21 & Over

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- None of that ever happened.

- Ever.

There we are standing

in the shooting stars

In our houses,

in our cars

You didn't know it,

now you do

This is the way

we move

Hey!

In the belly of the whale

In my bedroom

I can't sleep

Well, all my friends

got crooked tales

That's the way I like it

That's just what I need

And here we are standing

in the shooting stars

In our houses,

in our cars

You didn't know it,

now you do

- This is the way

- This is the way

- We move

- Hey!

In the belly of the whale

And in my bedroom

I can't sleep

Well, all my friends

got crooked tales

That's the way I like it

That's the company I keep

And there we are standing in

the shooting stars

In our houses, ashes,

the bars

You didn't know it,

now you do

Just happens to be the way,

the way you move

God, dude,

this campus is awesome!

This is friggin' awesome.

Are you looking at this sh*t?

This is beautiful.

Do you go to school here?

No, I don't go to

school here. I'm too dumb.

But my best friend

from high school goes here.

Yeah, it's his 21st birthday and me and

my friend are going to surprise him.

- Whoa. Foaming.

- Uh...

- Wait, is that a beer?

- What? No. What are you talking about?

Honestly, man, I'm just so

psyched to see my friends, man.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, here's the train station.

Yeah, dude,

that's him on the corner.

Yeah, can you just honk

your horn a little bit?

Yeah, thanks, man.

Hey, you f***ing Jew,

get in the cab!

Dude, he is such a f***ing tool.

What is he wearing?

I love him, but, like, he does

dress like a f***ing tool.

- Miller! What's up, man?

- Yo, what's up?

- Come on, bring it in, baby.

- How you doing?

- Dude, how you f***ing doing, dude?

- Good.

- You look fat.

- What?

- Yeah.

- I mean, I've had midterms.

- I've been stress eating a little bit.

- A little bit?

- A little bit.

- Dude, stop talking about your weight.

- How's Stanford? Good?

- Stanford's great. Honestly.

Actually, yeah,

how's Hakakiqua State?

- It's good, dude, I'm killing it. Yeah.

- Yeah? Kill it! Good.

Dude, how's your family?

And your sister?

- How's your sister?

- My sister? Why are you...?

What? No reason.

I'm just checking in.

You don't have to check in.

She's my sister.

She's 16 years old now.

OK, yeah, she's 16, but in

real life she's, like, 18.

No, in real life she's 16.

That's the whole thing.

And her Facebook photos

are f***ing awesome.

Is that Cancun, where does she...?

You know, there's always this moment

right before I see you, where I'm like,

"Why haven't I seen Miller

in so long? It's ridiculous.

We should keep in better touch."

And then I see you and I'm like,

"Oh, yeah, that's right,

he's a f***ing idiot."

I'm just kidding, man, come on.

What if I said that

about your sister?

What if I was like, "I wanna f***

Danielle." What would you say?

Dude, honestly, I would love

for you to f*** my sister.

- Really? Why?

- Yeah.

It would seriously be

an honor to my entire family

- if you f***ed my sister.

- What?

I'll bet you five bucks that I f***

your sister before you f*** my sister.

I bet you five bucks that I f*** my

sister before you f*** my sister.

I'll give you five bucks

if you f*** your sister.

OK, can we cool it

with the sister f***ing?

This is your friend's place,

all right? Get out.

Oh, great. This is awesome.

- Jesus Christ, this place is quaint.

Thank you.

- Whoa! I don't know.

- Jesus! Who is that guy?

He's kind of a good dancer.

What's up,

VisionQuest? Boom.

Dude, if we're not as f***ed up as

that guy in two hours, we have failed.

I'd definitely wash

that hand if I were you.

Did you see the headdress?

He's The Chief.

No, he's a street person, dude.

Nice tie. You look like

Jason Gordon-Levitz.

It's actually

Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I actually really like him

in 500 Days of Summer.

- He's actually a really good actor.

- He is a really good actor.

Had a nice little

transitional period, right?

- Third City from the Sun or...

- Yeah.

JeffChang!

- Hey!

Yeah! What's up, bud?

Happy birthday,

you tiny yellow son of a b*tch!

- Surprise, buddy!

- What are you guys doing here?

I want you to call your lame

friends and cancel your plans

because we're taking you out tonight

and melt your f***ing face off!

- Yes. Yes, we are!

- No. Wait, no, no, wait!

- Your face will be fine.

- Guys! Miller, I'm not...

- Yeah, dude.

- Yeah!

- No, no, hey, guys.

- Wow, man, nice place!

- Guys, guys, guys, listen to me.

- What?

I really appreciate you coming

all the way down here, but...

Do you have any weed?

I smoked all mine on the train.

No, no. Seriously,

I can't go out tonight.

OK? I have my biggest med school

interview, ever, tomorrow morning.

Sh*t! We should've called.

JeffChang! You're 21 years old, man.

Your a**hole dad isn't here anymore.

- Gentlemen.

- Holy f***, he is totally here.

Nice to see you again,

Dr. Chang. How's Cathy?

I mean, Mrs. Chang?

I mean, Dr. Mrs. Chang? F*** me.

You still owe me $17.50 for

that hole in my fence, Altman.

Uh, really? That was from,

like, eighth grade.

I didn't know you still

associated with these... people.

No, Dad, I swear,

I didn't know they were coming.

Your interview with Dr. Collins is at 8:00 a.m.

tomorrow morning.

I'll pick you up at seven.

- Your suit is pressed?

- Yeah.

I had to call in a lot of favors

to get you this interview.

Be rested, be sharp,

do not embarrass me.

I won't.

Dick wads.

Look, it was so nice

of you guys to surprise me,

but, listen, I can't

go out tonight, OK?

This is like my whole life

in one interview.

- Dude, I totally get it.

- That's funny 'cause I don't.

- I don't totally get it.

- Could we go out tomorrow night?

No, we cannot go out tomorrow night,

because I've got tickets to Soundgarden.

You're a straight-A student,

dude. You can go out one night.

He can't go out, dude.

Casey, first of all,

you need to shut the f*** up.

- And JeffChang, you need to sit down.

- No.

Come on, just take a seat,

please, on your nice futon.

Because you have the wrong

attitude right now, my friend.

Look, JeffChang,

this isn't just any birthday.

OK? This is your 21st birthday.

- Here we go.

- This is the day that you become a man.

This is the day that you get to tell

every bouncer who's ever carded you,

"You know what? Sure, I get it.

Yes, I look like

a nine-year-old Chinese girl."

- What the f***?

- "But guess what?

Today is my 21st

f***ing birthday."

So, step aside

and let the man come through.

Miller, I totally get it,

but I can't go out tonight.

It's actually not your fault.

It's your people's fault.

Your people haven't been in this

country for a very "rong" time.

- What? He's more American than you.

- My family built the railroads.

Yeah, but, well, you know what

I mean. Like, your people.

- What? What?

- China. I don't know. Are you Chinese?

- Listen, the point is...

- I understand what you're saying,

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