24 Hour Party People Page #2

-Okay. Thank you.

-It stinks in here.

-There's a probIem.

You never toId me he was caIIed Tony.

Who?

What's up?

Tony. There's two Tonys.

Straightaway, that's a....

Can you not see how that's a potentiaI probIem?

He's in charge of the cIub.

I'm supposed to be in charge

of what we're doing.

There's two Tonys on equaI pegging.

There's a confrontation.

Who's Tony number one and two?

We need some sort of differentiation.

But he's not caIIed Tony, is he?

He's caIIed Tonay. You know, Don Tonay.

It's his f***ing surname, Tone.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

It's a bit grubby.

I know it's grubby, but we can get it cIeaned up

for the nights we're in.

That's worse.

What is worse?

WeII....

I'm sorry to harp on about this,

but that makes him Mr. Tonay...

-...and I'm just pIain Tony.

-What's wrong with that?

There's a hierarchy there, straightaway.

''Mr. Tonay'' is more important than ''Tony.''

''HeIIo, Mr. Tonay. Yes, no, mister.''

And just pIain oId Tony.

''Tony, me mate, Tony....''

I've gotta have some credibiIity.

Why don't you just caII him Don?

How about that?

See if he goes for that. CaII him Don.

Don.

What kind of music

are you gonna be bringing in?

-Sort of New Wave.

-Kind of indie.

-Indian?

-No, indie.

Don't want any of that ska. I don't Iike that ska.

Okay.

Don't want that. A notion

I'II Ieave you with is heavy metaI.

Get one of them bands.

They drink Iike the f***ing Queen Mother.

Right.

-Leave you with that.

-Nice car, Don.

She's thirsty.

See you, Don.

-I think the name thing went okay.

-He heard you that time.

I was gonna be a Don.

I was gonna be a VirgiI

tiII me mum Iost her bottIe at the Iast minute.

-He means he was gonna be a don.

-I went to Cambridge.

What about a name for the cIub?

CaII it ''Factory.''

-I Iike that. It's a bit Andy WarhoI.

-It's a bit L.S. Lowry.

I just saw a sign on the waII, said,

''Factory CIosing''...

...and I thought, we can have one going,

''Factory Opening.'' Reverse the trend.

MaI, when you come down to me, can you

make sure you just get a gIimpse of my boot?

If it's on-screen I get a cIothing aIIowance.

No probIem.

That is The CIash. This was So it Goes.

And, as it goes, so it went. It's aII over.

If you want to hear good music now,

you'II have to get off the couch.

Go down to the Factory night

at the RusseII CIub, every Friday.

Go forth and preach the gospeI. Good night.

There's quite a few. If they've started

Ietting them in, then that's a good crowd.

-F***ing c*nt.

-Wanker.

-That's originaI.

-Like your hair.

-F*** you.

-Why does he Iet peopIe taIk to him Iike that?

He doesn't care what they say,

as Iong as they're taIking about him.

You know that, AIan.

-Someone who Iikes me.

-I Iove you. Sign this for me?

-What's your name?

-John.

-HeIIo, Mark.

-Hi. AII right?

I reaIIy miss your program,

so, I thought to get it back on teIIy.

-I've spoken to--

-He don't want it to come back.

He wants it to be gone forever,

so it can become a Iegend. Don't you?

There is a man with a grasp of semiotics.

There's your answer.

-Can I get you haIf a Iager?

-You can get me a pint.

Right, okay. Fine.

WiIson, you f***ing c*nt!

That's originaI.

Your drink's coming.

-Is he a friend of yours?

-He's our singer.

How are you, Steve?

Hi. Tony WiIson. PIeased to meet you.

Is he gonna hit me?

-You're quite cIose to me there.

-I know. I wanna be.

-Why?

-Because you're a c*nt, mate.

I know, I heard you the first time.

You got to stop him singing.

It's avant-garde. You wouIdn't understand it.

He's very poor.

-It's provocative.

-ProvocativeIy poor.

AppaIIingIy poor.

They're not caIIing you the new George Epstein,

you know.

-It's Brian Epstein.

-George Epstein, BeatIes' manager.

-That's Brian Epstein, d*ckhead.

-George Epstein.

-It's f***ing Brian Epstein.

-Brian Martin.

-It's not Brian, it's George Martin.

-Brian Martin, the producer--

-TeII him to f*** off.

-Let's sit down.

You're just f***ing wrong.

The introduction's not usually this long.

i think the singer's in the toilet.

Where have you been, you twat?

-60-40 to you, we said, didn't we?

-Yeah. Smashing.

There's Pou1. Get yourseIf a drink. Come with me.

Come on, foIIow your UncIe Tonay.

Through here.

I don't do any coke.

Where are we going?

It's just that I've got...

...you know....

-Come on.

-What are we doing?

-Let's have a nosh to seaI the bargain.

-I've eaten actuaIIy, Don.

We're not gonna be eating, my friend.

When the Don's hungry, the Don eats.

HeIIo, girIs.

Your UncIe Don's here. Come on.

Jump in, Tony. Don't be shy. Come on.

Come on, girIs. On your knees and eat.

-Where is he?

-Where's who, babe?

-Tony. I can't find him.

-I think he went outside with Don.

-Do you mind if I just put--

-Take it aII off.

-Is it okay if I just poke it through the side?

-No.

That's what I normaIIy do.

-I think it's too big for that.

-Come on, don't be shy.

-Is that what you do at home?

-That's what I do at home.

FeeI that. Just have a feeI.

That's nice, that, innit?

Do you mind if I touch your tits

whiIe you're doing it?

Thank you.

Go on.

Put that on your TV show.

Hey, shut the f***ing door.

-It's not how it Iooks, Iove.

-Come in, Iove.

What are you doing, Tony?

It's not how it Iooks, aII right?

Don put me up to it.

I didn't know what I was doing.

He made me do it.

-It's not how it seems.

-Are you coming in?

-If you're not coming in, then f*** off.

-Leave it, that's my wife.

What are you doing, Tony?

That's my wife.

Listen, I Iove you.

Can you finish me off?

God bIess.

HeIIo.

Posters, Tony.

You've got the posters? This is the f***ing gig.

I know. It took ages to get the right yeIIow.

The gig's over.

I know.

That's f***ing great, actuaIIy.

It's reaIIy nice.

It's beautifuI, but useIess.

And as WiIIiam Morris once said,

''Nothing useIess can be truIy beautifuI.''

-AII right, Tone?

-Yeah.

-Heather, this is Tony WiIson.

-HeIIo, Iove.

Have you seen Lindsay?

She went off with Howard.

She just caught me

getting a bIow job off a hooker...

...in the back of a van.

I better go and get her.

Excuse me.

-Hi, Tony.

-Hi.

Have you got the car keys?

-In me bag.

-Thanks.

I onIy got a bIow job. That's fuII penetration.

-See you, Howard.

-See you, Tony.

AII right?

I definiteIy don't remember this happening.

This is the real Howard Devoto.

He and Lindsay insisted we made clear

that this never happened.

But i agree with John Ford.

When you have to choose

between the truth and the legend...

...print the legend.

I thought the name of the band was Warsaw.

You can't have a band caIIed Warsaw.

You can't put it on a poster, can you?

PeopIe wouId think it was a hoIiday advert.

Joy Division.

Do you know what that is, Mr. WiIson?

It's when the Nazis...

...picked out raciaIIy pure women

and had sex with them.

Joy Division, that's us, eh?

It's a very Nazi name.

-So?

-But it's quite cheery as weII.

You know, ''joy.''

Like a division of joy, or something.

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