27 Missing Kisses Page #2

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I'm not good with jokes.

I'm keeping an eye

on your Sibylla.

She needs more love, more

caress and a good belting!

You touched the ball,

that's against the rules.

Who does he think he is?

-Let me help, it's heavy.

-No.

What a splendid goose.

"I love you. Do you hear?

If I die, my love will come to you...

like the light

of a dying star."

A bit high-flown. The goose

is heavy. Come and have some.

What did you show my father?

Let me have a look.

Leave me alone,

you little sod.

-What have you done, idiot?

-Don't worry. You'll dry.

Alright then.

He's watching me.

How terrible!

Then he says, "It's so hot!"

And he drowns.

Yesterday I watched episode

And I thought...

Alexander looks a lot

like Rodrigo Martinez.

I saw a photo of Alexander in the

paper. I wanted an autograph.

But he's got a

barber's moustache.

What do you mean?

His moustache suits him very well.

"Rodrigo Martinez"!

That's real art!

What's that?

Rodrigo Martinez is fat.

Our Alexander is much

more masculine.

"Emmanuelle" is screening

at the factory on Friday.

Just one screening.

Is it the film showing different

ways of making love?

Yes, but it's

not for children.

-I'm not "children."

-What are you then, girl?

My photo is on a "wanted"

poster at the police station.

"A girl, a runaway from

a respectable family...

a thief and lover

of erotic cinema."

How terrible.

Sibylla, your behavior is

atrocious. Leave the table!

That's that.

Well, my dear son-in-law...

I beat you at pool, so now

crawl under the table.

Come on, come on!

You lost!

No, no...

Please stop, Mama.

That's enough.

There's a fire in my heart...

that only you can quench.

I'm an opera singer.

I'm giving a concert tomorrow.

I'll be singing for you!

-What do you want it for?

-I need it.

Take the pistol.

Think before you shoot.

-Come on, sing!

-What?

Get into the bathtub

and sing!

-Sing what?

-An aria, or I'll shoot you all.

Come on, sing it!

How terrible.

Are you singing in the

bathroom, Abessalom?

I've lost my cat.

It's a chilly summer.

I've got something for you.

How many years was

it under water?

Seven.

Captain, your cat is

nowhere to be found.

Keep looking for it!

I so much wanted

to refloat her.

And now the sea has disappeared...

evaporated.

Instead, there is the desert,

sand and dry grass.

My beauty.

She was lying at the bottom, with

hundreds of other ships, rotting.

Unbearable.

I've been sailing her my

whole life long. Wait...

Imagine the cemetery

I took her from.

Now I'm going to take her back

to your lake, to the river...

to the sea.

You know...

people are not the only

ones who leave us.

The sea leaves us too.

It's alive.

It's gone.

How good this honey smells.

I'll cut you out

the sweetest piece.

If you're not afraid,

they don't sting.

I'm not afraid of anything.

Only fools know no fear.

Watch out.

You said you weren't

afraid of anything, right?

Alexander!

-Are you crazy!

-You shaved your moustache?

How old is your father?

-41

-41? I'm 14.

That's my age with

the digits reversed.

Will you teach me to whistle?

It's not hard.

You stick out your tongue...

and show it to the sun

till it dries a bit.

Like that?

Like that. And afterwards...

This film isn't for you.

-She knows a funny joke.

-Tell me.

What makes people fly?

Dynamite.

Do you know it?

Go on, go home.

Sometimes there are miracles like

this:
we're gonna watch a film.

Quiet! Quiet!

When I was a boy I

saw comrade Stalin...

I saw comrade Stalin

play the accordion.

And today we watch the film

"Emmanuelle". Enjoy yourselves!

Look, a moustache.

Let me put it on you.

-Why are you making fun of me?

-The film's started. Let's go.

So do you want to come in?

Don't bother trying! Piss off!

Don't worry. We'll be able

to see it when we grow up.

This way.

Come on.

-I've hurt myself.

-Are you okay?

-From here you can see even better.

-Much better.

-Do you like her, that cow?

-No.

-I like you.

-Prove it.

I wrote you a poem.

A poem?

"I recall a wondrous moment.

You appeared before my eyes."

That's Pushkin!

No, I wrote it

when I saw you...

...for the first time.

-I don't like liars!

Alexander...

is sleeping.

He sleeps all the time.

He mixes up night and day.

It's a shame. We're going.

How terrible!

Get up immediately!

It's a shame!

How can you watch this?

-I don't like your father.

-Why not?

He only thinks about women,

sleeping and cigars.

And stars.

-Let's go.

-Wait.

-Can you see Alexander?

-Yes.

Take your hands off me!

Let's wait until

everyone has left.

-Sometimes I want to kill you.

-And other times?

Other times, I want

to love you forever.

-Piotr!

-What?

Are you eating onion again?

Why?

In the film, there

was palm trees...

the ocean... Bangkok...

Rubbish! Do you know why

Emmanuelle is happy?

Because the guys

in the film...

have got big guns.

Like Pushkin! Like me!

You don't understand anything.

You just eat raw onion.

Such passion.

Why so crude?

Love has to be beautiful,

it has to be poetic! Bangkok...

-You want Bangkok?

-Yes.

What are you doing?

Here are your palm trees!

Here's your Bangkok!

-Here's your...

-Emmanuelle.

-But I can't.

-What can't you?

The size of your

dick isn't normal.

My lieutenant's

is like this...

But yours is very big.

It's just not possible.

You want me cut if off?

Cut it.

Okay.

-Piotr!

-Let me.

He's crazy.

Some door should be open.

Can I help you?

Yes...

Okay.

-What's wrong?

-Piotr put bearings on his penis...

and had sex with Veronica.

The lieutenant's wife?

With ball bearings?

It's because his is very big.

Like the pilot's

in "Emmanuelle"?

Idiot.

He's heard something....

about constriction devices.

But they're not made of steel!

The penis is inflated

like a zeppelin.

-Show me!

-Show him.

Come on!

You drink my whisky...

you screw the ballerina

in my office!

Do you want some water?

Calm down.

How did this happen?

-We watched "Emmanuelle".

-Me too.

Did you like it?

Yes, but no one there puts

ball bearings on his prick!

-Could it be sawed off?

-It's made of special steel!

I've tried Hartmann method.

He recommends wrapping

the penis with tape...

beginning at the distal end and

moving upwards in a spiral...

towards the point

of constriction.

But with such swelling,

the method won't work.

Call Maria Markovna.

-Which Markovna?

-Your mother!

Call Marta too.

The consequences are hard to predict.

-No, she's retired and got asthma.

-Our steel's worth gold!

And you go and put it on your prick!

Really!

It worked.

Bring him here, the rake.

Just look at him.

Stay calm.

Don't be frightened.

Go!

Watchmaker's precision.

Congratulations.

Where are you, Veronica?

Show yourself!

I'll blow this whole

town in pieces!

Come out, Veronica!

Where have you gone?

Come out this instant...

or I'll blow this

factory to pieces!

In all my professional practice,

I've never seen anything like that.

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