10 Items or Less Page #3

This is a fix.

It's a-- it's a wardrobe change.

Don't worry about it.

What time was th-- the thing?

Who's it with?

Who--

What are we auditioning for?

And how am I supposed

to get you home?

F*** that. That's later.

What time's the thing?

At 4:
00.

We got to get out of here,

'cause we got time to stop and--

Come on, come on, come on!

Let's hit it.

Okay, now, this is what,

this interview?

It's--

It's stupid.

Aw, come on now.

I don't know.

Secretary.

Perfect.

Office secretary.

Perfect.

It's, I don't know,

construction company or something.

That's perfect.

That's-- You're perfect for it.

You don't even know me.

Let me tell you something.

I may not know my phone number.

I might not even know

what f***ing day it is,

but I know people.

I mean, the minute I see somebody,

I know how to cast them.

I see the role.

Don't you do that? Hmm?

The minute I laid eyes on you,

I said to myself,

D.A.'s office, E.R. intern,

office manager.

Secretary.

Same thing, better billing.

I mean, I saw you four steps ahead

of everybody else in that supermarket.

I saw you holding down

the work of three people

because you know you're better

than everybody else.

Am I right? Huh? Huh?

So what's a secretary but somebody

who does the work of three people

while some other schlub

gets the credit?

You know where

we're headed here?

No.

Then shouldn't we stop and...

maybe ask for directions somewhere?

No directions.

No directions.

I never ask for directions, okay?

Ah, see?

Perfect character choice.

Self-sufficiency.

Rely on no one.

You remember

where you got this blouse?

Uh...

No. S.

Well, yes or no?

Quick.

S, I think so.

Okay, take us there.

Okay.

And don't stop for lights.

We got sh*t to do.

Let's get to work.

Okay.

This is amazing.

It's Target.

Fantastic.

Target team member to home furnishings.

Target team member

to home furnishings, please.

May I have a Target team member

in infant wear.

Please, a Target team member

in infant wear.

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Tch. Oh, no.

Look at these prices!

Yeah.

How can they afford to do this?

I have to tell the office

about this place.

Hmm. It's a well-kept secret.

Ah!

What?

Designer t-shirts, eight dollars?

Do you know what this cost?

Huh?

You-- How much

do you think this cost?

Oh, it's La Perla maxi-blend, right?

I'd say 80.

A hundred.

Oh.

A hundred.

Oh, that's pathetic.

You paid a hundred dollars

for a t-shirt.

Oh, God, no.

Not me.

Wardrobe department,

the last movie I was on.

I get all my underwear

through them.

But let me show you

what you're paying for.

What?

Clint Eastwood taught me this.

See how the shirt cuffs right there

at the middle of the muscle?

Look at that.

Huh, see?

Mm.

Makes me look 30, doesn't it?

Huh? Taller?

Why is it you people make all the money

and work so hard not to spend it?

Well, that's the game.

I haven't shopped retail in years.

You have to learn these things

when you're younger.

Oh, my God.

Look at the thread count on these.

- Magic Cloths two-pack for $21.99.

We're gonna go ahead

and give you the second one for free.

Like I said,

that's our standard package.

And until we run out of these mops,

just let me know right now--

and I know you want one

and you want one too--

we're gonna go ahead and give

you that mop and that package

absolutely free today as a bonus gift.

So, like I said, "buy one, get one"

is our standard package

until we run out of the mops.

Just let me know right now.

And I know you want one.

Here, we're gonna go ahead

and give you that mop.

Mm-mm, no.

Mm-mm.

Mm, no, no, no.

What?

The blue was working for you.

Don't throw the baby out

with the bath water.

What is wrong with this?

Everything.

All right, forget the color.

Look at the shoulder construction.

You don't need help like that.

You've got fantastic shoulders.

You go in there with this,

you'll look like a linebacker.

You're too young

to remember that picture.

Spent months trying to make me

look like a sister.

You think I can

buy off the rack?

Hell, no.

Couldn't even squeeze

myself into a 14.

We had to do some

very careful work.

By the time we were done,

even the grips wanted to do me.

Here. Try this on.

Mm-hmm.

Damn.

Oh, that is wonderful.

Wonderful.

Oh, the Mizrahi.

Very tasty.

Mm, might want to shorten

the waist just a little.

Mm-hmm.

Dynamite. Dynamite.

Look at you ladies.

You're gonna get some

tonight, for sure.

Is there anyone you don't talk to?

Why? I engage people.

I'm a connector.

Human interaction,

it's the spice of life.

Pardon me, Tracey?

Mm?

That's my daughter's name.

Imagine that.

Same name as my daughter.

I bet they spelled it

wrong too, didn't they?

They forgot the E.

Well, Tracey with an E...

What pretty eyes.

Where could we find

the cosmetics department?

Oh! No, no, no, no, no.

Now, now, a little schmutz

isn't gonna hurt.

Pick up those eyes

a little bit, hmm?

Where?

On the left, just past

the auto parts.

Thank you.

I-I just love Barbershop.

So did I.

Now let's go raid the testers.

It's been years since I bought

new makeup for my wife.

And the rest of this.

Hmm?

How you plan on paying?

Go ahead and say it.

Thank you, Diner's Club.

Once more.

Thank you, Diner's Club.

Good!

Oh...

What time is it?

Never mind. Never mind.

We're okay.

We'll have to do something here.

This is no good.

This is terrible.

What?

We can't pull up

to an audition looking like--

Interview.

Same pitch, better billing.

No, you've got to make

an impression.

You pull up, you're on the runway

before you can put it in park.

Oh, this is no good.

This is filthy.

It's a car.

It's your entrance.

Look, offices have windows.

Windows.

They see you coming,

that's it; you're on.

Now, you cannot

take the stage half-cocked.

We've got to get this to wardrobe.

Open up. Open up.

Come on.

Which one's yours?

That one's mine.

I mean, I'm with that one.

I got it.

I got it this time.

I got it.

All right.

Good job.

Thank you.

Come on.

Venga.

Oh, que bella.

It's me. Jody.

Aww...

Thank you.

It fits.

All right!

Look at us.

Now we're ready,

Ms. Construction Office Manager.

How are you doing?

How does it look?

You want to puke.

Yep.

Perfect.

No, really.

It's perfect.

That's exactly how you should

be feeling at this point.

What the f*** am I thinking, huh?

What?

I've never seen the other side

of the checkout stand.

So what?

I've never had a job where

you're even allowed to sit down.

What are you--

What did you say you were, 25?

I was 30 before I got

my first picture.

You're way ahead of the curve.

Nothing but time.

Whole life ahead of you.

So let it start now.

Listen, listen, now.

We can nail this thing.

Just got to get you focused.

Let's run it.

Okay? You want to run it?

The scene, the-- the thing.

We'll just knock it around.

Put it up on its feet.

All right?

You be you.

I'll be whoever.

Well, the guy, the meeting.

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