3 Days of Normal

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[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]

[DISPATCH OVER RADIO]

[PHONE RINGS]

[SIREN PEALING]

Don't just stand there.

See that?

Tried to kill me.

[GOBBLE GOBBLE]

Those new uniforms

are very sharp.

Same since '76, Mrs. Greer.

Three, two, one.

[DEEP INHALING]

Ohhh! Stoney bomb!

[LAUGHS]

Whoa, I can't feel my toes.

Awesome.

[LAUGHS]

[SIREN]

Awesome.

Damn, it's Bill.

Okay.

Alright, just shut up and be cool, okay.

I know how to handle this.

That's what your mom said.

Amos Wall.

Good to see you again.

Hey, Officer Morgan.

Everything okay?

You were driving a little

erratic back there.

[SNICKERING]

Uh, no, just trying

to stay on the defensive.

Something tells me

that's not all you're on.

What?

Step out of the vehicle,

please.

[CANS RATTLING ON PAVEMENT]

Those are not mine.

Oh my God.

Wow.

[DEEP VOICE] TMI

Hello my puppies

and welcome to TMI.

I'm your host, Colin Wade

And tonight's top story...

Gold, Nikki Gold.

With rumors of a sex tape

featuring her and

on-again, off-again flame,

Trent Callender

burning up the internet

and the premier of her new

film, Ravagers II...

[TV SET] barely a week away, the

question is...

will Nikki's off-screen exploits

threaten the box office opening?

It's fun, it's scary, it's

sexy, it's...

Mm-mm. No flies on her.

Step away from the bear.

Empty your pockets...

Sorry officer.

We were just messing around.

You have a lot to learn about

the responsibilities

associated with operating

a motor vehicle.

I'm giving you tonight

to think about that.

Are you ser- [SIGHS]

Yes, Sir.

Bill, you enjoy this stuff

way too much.

What do you want me to do

with this?

Is it empty?

Yeah.

Shucks.

Um, evidence department, I guess.

Well, if it isn't

Harry Houdini.

I heard about the vanishing

act you pulled last night.

That girl was perfectly nice.

And absolutely thrilled

about the idea of going

out with a cop.

A little too thrilled.

You could have been Barry Bonds

in a T-ball game

if you just stepped up

to the plate.

Barry Bonds did HGH, May.

Dale, what did we do to raise

such a tight-ass?

Enough already.

Come here,

and let me kiss the petals

of my sweet, sweet rose.

If you're nice, I might let you

lick the dew right off of 'em.

[LAUGHS]

I don't know what the doc's

got you two on,

but he needs

to halve the dosage.

Maybe you need a double dose.

Look at this, look at this.

Look at this mustache.

You trimmed it

a little bit shaggy, there.

[POLICE RADIO]

Cruiser one do you copy?

Ten-four, Mama, you got

something?

Just giving you a whistle,

seeing where you are.

I'm down at the old

fishing hole.

Any bites?

I haven't seen a car

in 34 minutes.

I fried some chicken.

And I put some on your desk.

Roger that. Thanks May.

Sorry if I came off a little

harsh earlier.

Gotten worse.

From you, no less.

[DON'T WORK TOO HARD TONIGHT]

[SHORT PEAL OF SIREN]

[CLOCK TICKING]

Miss, can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Miss?

Miss?

Miss?

Hello, Miss?

What!

Jesus!

No comment.

No comment.

Hi Officer.

Where you heading tonight, Miss?

Canada.

Is that, uh, is that a little

vodka you got there?

I like this hat.

Don't!

Cops in New York need

to wear this hat.

Uh, Miss, I'm going to need

to see license, registration...

Miss? Miss?

You wake up.

Hello?

Show me your penis.

Come on, let's go.

Let's go.

Come on, it's time to be

a grown up.

Stop it!

Okay. 23 to Dispatch.

Officer Morgan, how much longer

you gonna keep me in here?

You gotta wake up.

You know you're

in the chair tonight.

In the chair. Go on, cuff yourself.

You know the routine.

Oh man.

Now Miss please, do not,

do not... no.

Take it, I need you,

get down. Um.

Oh, get down.

You cuffed?

Officer Morgan, I gotta tell you

something. I gotta tell you.

What, what?

Aw, let's go. On the bed.

Okay.

No, no, no, no. No. No.

No, put your legs, No. No. That's...

It's bedtime for bonzo.

That's right.

Bed time for Bonzo.

So Amo,

we'll talk in the morning.

Amo, Amo!

Don't give this woman

any trouble.

No, I won't.

[SNORING]

Oh my God.

[POLICE RADIO]

Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, okay.

Ow, ow, ow, okay.

What the Hades?

Sick little bastard was trying

to feel me up in my sleep.

No, I wasn't.

Ow! Okay, okay, okay. Okay.

I touched her hair.

I'm sorry alright. Will you let go?

You're going to break it.

Miss, unhand him now.

Ow, ow ow! Ahhh ah.

You heard me, Miss Hurwitz!

What'd you call me?

Now, Miss Hurwitz!

Ow, oh. Ow.

You know I'm not surprised a

backward little piss-water like this

would let a man get

away with this kind of sh*t.

This is no backwards

piss-water, Miss.

This is Washington,

New Hampshire.

Named after General George

Washington in 1776.

There's another Washington in

North Carolina.

And they might say that they were the

first town that was incorporated,

and that would be a lie.

Is that chicken in your hand?

Well, as I'm sure you're aware,

your license

is about to expire.

Oh God!

Do you have any idea

how long it takes to get

through the DMV

Well, that's what you get for

surrounding yourself

with all that flash and speed.

But now that you're up,

I should get some fingerprints.

Why?

I didn't do anything wrong.

What do you call drunk driving?

Not what I was doing.

Suit yourself.

I, I want my phone call.

I want to talk to my lawyer.

You'll get it

when you cooperate.

Wait! Hey! Hey!

This is cruel and unusual punishment.

I will sue your ass!

I just...

What?

I just want you to know

I think you're, I think you're

God's most perfect creation.

Ohh, where am I?

And for the record,

you were my first.

Get away!

[PEACEFUL MUSIC]

[GROWLS]

Morning, Chief.

Morning.

Uh, morning.

See the game last night?

No, we win?

Ahh. [FARTS]

Hell yeah, we won.

I fell asleep in the third,

but woke just in time to see

Big Pete Kinney seal it with a

slapper from the blue line.

Ohhh! Crud!

Aw Jesus. I'm on it

Bill! Is that the chief?

Get him in here,

I want to talk to him.

Is there something you

want to tell me?

[HELLO...!]

Got to be careful

with this one, Chief.

Excuse me.

A bit of a live-wire.

My favorite kind.

Excuse me, Sir.

Chief!

Hi.

Sir, there has been a huge

misunderstanding. Okay?

Name's Nicole Hurwitz.

Found her passed out, drunk,

down near Perkins syrup farm.

She's even got a prior.

My car was off and out of

the road when he found me.

Let me out of here now, or my lawyer will

hit you with a false imprisonment charge

so hard, you'll be pissing out

of your ass for a week.

[COUGHS]

Uh, Bill, outside, please.

So the keys were out of the

ignition and she was asleep.

She was passed out, wasted

with a record

of similar offenses.

Kissing a cop

on St. Patty's Day

aint exactly a similar offense.

Chief, she was using a vodka

bottle as a pillow.

She pulled over.

We can't ask for much more than that.

Bill, you did a good thing.

She slept it off.

Did she look familiar to you?

Guilty always looks familiar.

Aw Christ, Bill,

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