1941 Page #4

- All right.

You shouldn't touch

the ordnance at all.

But more specifically, you should

never pull this hand-operating lever...

- To the rear.

- Never.

Do not push a clip of ammunition

down into the feed rollers here.

- You would never put the ammunition-

- No, sir. Never.

You never restore

this lever to firing position.

Do not make sure that this cover

is completely closed.

Never depress operator's

foot triggers here, here...

- And at the rear here.

- Never.

If an ordinary Joe

like me...

went to one of those

fancy USO dances...

...and he saw an awful pretty

girl like you, and-

And he wanted to ask her

to dance...

- You think maybe she'd, uh, say, uh-

- Yes?

- Yeah.

Don't listen

to that jerk!

You!

- You!

- You.

You... Have a really

serious wardrobe problem, kid.

It's isn't fair!

No! No!

Put me down! No! No!

No, no, no, no, no!

I'm gonna be there at 8:00 in front of

the Crystal Ballroom. I'll meet you there!

- No, you won't!

- Yes, I will!

No, you won't.

Holly... wood-

- Hollywood.

Hollywood-

Tsk.

Pinewood.

Cheese!

- Cheese!

- Okay.

Bring on your tough hoss...

You never had one...

That would set me

to guessin' or-

Bother me none...

You've got that right

That's one thing I can do...

Says I got one

That's a bad one to bust...

He's been throwin' good riders

He's- Whoa!

Hey!

Well, it's kind of skinny

around the bottom, but what the heck.

Well, I'll be doggoned.

Where'd you little bastards

come from?

Thought you could hide

from old Holly, didn't ya?

Doggone it.

You get smaller every year.

Oh, shoot!

Fire, fire, fire!

Now, that's a nice one

right there.

Yes, sir, that one there.

I'm gonna have to

try that again.

Whoa! Jesus palomino!

Walkin' trees!

Holly... wood.

Hollywood.

Hollywood!

Banzai! Banzai!

Uh-huh. I'm lost.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Oooh!

- Huh?

Oh.

Ah.

The stars at night

are big and bright...

Deep in

the heart of Texas...

Starved.

Can opener!

Ha-ha! Ho-ho!

Ha-ha!

Does that gun work?

You ain't gonna shoot nobody,

are ya?

You ought to get some oil on that thing.

You shouldn't leave it settin' out.

- Down there?

What is it? A Winchester?

That's what I got,

a Winchester.

Lever action,

shoots like a house on fire.

You ought to try to pick one up-

Don't go stepping on me.

Ought to try to pick one up

while you're over here.

Damn good gun.

Ah!

You sneaky little bastards ain't

gettin' doodily sh*t outta me...

...except maybe my name, rank

and social security number.

Wood, Hollis P.

Lumberjack.

Social security:
1-0-6...

4-3... 2-1-8-5.

Where Hollywood?

- Right here.

- What?

You're lookin' at him.

- Who?

- Hollis Wood.

Where?

I'm right here. Shoot.

Can't ya understand plain English?

- Hollywood?

- Huh?

- Where?

- Here!

Look. Where Hollywood?

North? South?

Oh. You want me to tell you

where Hollywood is.

Well, shoot. That's easy.

Hollywood is right-

Oh, no, you don't.

You thought you was gonna get me to show

you where Hollywood was, didn't ya?

Tried to sneak up on me

like ya did Pearl Harbor!

Bet you're gonna bomb

John Wayne's house, ain't ya?

- John Wayne-o?

- I knew it!

I knew it. I ain't gonna tell ya

one stinkin' thing.

You can torture me,

do anything you want to.

Jesus palomino.

A Nazi!

I knew it!

You're all in cahoots!

Let me tell you something,

Mr. Heinie Kraut...

I fought your kind

in the great war.

And we kicked

the livin' sh*t outta ya.

Over there, over there...

Send the word

Send the word over there...

- That the Yanks are comin'

The Huns are runnin'

Hey! What do ya go

tearin' up my radio for?

What's the big idea?

All right. Go ahead

and search me if you want to.

One genuine American

jackrabbit foot.

One authentic early American

hari-kari knife.

Pass it around, boys. Maybe

somebody's got a use for it.

One ten-cent box

of delicious...

...nutritious,

caramel-coated Popperjacks.

Doggone it,

this is my stuff.

Compass.

Banzai, my balls-

Let's see you try and find

Hollywood now, you scrawny little-

- Hey, boy, watch that knife.

Prune juice.

Oh, no, you don't! Aah!

Oh, boy, rides!

- It'll be okay. Don't worry.

- I don't know, Angelo.

- What if my nose bleeds?

- Use a handkerchief.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. A ferris wheel.

I love ferris wheels.

Do we get to ride this all night?

Just to the end

of the shift.

We don't have to pay for this, do we?

We're working for the government now.

Don't worry, Herb.

You don't pay for nothin'.

...ls that where

you turn it on?

I always wanted to work

one of these babies.

"Warning:
Do not...

...turn on switch."

Ow! Hey!

Don't touch that.

These are the master control switches.

You fool around with them,

you turn on the whole amusement park.

- I love ferris wheels.

- Relax, Claude. Everything's gonna be all right.

Here's what you gotta do.

If you hear or see any airplanes,

you pick up the phone...

...you yell, "Army flash!"

- You got a direct line to the lnterceptor Command.

- Hey!

Then you tell them exactly

what ya saw and where. Here.

You know my problem with heights. I

don't want to be stuck up there with him.

Jesus Christ, Angelo.

They gave him a gun.

Don't worry. He got a license.

He's an expert shot.

Don't worry.

Try to adjust to him.

- To know him is to love him.

- Ow!

Don't worry.

You'll both be compatible.

If not, I'll get you a replacement.

Just sit down, Claude.

Remember, you're both

very vital to Civil Defense.

Safety bar?

We don't need no safety bar.

What happens

if we have to jump?

You keep the safety bar

locked at all times.

And remember, don't act up, Herbie,

like you did last summer.

No standing up

and no rocking.

You mean this thing

rocks? Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

Don't worry.

You're perfectly safe.

Like a baby in its mother's arms.

You got nothin' to worry about.

I once swung around in one of these

things 180 degrees and I didn't get hurt.

No, sir, buddy. There's no way

you can get killed in one of these...

...unless you really try.

Like this one guy I knew.

He committed suicide.

He just stood up and did

a swan dive straight down.

Sit down, please.

Just stay seated, please.

Don't look down, Claude.

You'll be all right.

Up, up, up. I'll be back to pick you up

after your shift. Ciao.

Hey, this

grapefruit's rotten.

I'm gonna throw it away.

Is it all right with you?

All right, I'm gonna

throw it away.

Here it goes.

It's going. It's going.

It's going. It's going.

Going. It's going.

It's going.

Too bad I forgot

to time it.

If I'd timed it, I would have known

how long it took to hit the ground.

Because objects fall

at 32 feet per second.

Would you just shut up

about heights?

I don't want to hear

another word about heights.

- Boy, I sure hope the wind starts-

- Just shut up!

Now don't say

another word.

Scared of heights, huh?

Ha, ha, ha! Me too.

You ain't gettin'

sh*t outta me.

I've been constipated all week and

there ain't a damn thing you can do.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes