards.

I meant beer.

Check out the hot chick on TV!

First Bank.

When it comes to banks, think First,

because life doesn't give you

a second chance.

Put the gun down!

No, don't!

I'm sorry.

I thought you were asleep.

I was.

- I had a bad dream.

- What did you dream about?

Bad things.

Enough of those

to go around lately.

Good night, son.

Dad...

Don't you ever ask yourself...

- ...about life?

- You're a good boy, Dave.

You have a big day tomorrow.

Sleep tight.

As we're nearing

the end of our broadcast,

I'd like to leave you

with this message...

Speak, and the Lord will listen.

Open your heart

and pray to the Lord,

and He will answer your prayers.

You're listening

to G OD Radio, 91.6 FM.

Good night, and God Bless.

May I? It's very windy

in your stairwell.

I think I'm getting bronchitis again.

Please come in.

Can I get you something warm?

Yeah, a 12-ounce, medium-rare

steak with chips and salad.

Or a tea.

I have Earl Grey,

peach, chamomile...

Whichever, as long as it's hot.

- Hey!

- Sorry.

Are you an angel?

No. I'm a giant talking pigeon.

Is there a God?

Is there a God?

Are you one of those atheist,

nihilistic, good-for-nothing,

left-wing Communists?

God, no!

I was just very curious about Him.

Is He tall?

I had a vision once...

Tea first, visions later.

I'm dying here.

Ron? Hi. It's me.

It's really early.

I guess you're sleeping.

I'm not.

Call me.

Bye.

Message deleted.

And there are

no poor people in heaven?

Poor people?

Everyone in heaven has a limo.

And who drives their limos?

All sorts of people.

Especially foreigners without visas.

And the houses?

How do the houses look?

Have you ever been

to the Sunshine Coast?

No.

Well, you must.

It's something else.

And heaven?

Exactly like the Sunshine Coast.

To be honest,

that's a bit disappointing.

That's because

you've never been there.

And the people?

Are they lonely?

It's a real shame

you don't have doughnuts.

The cookies aren't tasty?

Tasty?

Tasty?

It's not a matter of taste.

It's a matter of volume.

Do you want me

to go get doughnuts?

No, I wouldn't

want to impose. I'll go.

Would you happen to have 5 bucks?

Maybe 10.

I'll get cigarettes, too.

And you'll be right back?

- So help me God.

- When will you be back?

In a while.

I have some errands to run.

Good deeds and such?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Next time you try

to pull off something like this,

I'll see to it that you get fired.

Come on, Sammy.

The man was blind.

How could I take his TV?

F*** him! He's blind!

He doesn't need a TV.

Okay, man. My mistake.

Lenny, if you want

to be a professional...

Okay, I got it.

- You know what your problem is?

- Hi, Lenny.

Who the f*** are you?

It's my brother.

You said he could come

try out with us today.

- Hi. I'm Dave.

- Did I say that?

Now, where does this loser live?

I hope

it's not someone we know.

Hey, do you know

where Marcus Portman lives?

Do you have a light?

- And a cigarette?

- Huh?

Give me a cigarette,

and I'll tell you where he lives.

And if I didn't have cigarettes,

you wouldn't tell me?

Wow, you're the sharpest tool

in the shed!

- Menthol? What are you? A woman?

- Give it back!

Hey, hey, chill out, Sammy.

It's not worth it.

Yeah, Fatso.

Listen to your friend.

Hey, kid, do you have

a real cigarette?

Sorry.

Next time we meet,

it'll be in your living room.

I'll repossess stuff

you didn't even know you had.

I'll peel off your bathroom's ceramic,

tile by tile, you hear?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, look, Sammy.

Portman, 6B.

Who is it?

Sh*t, it's like smoking

chewing gum.

- Am I right?

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